11/15/12

Busy Bees

Well, the rumors are true.  

I was attacked this morning.  Yep.  And it's not the first time.

I was reading our morning story (with great expression and flourish and flair, I might add) We Gather Together, Now Please Get Lost by Diane de Groat, when one of my kids raised her hand.

Let me explain something to you.

My kids know we don't interrupt the teacher when she is reading.  

Number one:  It's not polite.  

Number two:  It's rude.  

Number three:  It's . . . well . . . just don't interrupt me.  I don't like it.  It's like a commercial during The Housewives that I haven't recorded.  It's not good - let's put it that way.

So I ignored the child with her hand raised.

But she persisted.

Ugh.  I finally said, "Do you have an emergency?"

"Yes," she said, quite earnestly.  

"What's up?" I said, tiredly.  And almost positive that it wasn't an emergency, at least none of the lost limb variety.  

"You have something in your hair," she replied.

My first thought was . . . seriously?  I just got my hair done last night and if it's not a stupid mole on my ear, then it's something in my hair?  Really?

I asked the kids in the front row if they saw anything.

They didn't.

In a very shaky voice, she said, "It's on the side."

I turned my head to the side.  The front row gasped.

I thought, that's not good.  Surely it's not a booger?  Or cream cheese from my bagel thin?  

So I swiped my hair.  Flick.

Buzzzzzz.

And yes, it was a bug.  In fact, it was a bee.  A killer bee, to be exact.  Don't ask how I know.  I just know.  Nothing is ever just normal in my life so that settles it.

The bee landed on my new girl who came back today.  (When I told the hubby this story tonight, he said he couldn't believe I flicked the bee onto a student.  In my defense, I didn't know it was a bee until I flicked it.  And, also, aren't kids more resilient that adults anyhow?)

My new girl was still and silent.  (Another reason I like her.)  I said, "Come here.  Let's go outside."  

I am proud to say that I said it quite calmly.  I am actually very afraid of bees.  This could be due to the fact that I was trapped in our staff bathroom with a wasp one time.  I say trapped because I was in such a panic that I could not get the lock undone (there we go again). One of our male teachers was on the other side of the door listening to me scream and wail and act like a baby as he tried to jiggle the handle and help me escape.  Turns out, you just slide the lock to the right.  I can do it really easily on most days.  Just not when I'm being stung.  Yes, it did sting me.  And, if I press my inner arm really, really, really hard, you can still see where the stinger was.
  
But as my new girl stood up to come outside with me, the bee flew into the general direction of where all my kids were sitting on the carpet.

I'll let you imagine the rest.

Go ahead.

Oh, and don't forget to add the detail of the parent volunteer, as well.  

Yep.

It was mass chaos.

When I was able to gain control (nothing that a fire hose and a megaphone and a few tranquilizers couldn't handle), we returned to our seats.  I turned off the lights and opened the door in the hopes that the bee would go for the outside light.

He sort of did.

He went to the window.

I hemmed and hawed about killing it myself.  

But I was skerd.  Skerd silly, people.  And I was trying to be brave, but every time I went up to it, I chickened out.  

I decided to call for back up.

Our custodian came (who is amazing, by the way) and he asked, "Where is it?"

My kids whispered, "By the window."  (I had told them not to make a sound or the bee would hear them and sting them  possibly come over to where they were.  Those five minutes of waiting were really peaceful.)

Mr. Custodian went over to the window.  He asked, "Do you want me to kill it?"  

What to say?  What to say?  Please don't kill the killer bee?  Please allow the killer bee to live another day?  Please do not traumatize these first graders?

Well, what could I say?  Me?  The one stung by the wasp in the staff bathroom as I was trying to get out?  

I chanted right along with the kids, in my best whisper voice, "Kill it!  Kill it!  Kill it!"

Oh, just kidding.  Relax.

In all honesty, I just nodded.  Pretended to be sad.  I mean, we had no other choice.  It was a KILLER BEE.  Our hands were tied.

So our custodian killed it with his bare hands.

My kids cheered.  And laughed a little.

And then we returned back to the carpet and finished the story.

The rest of the day went really well . . . until a cricket showed up at the Writing Center . . . for real.

People, I can't make this stuff up.

28 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Oh Lord. Sounds like it could be in the next Junie B. Jones book!
    I don't like the commercials on Housewives either, they are just as annoying as the show I'm watching!
    Amy Howbert
    Little Miss Organized
    amyhowbert1@gmail.com

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  3. HAHAHAHAHA!!! Yes!!! Love this post! I read it aloud to the hubs...I do that a lot! He said, "It's not Bacherlorette season!" I was like, she has many other talents!!!!

    Here is my bug story...a few weekends ago, I was rolling down the road. It was so pretty outside, so I had my sunroof open and the windows open. I was going like 50 down this road...AND A BEE FLEW IN THE WINDOW AND LANDED ON MY ARM. MY ARM. I literally started swerving all over the place {thankfully no one else was in the other lane} until I could pull over to the side of the road...of course there was no shoulder on the road at this particular point. I was WAILING. SHAKING. CRYING. WAILING. I barely put my car in park and I was out the car running around. It flew down in to the floorboard. I think it was scared. I bravely {HA!} got a shoe out of the backseat and killed it! YES I DID!

    So there you go...Cali to Bama...BFF - Bug Friends Forever! :)

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  4. This is why I love reading your blog. You never fail to make me laugh!! Hopefully Friday goes better for you!

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  5. You are TOO funny! I think you should write books about your classroom. I would definitely buy them and read them!

    Don't Let The Teacher Stay Up Late

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  6. You really need to write a book for teachers. We all enjoy the way you write. Everyone needs a good laugh daily. Please write a book!!!

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  7. Thank you for making me laugh and being as afraid of bees as I am!

    Laurie
    Chickadee Jubilee

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  8. loved this..we get big creepy spiders in our class sometimes and I am terrified of them and all my kids know it lol. But I would imagine they would act the very same way with a bee.

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  9. I have to tell you - I get your blog right in my emails so that I can start my day with your stories! I love them!

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  10. So very funny! You are a great story teller. I don't like to be interrupted when I'm talking or reading in class either. Hope you have a bug free day!

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  11. Thanks for the laugh. I am in parent teacher conferences all day today and I needed a break. Your story is just what I needed. You have to write a book! Have a fun weekend and week off next week. I am jealous!

    Marybeth
    http://cialinichat-mbcialini.blogspot.com/

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  12. Oh Kristin-YOU KILL ME! I was laughing (still am) to myself as I almost spit my tea out all over my computer. Scary that it reads like the latest novel and I can insert myself directly into your room. Classic. Glad there was no one harmed in the writing of this blog. Enjoy your insect-free weekend ;)
    ~Christy
    Fluttering Through First Grade

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  13. Oh my stars! I am glad that you did not get stung!

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  14. That story was the best! To kill or not to kill is the eternal question when there are bugs or bees in a classroom. A yellow jacket stung me last spring as I opened the door to let the class in for the morning. I flicked it off the door with a yardstick, looked at the one student standing there and stomped on it. "It had to be done Tyler." He replied somberly, "Yep." Then I almost passed out and had to go to the health room.

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  15. Girl, these things only happen to you! Glad you survived the killer bee.
    Jenn
    Finally in First

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  16. You should totally write a book!! You are so funny and I wish i was a kid in your class:)

    Tammy
    The Resourceful Apple

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  17. THANK you for starting my Saturday morning off with tears in my eyes and holding my belly from all the laughs! I read your post aloud to my hubby in between laughing and trying to see through my laughter tears! I told him this scenario could play out any day at any time in this country, especially when a parent is in the room! Forget what the plan book says-this is real life with a room full of kiddos!
    And so it is,
    Debbie

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  18. If I could catch my breath from laughing, I would tell you that you should put all your stories together in a book. The title could be something like The Life and Times of a Teeny Tiny Teacher. A Day in the Life of a Teeny Tiny Teacher. You get it. It would be a best seller. Seriously. And then you could retire. Or teach another year and write another best seller. LOL! The craziest things happen to you! Thanks for starting my weekend off with a huge laugh!

    Kristy

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  19. I literally laughed out loud, while my hubby just shook his head!! LOL!

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  20. Ok, first of all, this is hilarious! You are a fantastic writer. I always read your blog posts to my hubby cause they are so dang funny.

    Second of all...I love that you use the word 'skerd'. My hubby uses that word ALL THE TIME. Except for him, I've never heard anyone else use it before.

    Thanks for the laugh! :)
    Jackie
    Crazy Daze in First Grade

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  21. Oh my goodness!!! Last Sunday I was stung by a bee for only the second time in my life.. two days later my hand looked like I had webbed fingers! After a trip to the doctor it was determined I am allergic to bees... epi pen here I come! A miserable experience let me tell you. So yesterday as my Kinders are coming in from recess one of them screams "A BEE!!" Needless to say, Mrs Cheatham sucked down a scream of her own and very calmly sent everyone to the carpet where they sat in fear all huddled together while another teacher tried to kill the bee for me. All is well thank goodness!! What weird timing for your story. BTW, I dont even have to press really really really hard for you to still see where the stinger was. Dead bee now.... wont hurt anyone else ever again.

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  22. Haha you crack me up! I love reading your blog! You should write a book of all these happenings! I just started a blog and wrote my very first post tonight:) you totally inspire me:) if you get a chance come on ovet and grab the freebie!
    1stgradefancypants.blogspot.com

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  23. OMG! HAHAHAH!!! Laughing. So. Hard.

    This reminded me of when I was reading Charlotte's Web to my students and the day after I read the part where Charlotte dies, there was a HUGE spider on our door and I seriously didn't think twice and I hit it with a book! Traumatizing for me? Yes. Traumatizing for my students because all they could think of was Charlotte? Yes.

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  24. What a funny story! So glad no one got stung. I just found your blog through Miss Kindergarten, and I'm your newest follower.

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  25. Thanks for the laugh this evening and I also read them to my husband. Your posts always keep us entertained. I am glad to hear you all made it through without getting stung. We had three flies in our classroom this year on one day and the whole class laughed as I kept trying to hunt them down with the flyswatter in the classroom. We also get lizards, tarantulas, scorpions and snakes. I use dictionaries to smash the scorpions, I rescue the lizards and tarantulas, but I draw the line at snakes. For those, I leave it to the professional...our school secretary who comes down with her snake handler and moves them to a new location.

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  26. I teach in a rural school and this is my first year here. During in-service week our Superintendent was filling us in on the rules about keeping candy and snacks in our rooms (the rule is don't.) For most of the faculty this is a new rule and as the Superintendent is explaining that the candy and things have drawn mice inside, he tells us about our pest control devices in our rooms and how they are "humane" devices. One such device is a paper triangle with a sticky bottom. As he is explaining about the mice, he moves on to tell us that with the influx of mice has come an influx of......snakes. And then out of nowhere he waggles this paper triangle sticky trap with a LIVE BABY SNAKE stuck to it right over my head and in front of my eyes. I could see its tiny tongue flicking in and out. He tried to reassure me that it was dead as I leapt from my chair, knocking over our entire table and was screaming. I assured him from a 10 ft safety distance that it was indeed alive. He looked at it, shrugged and said, "Who knew?" Traumatized for life..... yep.

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