I drove to a far away land for my "consultation".
Once there, I was complimented on my printing. Gushed over, really. I made the clerk's job super easy, she said. Then, my flip flops from Payless were oohed and aahed over. Seriously. Last, I was told that primary teachers in grades K through third are just the sweetest people ever! Smile. Blush. Aw, shucks.
I thought I had come to the best periodontist in California, ever.
In hindsight, I should have known better.
After a thorough examination, it was determined that I need a gum graft. We will not talk about that. No.
But first! Mr. Perio explained I needed to do a step before that. A pre-step, if you will. A step that MILLIONS of kids have done all the time. Apparently, it's the SECOND MOST COMMON procedure of all time, next to TEETH CLEANING. And since I've traveled SUCH A LONG WAY, why don't we just do it right now and get it over with?
Sure, I said. Why not? I mean, it's the SECOND MOST COMMON procedure of all time. Kids get it done all the time, they reassured me. I can do this, they said.
Well . . . let's just say that I now have STITCHES in my MOUTH. (Which, actually, is a good thing because if he had put stitches somewhere else, I might have a different story to tell. On KCal News. And I am the type of person that things like that happen to so it's quite a relief that a periodontist put stitches in my mouth, rather than somewhere else.)
Excuse me, but I have never had stitches in my mouth after a teeth cleaning. Or a cavity. Or a root canal. Never.
People, I think I unwittingly had surgery.
I have a list of things I have to do now, post operatively. And it is really cramping my style.
1. No drinking through straws.
2. Soft diet. (I have no idea how to diet.)
3. No brushing the area.
4. No spitting. (Drat.)
5. No exercise. (Silver lining)
6. No alcohol. (I may have let a tear accidentally slip out)
This SECOND MOST COMMON procedure is called a Frenectomy. Basically, Mr. Perio cut my frenulum. That's the muscle (or the disgusting stringy thing) that connects your lower lip to your lower gums. They CUT mine. Apparently, it's too high.
How I've lived this long with it that high is beyond all comprehension.
These stitches will dissolve and I will go back next week so they can make sure. Otherwise, they'll remove them.
Whatever, I said.
I went in for a consultation. I came out with stitches.
And I didn't cry in the car on the way home. The windows were down and that's all. It was dry eye. Or something like that.
To make it up to me (because this is how Hubby handles things like this), the Hubs took me out to eat (I had SOUP! and a few french fries and a crouton or two, but that's all), and then we went to see the Avengers. Finally. He's been chomping at the bit.
I have now decided that I am completely and totally in love with Thor. And the Huntsman. And being that they're the same person, I am not cheating on anyone.
And you know how people write OMG? I never do. I don't want people to think I'm saying God (out of context). If I do say it, I'm saying Oh My Gosh. Oh My Goodness. Or Oh My Good Golly Gracious. BUT NOW, seeing as how Thor is supposed to be a god, I think I will start writing OMT.
It made up for EVERYTHING.