Ready? Set. Go!
Once again, the episode began with another glimpse of Shirtless Sean. YESH, I SHAY! YESH! YESH, SEAN!
Selma got the one-on-one. She's a super cute girl. She wore work out clothes on their date even though she said she didn't know what they were doing . . . I don't get it. AshLee had to wear a short dress and heels to Magic Mountain and little miss Selma wears workout clothes in a limo. ABC has some explaining to do. I just loved how she shouted out her weight of 110 pounds. Now's that's confidence. I mean, who reveals their weight on national TV? Besides all the contestants on the Biggest Loser, I mean?? Who does that?
A skinny girl.
There was a private plane instead of a helicopter. I hereby approve this mode of transportation.
Well, Sean took Selma to Joshua Tree. And then Selma cracked me up when she said he took the Iraqi to the desert. Ha!
I kinda liked that she was disappointed in her date (only because I am sad about Sydney and so I can be petty about people I don't know in real life) and I really wasn't feeling her princess attitude.
"Are we always going to travel like this?"
"The next time we go on a trip, are we going to fly in this plane?"
"Can we buy this plane?
"I'm 110 pounds."
Knock it off.
But, really? Heights again . . . except instead of going down, they climbed up. With ropes. And all the proper equipment. Piece of cake, I say. Except Selma felt scared and nervous and afraid.
So Sean gave Selma all the courage and energy she needed and off she went like Spiderwoman. I think he was hustled is what I think. I think she's actually a professional rock climber and we were all duped. As a self-proclaimed-non-athletic-person just like Selma, words of encouragement from my significant other would not have given me the energy I needed to get up that rock. In fact, most likely, just the opposite would have happened and I would have yelled at my hubby to stop talking already, I would do it on my time when I felt like it, you talking to me is not helping me at all, I can't believe I let you talk me into this, we are never doing this again!
They had dinner at an RV park of sorts. I think. Not really sure. But either way, Sean wanted to kiss Selma but she's not allowed. It's a cultural thing, she said. Something about her mom not wanting her to kiss a man who's been kissing lots of other women on TV.
I don't think that's cultural. I just think that's a mom thing.
Sean gave her the rose even though she wouldn't let him kiss her. Awww. What a guy. Seriously. What a guy!!!!
Group Date: Roller Derby
UH, NO THANK YOU!
Those poor girls. Ow. Ow. Ouch. Ow.
Alien Amanda lied and said she'd done it before. But she hadn't. She was using her alien mind powers to make the girls think she had . . . and it worked.
Poor Sarah didn't want to do it because of her one arm . . . it was awful. But Sean talked to her and since he is the sweetest-guy-ever-in-all-the-land, she felt validated and loved and secure and thought no problem . . . just as Alien Amanda fell super hard on the floor and possibly might have broken her jaw or something.
And I didn't snicker. Nooooo, I didn't. I thought I had to sneeze. That's all.
Well, Sean called off the competition because he felt that maybe the date was going wrong . . . seeing as how someone might not be able to eat solid foods for six to eight weeks . . . so they went "old school" and just had a roller skating party.
The memories. I might not be athletic, but people, I can roller skate in a circle like nobody's business. Play "I've Been Waiting for a Girl Like You" by Foreigner, give me some Aqua Net, and a pair of Jordache jeans, and I could have skated circles around any of those fools.
Then they got dressed up and hung out around the pool. Amanda came back and joined the party. She wasn't hurt very badly . . . her jaw didn't need to be wired shut, goshdarnit.
Tierra got offended because she is the mean girl in the house and didn't understand why someone wouldn't address her in a conversation . . . so she stomped offandcriedandcrouchedonthefloorandstalkedhim during his time with another girl that I didn't know.
So Sean let Tierra drag him away and she cried. Boo hoo hoo. She told him she was sensitive . . . "I'm sensitive," she said. Which was actually code for "I'm manipulative and I will stalk you while you sleep."
Come on!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He followed up by giving her the group date rose.
HE GAVE TIERRA THE GROUP DATE ROSE!
(My husband's hearing will return - don't worry about it.)
I mean, COME ON, SEAN!!!!!!!!!!
One on one with Leslie H.
Leslie H. got earrings. And she got to ride in some expensive car that I do not know the name of. And she got to shop on Rodeo Drive.
I love Sean. (said in a whisper voice)
Leslie is sweet. Sean is sweet. How could any girl not be nice and sweet on this type of date? HOW? (Although, I've been known to throw a temper tantrum or two while shopping because most apparel is too long, or they don't have my size, or or it's too long, or I'm hungry, or it's too long.)
Then he gave her a necklace. She didn't get to keep it.
I was kind of worried for Leslie . . . I didn't think she was going to get the rose. I don't know why. He can't keep everyone. But I really liked her. Her laugh made me laugh.
But I just wasn't feeling the sparks on Sean's side. I felt like he was interviewing her, rather than it all just clicking into place.
He let her go. Poor Leslie. At least she got to keep the earrings.
The first thing Tierra said at the cocktail party was that she came on The Bachelor to win.
Well, there you go. That's it right there. Am I right or am I right? And why won't my hubby answer these questions?
Tierra apologized to Robyn because she was covering her butt and was afraid the girls might start talking to Sean about what a mean girl she is. Then she told Sean that girls have a hard time accepting who she is.
SEAN, CAN YOU HEAR ME? YOU CANNOT PICK THE GIRL THAT NO OTHER GIRLS LIKE! AMERICA DOESN'T LIKE HER, EITHER, SEAN!
(Okay, it's possible the hubby's hearing may not return for awhile, but that's fine. It also explains why he isn't answering my questions.)
There was a kiss here and a kiss there . . .
Roses were handed out.
Alien Amanda did not receive one. Instead, she got a big ole bruised chin. And off she went to the far away planet of Newport Beach, CA.
Previews for next week - two day Bachelor event. Did ABC hear that my report cards are due that week? Is that what's happening here?
Am I supposed to have a Talk About It Tuesday and a Talk About It Wednesday? And then a Let's Talk About Why I Didn't Get My Report Cards Done?
I would like to go on record that even though I don't know what in the world happens in the next two episodes to make Tierra shake that hard . . . I would like to say that there is such a thing as waterproof mascara and she should invest in some.