Well, you’re all amazing.
I put myself out there and pretty much just asked your permission to blog when I want to, whether it’s five things on a Saturday, or just one thing during the week, and you said yes.
You said lots of other super nice things, too, but you said yes.
You said you would keep reading.
Which is a huge relief because you know I am pretty much just going to do what I want to do anyway, and that when I’m writing a post, I am not picturing anyone actually reading it. It’s weird to think that people read what I have to say which, most of the time, is just a bunch of words and nothing of substance anyway.
But thank you.
I’m going to switch things up a bit here and there, but count on coming back every Saturday. It probably won’t be five random things, but maybe it will. I don’t know. Shoulder shrug. Today is just ONE thing.
I had some time this week to post a story on Instagram. It’s been a super long while since I did that because a) school and b) I hate seeing myself on video and I don’t think it’s meant for women in their 40s. I mean. Holy wrinkles. And holy eyeballs. And stop talking with your hands so much, Kristin! GEESH!
But whatever. I posted a story because I had an epic hair fail. EPIC. You know how much I love Mix and Match Mama, right? I read her blog faithfully every single day. Well, she did a hair tutorial one day complete WITH A VIDEO. And it’s about how she gets the perfect loose wavy curls OVERNIGHT.
She takes a shower, washes her hair, goes to sleep, and VOILA.
She’s literally the person who can wear the shirt or have the mug that says I WOKE UP LIKE THIS.
Oh, and she has FOUR kids.
And she’s skinny, and cooks, and bakes, and writes cookbooks, and has been on several TV shows, and knows Kathy Lee and Hoda, and her brother is Sean, the Bachelor, and she is super organized, and she travels, and I think she pretty much has endless money at her fingertips, but that’s all okay, I still like her.
So anyways, last Sunday, Steve and I went over to Jason and Stacie’s house for a pool day. Steve made some ribs on his fancy smoker, and we ate and swam.
We got home late, but I needed to wash my hair because chlorine is not good for your hair. You know that, right? And I’m weird about my hair. I washed my hair when we got home, but I didn’t want to dry it because it takes forever, and I was just going to bed in an hour or so. Why go to all that trouble is what I want to know.
And then I remembered Mix and Match Mama’s Hair Tutorial and I thought to myself this is the perfect time to try this out! I have nothing to do tomorrow! And I don’t have four kids so surely this will work even better for me!
First, I put in all my products. I currently use three different products when my hair is wet. One is an oil, one is some sort of cream thing, and another is a spray. I don’t know. Every time I get my hair done, my hairdresser sells me something and when I say I already have such and such, she says combine it all. Apparently, I have endless money at my fingertips, too. Anyways, I put all the products in my hair, and then put it all up in a wet bun. An hour later, I went to sleep.
I never wear my hair up when I sleep so I was a little worried that it would bother me, but it didn’t. Except that I didn’t sleep that well, and Steve said it was because all of the hair was on the top of my head making me top heavy, and how could that be good for anyone? I honestly think he’s used to rolling over and seeing my flowing, long, blonde locks of hair blowing slightly in the air-conditioned air like those models you see on commercials. Never mind the mouth guard and the zit cream and the lash boost.
I woke up so hopeful, people.
I woke up thinking I was going to get back so much time in my mornings when school starts up again. No more blow drying my hair. No more straight, limp hair. I was going to have perfect, beautiful, long, wavy, loose curls! It was going to be a game changer! I would look taller, skinnier, and be able to cook! And travel! And get on TV! Kathy Lee and Hoda and I would drink wine together! My whole life was going to change!
And then I took the bun out of my hair.
I think some of my hair accidentally slapped Steve as it whipped around.
It was HUGE.
My hair was GIGANTIC.
And a lot of it was STILL wet.
And did I say it was BIG? Did I say it was as if I had stuck my finger in an electric socket?
Here’s the back:
I mean . . . WHAT IN THE WORLD?!
And don’t say it looks cute. It does not.
It was OUT OF CONTROL. I had NO CONTROL. I could have stuck a pencil in there and lost it for a year and a half.
I couldn’t even wear it in a pony tail because the tail part of the pony was just awful!
Luckily, I had nowhere to go so I just threw it back up into some sort of bun thing and went about my day.
AND THE DAY AFTER THAT . . . Tuesday, to be exact . . . SOME OF IT WAS STILL WET.
Steve said I probably had mold growing in my hair.
So I dried it a little with the blow dryer and that helped calm it down a bit so I could wear a proper pony tail. I know, I know, I could have just washed it and started over, but I had no real big plans so why do that if you don’t have to? It’s summer!!
And no, I do not wash and dry my hair every day. I am a big fan of dry shampoo and hairspray and pony tails. And dirty hair. And products, apparently.
Anywho . . .
That tutorial did not work for me. Meanwhile, I talked all about this on my Instagram Story and then I got some well meaning people giving me advice on what I did wrong, and how I could make it better, and even more tutorials.
People mean so well.
Don’t they mean so well?
I can’t change the bun, the height of the bun, get this straightener or that curler, or that product and GET WHAT I WANT. Because I am me and this is my hair and that’s the end.
Oh, and I’ve had people curl my hair in the past. And try to make loose waves. And my hair cooperates. It does. It usually looks quite pretty. From the side and from the back. And then I turn around and look at myself in the mirror and guess what? It overwhelms my freakishly small head and does not look right. It does not look right! I’m telling you! Next to my face, that hair does not look right!
I give up for now.
My plans for today . . . wash and blow dry my hair. Ugh.