First, let me just preface this post by saying that there really wasn't enough drama going on in this episode. Everyone is in love, everyone is on their best behavior. It's practically a Barney episode.
The episode starts with Sean reflecting about the remaining three girls. None of which are Desiree, by the way. Grrrrr. In a nutshell, Sean basically said:
Catherine is weird, nerdy, and goofy.
He and AshLee have the strongest connection.
The spark for Lindsay has grown into a massive flame.
Sean and Lindsay went to an outdoor Thailand market. There was a little bit of foreshadowing when Sean asked her if she was adventurous with food . . . I knew right away what was about to transpire. And, sure enough, Sean wanted her to eat bugs. And, folks, they ate TWO.
Then Sean and Lindsay fed some monkeys. Luckily, they didn't eat any. I was a little worried there for a second. Sean and Lindsay later had dinner in front of traditional Taiwanese floats. Lindsay said everything is open for her and she would be ready to move to Dallas. Justlikethat. (That impressed me because, for example, every time I had to move as a child I put up some kind of a fight. I mean, really. I get attached to people and places. Call me crazy.)
Sean and Lindsay decided to stay in the fantasy suite. And for all you people with your minds in the gutter, I have read between the lines and I want you to know that Sean just wanted MORE TIME AWAY FROM THE CAMERAS with each woman -- he is not a player. Nope.
BIG SIGH. Lindsay finally told Sean that she loved him. And all Sean could say was . . . well, nothing, because he's not allowed.
Sean made Ashlee swim through a cave to get to a private beach. She was very concerned about the availability of a floatie even though Sean continued to tell her that she just had to hang onto him. Hello? Done. Give me a high five and call me Velcro.
AshLee continued to make parallels and metaphors and similes and used all sorts of words to basically say that she was freaked out and is just so totally in love.
Um. I don't know about you, but I think she needed to calm the heck down. Relax already. Smell the soup. You love Sean. We get it. Now stop acting crazy.
The swim through the cave was so nerve wracking. I honestly thought they might not make it. I was on pins and needles the whole time.
But they did. Phew. Talk about a nail biter.
When Sean pulled out the Overnight Fantasy We Won't Do Anything That Teeny Wouldn't Do Because We Just Want More Time To Talk And Sean Is A Nice Guy Suite, he confirmed and validated my theory. He is NOT a player.
It's clear as day. Right?
AshLee then told Sean the cut of diamond she likes and her ring size. Okaaaay. (This kind of reminded me of the time one of my friends was interviewed for a teaching position, and when the principal asked her if she had any questions, she said, "Yes. Which classroom is mine?" And yes, it was a FRIEND. Not me.)
But then she got hired so maybe this might work for AshLee?
There were no bugs or caves. Just sail boating and snorkeling. There was lots of conversation and talk about commitment issues.
Like, lots. Lots and lots of talking.
I thought I could talk, but Catherine might have me beat.
Again, there were no Fantasy Suite issues -- just two innocent kids staying up all night talking. No hanky panky business going on at all. I'm sure of it.
Sean watched the video messages that the girls made for him.
Lindsay's was cute.
Catherine's was a lot of talking.
AshLee's was a metaphor about a wall and Berlin. Or maybe not Berlin? I don't know. I stopped listening when she started crying. Get ahold of yourself, I said. You've known Sean for how long? Sean needs to think about AshLee in the future.
IN THE FUTURE
Sean: Do you want to bungee jump or skydive tonight?
AshLee: Well, (beginning to cry) I have this wall and I don't know how to get down from it or over it or past it (tears) and I'm scared so you might have to talk me into it (more tears) because this is really hard for me. (sniff sniff) I don't know why I'm crying. I said I wouldn't cry between 3 and 4:00 today. Are you sure we have to do either one? Can't we just stay home (sniff) and I will stare adoringly up at you?
BACK TO THE PRESENT:
Sean stood there looking a little awkward. I wished he would have put his hands in his pockets. Just saying.
Cut to the Rose Ceremony.
He let AshLee go after about ten loooong minutes of stares and sighs and grimaces on everyone's part. It was THE WORST EDITING OF ALL MANKIND. It was worse than Ryan Seacrest on American Idol. I don't know why they didn't dim the lights. It was that bad.
AshLee tried to be all tough and not allow Sean to talk to her. "Just stay here," she said.
And then, for the first time, she did NOT cry in front of him.
Did you hear the horror movie soundtrack playing in the background, too, or was that just me? EEEEE -- EEEEE -- EEEE! Yikes. Sean needs to watch his back, I think.
AshLee finally broke down and hid her face from the camera and, for once, we couldn't see her cry.
Girls Tell All is next week. And then we have the finale the week after that. The previews TRULY looked like the MOST DRAMATIC SEASON FINALE EVER.
Who thinks that letter is from AshLee? Or Desiree?