2/28/12

Talk About It Tuesday

I have the worst hiccups ever.  It is actually hurting me.  Any suggestions?  I've tried drinking upside down and holding my breath.  I really would just like to stop catapulting myself off the couch every 30 seconds or so.


For the first time EVER, I actually typed while I watched The Bachelor last night (with the occasional pause of my Tivo if my mind was going faster than my fingers could type -- this is typical behavior so please don't be alarmed).  So the "feel" of this post may seem different to you.  That's because it was LIVE.  No time for marinating.  Although I think half way through, I may have acted as if it was in the past . . . so my tenses may be all screwed up.  This should not be a problem for any of the primary teachers out there - my kids write in every tense available, as I'm sure yours do, too.  (This is a first grade phenomenon and has nothing to do with the teacher teaching writing.) 


Ben and the remaining three ladies are off to Switzerland for their overnight dates.  Here we go.  Ben has lots of life changing decisions to make and so he contemplates those decisions while looking out the window of a plane.  That is what I always do.  I am usually in Coach, though.  Was he in first class?  I couldn't tell.


I think ABC chose Switzerland very strategically.  It's colder.  It's crisp.  Zero humidity.  Even though Ben may be confused, his hair can straighten out over there.  Thank goodness.  I was at my wits end with that frizzy, floppy, parted-in-the-middle hair.  Don't look at mine while I type this.  I get my hair done on Wednesday and those nasty looking roots will be all gone.  Look away, I said.


Nikki:


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  


Oh, good grief.  ANOTHER HELICOPTER.  It's only Nikki's second time in a helicopter, ever.  I guess I'd be excited, too.  But if I multiply umpteen seasons by countless rides, I've had my fair share of helicopters.


But this has to be the first time I have ever thrown up.  Here's why:


Ben:  "My relationship with Nikki is gaining new heights.  But it's also grounded.  Relationships can be a wild ride.  But who better to have by my side?"


Who writes this stuff??????  There is NO WAY he is just spouting off these words.  Who talks like that???  Throw up.


But then Nikki did it with the cliff!!!  She made the cliff a metaphor.  Please stop.  Life is not a metaphor.  Life is grocery shopping, dust, zits, coke-bottle glasses, mouth guards, snoring, bills . . . wait.  Is that just my life?  Is this because I chose a man with normal hair?


Fantasy Suite - pervert.


Just kidding.  Maybe.  But I choose not to write about it.  Because people tell me that I am naive to think that they are only talking and sleeping (as in slumbering). 


Lindzi: 


Come on!  Grrrrr.


Heights.  Again.


I guess I should be happy they're wearing clothes and not bikinis.  


Here come the metaphors again.  Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  Bonding and all that.  Ugh.  Listen up, Ben.  Want a quicker way to bond?  TALK TO THE GIRL.  ASK A QUESTION.  LISTEN.  REPEAT.  You do not have to defy death in order to bond with someone.  (Although let me proudly say that I have repelled down a mountain before.  That's right.  Uh huh.  Well, we'll call it a rocky hill.  It was in Oklahoma at church camp.  Yes, I know Oklahoma doesn't have mountains.  But whatever.  I did repel down the side of a rock of some type and it was SCARY.  I don't recall bonding with anything except the ropes, now that I think about it.)


Dinner.  Date Card.


Fantasy Suite - Pervert.


And I don't think I'm kidding this time.  GROSS.  Lindzi!  Lindzi!!!  He was with Nikki last night!!!!  STOP!  


CUT!  STOP ROLLING!


In my mind, they just talked and slumbered.  THAT. IS. ALL.


Courtney:


Hmmmm.  I just wonder why ABC keeps putting Courtney last in the lineup.  I am suspicious.  What is that about?  


They take a train.  I'm okay with that.  But why hasn't Courtney had to jump off something?  Or pee her pants because she is so frightened?  Has she had a scary date?  Or just picnics?  Shoulder shrug.  Mouth twitch.  I just don't get it.


Ben confronts her on her treatment of the girls.  Because . . . this is the clincher . . . it made it harder on HIM.  And, people, if you haven't heard . . . BEN IS THE BACHELOR.  It's all about him.  And he is not one to let others off the hook.  


Does it sound like I'm defending Courtney?  Uh oh.  That's not my intention.  But if we were making T-shirts that said Team Courtney or Team Ben, I'd have to go with Team Courtney.  She has better hair.  And she's admitting her mistakes which could mean one of two things.  Number one:  she's sorry.  Number two:  she's fake.  Let's vote and see what teachers everywhere think! :)


Fantasy Suite - pervert


Please, somebody, please tell me that they are just talking and slumbering without the cameras around.  PUH-LEASE.  Surely, they are not . . . they're not.  Right?  Just thinking about it makes my shoulders shrug of their own free will.


We interrupt these messages for an "Emily as the Bachelorette" preview.  ROUND OF APPLAUSE!


(I could have done without the Titanic metaphors from Ashley.  Not working for me.  Also, I have never gone to the movies dressed like that.  Ever.  It was a little frumpy for my taste.  I think those dresses were clearly missing feather boas and tiaras.)


And we're back.


Along with Kasie B.  


Does ABC have this stunt in their contract?  It must be!  Paragraph 17.  Must return to the scene of the crime Bachelor to grovel.  Sign here.  And here.  Initial here.  And there.  You must cry and look disheveled, or we reserve the right to edit all filming in such a way that you look like you are crazy.  Off you go.  



Kasie warns Ben about Courtney.  The music is dark.  Dun Dun Dun.


Ben doesn't know what to say.  What else is new?  Once again, I thought he was mean.  Rude.


And Kasie?  On the floor?  Was that in Paragraph 18?  It must be, right?  I think I've seen that move before.  I think it was Ali with Jake, the airline pilot (gag).  Ali just melted into the floor of the hallway.  Remember?  It must be in the contract.  I'm sure of it.  "You must become one with the carpet of the hotel hallway."


Now poor, tired Ben is even more confused.  And apparently grouchy.


Rose Ceremony.  Here we go.


Lots of pauses.  But he finally gives the first rose to Lindzi.  


And then . . . after loud exhales . . . and more pausing . . . (this is as bad as Ryan Seacrest on American Idol - get on with it already!) . . . Courtney.


Oh, Nikki.  I know you're sad, but you dodged a bullet.  


Looking at Courtney and Lindzi -- who would have thought it?  Not me.


Nikki is upset in the limo.  I really like her so I wish I could have been there with her . . . No limo language for her.  Her parents will be relieved.


Next week, we take a break from the action for Girls Tell All.  I can't wait!!!  How about you???

31 comments:

  1. If I am the first, that will make my night ! Getting ready for a new Parenthood tonight. Have your hubby squeeze your ring finger, always works for me !!

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  2. Dangit!!!! I hurried and typed the first thing that came through my head just so I could be the first to comment.......


    But then....someone hit "publish" right as I did. :) She even wrote 3 sentences. She got me good.

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  3. The worst ever case of the hiccups happened to me a few months ago, and a friend made me eat straight up peanut butter. Like out of a spoon. Weird, but it worked like a charm!

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  4. Yay! Talk About it Tuesday. Wonderful to come home... at 6:30pm!!! ... to such a smile maker!

    My vote? Courtney = fake. But so is Ben. As I keep saying, perfect for each other.

    I felt relieved for Nikki. I'm sure she is, too - now that she has watched the season.

    Fantasy Suite - pervert.
    Totally agree. But shame on those girls. They KNOW he was just with one of the other girls. Someone should stand their ground on this issue and value themselves a little more. Geez.
    Dragonflies in First

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  5. oh.. for hiccups... hold spoon full of sugar in your mouth and just let it melt. Works every time.

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  6. Confused? I just started following this blog.. is there a contest for being the first to comment? And what happens if you are first?

    Kristen- the whole time I watched last night I kept thinking "she is sooo gonna write about that and I was right! Love talk about it Tuesday :)

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  7. Courtney is so fake and so weird. Did you see her get all giddy when she saw the gnome. Then her and Ben did a little gnome jig. I am thinking that maybe they deserve each other.
    I do have to say that I felt Nikki's words were just words. I didn't really hear or see any feeling to go with those words. Kind of like Courtneys words. Just fake words.
    And yes, the fantasy suite thing is really so gross. They all said yes. I wonder how ABC is going to handle that with Emily because she is way to classy for that. She told Brad, NO. Good for her!
    Have a great week. Love your blog!

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  8. BOO!!! did that get rid of them?? A mountain in Oklahoma...I think not sure it wasn't the side of that flour mill down in the city?? lol just kidding Turner Falls has "hill" remember I'm originally from Arizona...real mountains. AND I think Ben liked Kenzies family and all that Florida horse land..you know room for grapes...is it too hot for grapes in Florida?
    Have a great week!
    Tammy

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  9. I have a suggestion for the hiccups....heat up some jelly about 15 seconds and then put a small bit on a spoon and swallow it. There is something about the texture that makes them stop! It totally works!!!

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  10. Courtney is FAKE! Fake, fake, fakity fake. However, I do think she and Ben deserve each other. When are we going to get a good bachelor already?? He is such a dork.
    ~Andi

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  11. Is it bad that when I watch the show each week I guess about what you will write about? AND that I automatically thought about you when they got in the helicopter? Talk about it Tuesday is my FAV. =)

    http://adventuresofmssmith.blogspot.com

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  12. Spoonful of peanut butter or a spoonful of yellow mustard.

    Laura
    Peace, Love, and First Grade

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  13. Peanut butter always works for me and then I try to swallow 3 times. If I can make it 3 swallows without hiccuping, they are gone.
    I was wondering if anyone ever said no to the fantasy suite. I definitely wouldn't want to be the 3rd...At least it was Courtney. :)

    Andrea
    Stepping Into First Grade

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  14. I just read on Yahoo a couple of days ago about home remedies that really work. For hiccups it was a spoonful of sugar. Something about the texture. YEARS ago one of my friends taught me a trick that almost never fails me...concentrate really hard on trying to hiccup. I mean you have to force every brain cell. It really does work for me!

    I am sad that I do not watch your reality shows. I need you to watch every single season of Celebrity Apprentice or Regular Apprentice, Dance Moms (I know you are a new fan), Gene Simmons' Family Jewels, and anything Tori & Dean. Can you squeeze those in?

    Hope your hiccups go away!

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  15. A spoonful of sugar (helps the medicine go down...ok couldn't help myself lol) or peanut butter.

    Or drinking water and plugging your ears at the same time.

    Or count backwards.

    But by this time, they should be gone (I hope) but you can use these in the future :)


    Journey of a Substitute Teacher

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  16. Okay, I got home early and watched this episode BEFORE I read your blog. This is the first time I have watched an episode before reading your blog. I laughed though the helicopter ride thinking of you!

    It drives me nuts when they say they have similar values as Ben. Really? Just wait until they see the skinny dipping episode!!! I cannot imagine any of these girls (except Courtney, of course) going skinny dipping with someone in that situation. I also wonder what Kasie B.'s mom and dad had to say about the skinny dipping. I'll bet they are thrilled that she went home before the fantasy suite!!!!

    I'm with you in terms of thinking that they just stay up and talk all night in the fantasy suite and that is all they do.

    I am liking Ben less and less each episode, but liking all of the girls more and more. Although I don't want to be on Team Courtney, I am definitely NOT on Team Ben.

    Camille
    An Open Door

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  17. Tuesdays are my have because you YOU, friend!!!! I love it even more than Mondays now! Reading your recap is BETTER than the Bach..do you love that???

    I really can't handle the Fantasy Suite! Haven't they seen ONE episode of this show??? How can they ever look people in the eye...especially their family??? I can't deal!

    This episode was pretty lame...heights, fantasy suite, rock, fantasy suite, picnic, fantasy suite! I think the only adventurous thing Courtney had to do was go fishing!!!!! WHY does he keep taking Linzi up so high???

    Until next Tuesday...

    Kelli :)
    http://castlesandcrayons.blogspot.com

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  18. My son says this only works with gullible little kids.....but when my students have the hiccups, I ask them to give me a hiccup. They have to have eye contact with me the whole time until they are gone. Meanwhile they are focusing on forcing themselves to give me a hickup....and when they can't produce one automatically, we realize that they are gone.

    The gasp that came out of my mouth when Ben called Courtfreak's name was so loud, I think I woke my husband up! That is just wrong! I sure hope he does some real soul searching soon!
    Patty

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  19. As, for the hiccups, this is an old pioneer remedy but it really works. Take your pointer finger and your middle finger (little kid language) and put them together and then feel behind your ear lobes on your head, there are two bones close together. Place the two fingers between the bones press firmly, but not too firmly and breath deeply for a few breaths. Remove fingers. I do this to my students and they think I should be a doctor. Not really but they are amazed.

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  20. I hardly ever get the hiccups- but my children- the personal ones, that belong to me- get them all the time! And it is sooooo annoying! No one in my house can sneeze, hiccup, or burp like a regular person...it is always so exaggerated- such theatrics!
    Hope yours went away!
    Staci

    Going Nutty!

    misssquirrels@yahoo.com

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  21. Courtney=fake; Ben=fake. In fact, I'm convinced the only reason Courtney has made it this far is because of the skinny dipping. Pervert

    Courtney
    Http://frozenin3rdgrade.blogspot.com

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  22. Have you ever seen a lady riding on a white horse?

    Do you think Ben, minus the bowtie of course, might actually be decent looking if he had a short hairdo? Like real clean cut...do you think there's potentia or not so much?

    Holly
    Crisscross Applesauce in First Grade

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  23. Love, love, love your Bachelor posts! Don't know if you'll get rid of those hiccups, but all the sugar and peanut butter suggestions sound yum! Thanks for all the chuckles!

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  24. I don't watch the Bachelor but sure enjoy reading your posts about it!

    2B Honey Bunch
    The Best Endings

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  25. I am pretty sure I share a brain with you. I could not agree more on every single thing you said. Or maybe I anticipate how you are feeling and then I feel that too? Not sure but either way you are spot on. I was happy for nikki too. She can just go to the reunion show and bond with the girls and be glad she isn't going to have ben haired kids.
    the metaphors were heavy and irritating. The fantasy card fake surprises were nauseating. Courtney...I think she really likes him. I am sure she is thrilled to "win" but I almost think they deserve each other. So my vote is that she really likes him. So she is sorry. I hope Lindzi doesn't get picked just so she can not have to be with selfish Ben forever. or for 6 weeks before calling it quits.

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  26. Here is Ben's doppelganger! lol
    http://pinterest.com/pin/276267758361473587/

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  27. I am in LOVE with this post! I was avoiding it until I watched the episode, but I still haven't watched it and I'm going to Zumba tonight {woo!} so I just caved and read it {since EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER HAS NO CONSIDERATION FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T WATCHED THE EPISODE YET AND I ALREADY HEARD WHO GOT KICKED OFF ANYWAY!} and I am in love. You are so freakin' funny!!! "Off you go"! lol! love you :)

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  28. I think Courtney is fake but I don't like Ben either....so I'm ok if they end up with each other. Note: I don't their feelings for each other are real no matter how much they might think they are. I think they'll use each other for media attention, have a a couple more minutes of fame and then fade out....until Bachelor Pad in the summer! Cause you know...Courtney will sign up for that!

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  29. I love reading these posts!! They are as much fun as watching the show! And yes, Courtney is sooooo fake!!! (shoulder shrug, mouth twitch)

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