12/16/14

Last Minute Reindeer Craft Anyone Can Do

There.

Got your attention, didn't I?

Need something for tomorrow?  Or Thursday?  Or Friday?

This should do it.

You don't have to copy anything.

Seriously.  I'm not joking.  I learned this little trick from my good friend, Sheri, a million years ago.  I usually make cats with it (to go along with the story Cookie's Week, but that didn't happen this year and then I had the genius idea of turning them into reindeer.  I think my teammates cheered.  I'm pretty sure.   I remember bowing.).

Get some kind of tan/brown/or white (just have your kids color it brown) construction paper.  Grab some red while you're in your cabinet hunting and pulling and grabbing and hurting your fingers.  I mean, you're in there anyway and half the sheets you didn't want came out anyway so grab those too, if you feel like it.

Cut the tan/brown/white in half.  Unless it's already in half sheets.  Now that would make this craft the easiest ever in all the world and use up some of your half sheets that you're not quite sure what to do with.  You're welcome.

Okay.  Here we go.  I have the steps for you in pictures.


Tell your kids to draw a hill.

I tell them to put their hand in the middle of the paper and draw a hill over it.  You might have to tell a couple of your kids that they will have to use the hand they don't write with for the hill measuring.  Or you can let them struggle.  That's your call.

Remind them that they are not tracing their hand.

Your kids will erase their hills like crazy.  Just be prepared for that.  

And the many voices calling out, "Like this?  Like this?  Like this?"

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, NO, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, OH NOOOO."

Cut out the hill.
Make another little hill.
This one is easier.

Cut out the little hill.
Now you have three pieces.
From one sheet of paper.


Three pieces of paper from the same piece of paper
 make an animal.
Almost there.
It's shaping up now.
This is how you make a cat.
It just needs a cute face.

But this is how it turns into a REINDEER!

I cut some dark brown into quarters and I'm going to let my kids
figure out how to make the antlers on their own.  Free style.  It should be great.  I'm sure no one is going to cry or whine.  

I cut some red and other fun colors for a scarf.  I'm going to let them decorate the reindeer in any way they want.

"Can I draw spots?"

Yes.

"Can I draw stripes?"

Yes.

"Can I put a necklace on mine?"

Yes.

"Can my scarf be two colors?"

Yes.

"Can I make my reindeer a Ninja Turtle?"

Um.  Hmmm.  Um.  Hmmm.  No?

Then we'll write about our reindeer.  Or we'll write about what if we had a pet reindeer.  Or maybe we'll write a nonfiction piece about reindeer.

Or maybe, just maybe, we will run out of time and the kids will just do art for art's sake.

You never know.

Now . . . one thing you should definitely do before you hand out any paper is draw enormous hills in front of your kids to show them how ridiculous enormous hills might make a reindeer look.

This is hilarious.
My head is too beeg for my body.

Also, cut out little hills.

HA!!!!

;)

And there you have it.

A Last Minute Reindeer Craft Anyone Can Do.

Honestly.

You can do this.

Like this?

YES.

:)

12/14/14

Christmas Questionnaire 2014

Happy Sunday!  

I'm linking up with Fabulous in First because Michelle is having a linky party that asks me questions which means I get to talk about myself and so, of course, I just had to join.  


1. When do you decorate?
We usually decorate Thanksgiving weekend . . . but since we were in the Dominican Republic this year (and, by the way, it doesn't even feel like we were ever there, it feels like it was just a dream and not real at all) we started decorating last weekend and kept going this weekend.  

I am all for things happening when they are supposed to so I can't stand when there are Christmas decorations in the stores in October before we've even had Halloween.

STOP RUSHING MY LIFE, I say to no one in particular when I am standing in the aisle of a store that dares to do that.

2.  Elf or no elf?
No elf.  Here's why:



Plus, I have no kids.

And, at school, I just don't have one because of the reason above.  But I am interested in the Kindness Elves and think I might go that route next year.

3.  Christmas Cookies or No Baking for You?
Absolutely Christmas Cookies!!!!  Tis the season to put on your winter coat, is what I always say. 

I baked cookies last weekend (Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter) and yesterday (Chocolate Chip Toffee).  Steve kept saying I need a Kitchen Aid Mixer so that it would be easier and faster for me . . . and I said I was fine, I don't need one, at least not right now, it's fine.  

But then I got a feeling . . . you know, a feeling.  And I said, "Please do not buy me a Kitchen Aid Mixer for Christmas, under any circumstances, that is not what I want, don't do it, that's like getting a vacuum cleaner for me, I do not want a mixer for Christmas."

He then asked our neighbor if she had a Kitchen Aid Mixer and she said yes, it's the best thing ever, and they use it all the time, even for pizza dough, and that he should get me one for Christmas.

True story.

4.  Favorite Holiday Tradition
I love spending Christmas Eve with Steve's family every year.  We have a huge Mexican feast and I've been a part of this now for twenty-something years since we were dating.  We also always go to church.

Christmas Day is always at my mom's.  I love going over there and snacking on chips and dip and See's candy while we wait for Christmas dinner.  Recently, we've been wearing pajamas all day on Christmas and that is fast becoming my new favorite tradition.

When we were little, whoever was the first one up (I have two sisters and one brother) had to go wake up all of the others and none of us were allowed downstairs until we all went together at the same time.  And, more often than not, we all slept in the same room together in sleeping bags on Christmas Eve.  I loved that.

Not too long ago, Steve and I said we need to put Murphie in the car, go to Starbucks for a yummy hot drink, and then go look at Christmas lights.  We will probably bring some cookies with us.  We said we need to make it a tradition.

:)

5.  Favorite Christmas Movie?
I've mentioned these before.

The Holiday
Love Actually
Elf
Christmas Vacation

And you know you have to have The Christmas Story playing in the background all day on Christmas Day.  We do.

You'll shoot your eye out, kid!

6.  Snow or No Snow?
Well, seeing as how I live in California, I don't get snow for Christmas.  But when I was growing up in Oklahoma, I loved snow for Christmas.  

I love that it's been raining and cold (for Cali, anyway) because it feels more like Christmas.  I know the rest of the country is laughing at us when we wear our Uggs and scarves and beanies and put the heater on and stomp our feet to keep warm when the temperature is 60 degrees.

It is freezing, I'm telling you.

You have to blow on your hands and everything!

7.  Favorite Christmas Song
I love love love The First Noel.  It is absolutely my favorite Christmas carol.

But I also love Mary, Did You Know? (it is my nephew's favorite) and The Little Drummer Boy (it is my brother's favorite) and I love that country one where the little boy goes to buy shoes for his mom and he doesn't have the money and it is so sad that it makes you cry . . . A good cry is always good at Christmas, don't you think?

Right?

No?

8.  Favorite Gifts to Give and Get
Well . . . all of my nieces and nephews love cash.

It's a lot of work on my end.  First, I have to go to the store and buy something so that I can get cash back.

And then I have to wrap it up.

It's hard work.  But they're worth it.

I love to get my (school) kids books.

I love to get my parents something they would never buy for themselves (last year we did a spa day for my mom).

And that's about the extent of my gift giving.  Our family is really small and we keep it simple.  We'd rather spend time together and do something than exchange gifts. 

Steve and I don't exchange gifts.  We just buy what we want when we want it so we wake up Christmas morning and have coffee and cinnamon rolls together.  I grew up having cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning so I had to carry that over into my own house.

As far as what I want for Christmas . . . it's pretty easy.  I need Kerry to visit.  And she is.  :)  And I need my whole family together.  

So . . . there you go!  

If you want to link up with Michelle, head here:


12/13/14

Five for Fraturday

Oh thank goodness it's Saturday!

Hallelujah, God is good!  

WHAT A WEEK!

Five more days, five more days, five more days . . . and before you go thinking that I don't love teaching and I'm not a good teacher because I'm counting down the days until freedom, I just have to say it's because SANTA IS COMING AND MY KIDS NO LONGER HAVE ANY SELF CONTROL AND IT IS HARD TO TEACH RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THERE IS TOO MUCH TATTLING GOING ON PLUS I HAVE TO KEEP SAYING WE DO NOT ROLL AROUND ON THE CARPET AND CAN YOU PLEASE TURN AROUND AND FOR THE LOVE OF CHRISTMAS WOULD YOU PLEASE SIT FLAT SIT FLAT SIT FLAT?!

And yes.  I'm speaking loudly because you can't hear me over the loudness that is my classroom.





Steve and I did our annual Decorate the Christmas Tree, Have Wine, Have Pizza, and Watch a Christmas movie (The Holiday) last weekend.  Except we didn't actually eat pizza because we had gone to Brio for lunch and ate like pigs so we weren't hungry.  But we always have room for wine.

I got two new reindeer from Hobby Lobby.  

And some other stuff because all of their stuff was 50% off which means you can buy twice as much stuff.




I showed this picture on my Facebook page.  I always buy my kids Junie B. Jones books for Christmas because I read a chapter (or two) each day before we go home and I read the books in order and some of my kids bring their own copies and follow along with me and it is one of my most favorite times of the day and we can't get enough of her.  We are addicted and think she is hilarious.  And naughty.  

Every year, I tell myself that I am going to type a generic label and stick it on the inside and then every year, I hand write a "personalized" note to each student.  And by "personalized" I mean I try to write one sentence that is unique to each one . . . some might be repeats like "you make me laugh every day" but you get the gist.

Anyways, I wrapped each one the other night and stuck a candy cane on the front . . . now I can't wait to hand them out.  I think it's because I don't have kids of my own.

Or I'm weird.




I have a student who won't be at school next week so he gave me a present before he left and it was a new Starbucks mug and gift card.  Woohoo!

But he also got Murphie a present!  

I think that is the sweetest thing ever!  I was beyond thrilled.

Isn't that adorable?

Or is this a sign I talk about Murphie way too much in my classroom?




These are my annual Winter Tree Family Projects . . . usually I have them on a hill of snow, but my new bulletin board "Keep the Same Title and  the Same Background Papers in the Same Place so You Save Time Strategy" made me switch it up a bit.  I like this, too, though.  Because I saved time.

I love these projects.  My kids do, too.  If someone isn't in their seat, it's most likely because they are perusing this gallery.  I love when they compliment someone else's tree or say that someone else's tree is their favorite one.  

Now . . . you might be thinking this is too late for you to do this project because you can't send them home.  But wait!  This would actually be a super easy craft to do this week if you're pulling your hair out and/or need to kill some time.  Not that I'm going to be having that type of a week . . . I'm just saying.  In general.

You could have the kids do this just for fun.  Put out a bunch of your left over supplies that don't add up to a class set (in my case, 32!  I got student number 32 on Monday, a lovely little smart girl who is just a doll so lucky for her, I guess I'll keep her) . . . anyway, you could put a bunch of art supplies out such as left over pipe cleaners, tissue paper, pom poms, glitter, puffy stickers, construction paper, etc etc etc. and then just let your kids go to town while you put your feet up.

If you want a copy, you can go to this post {HERE} and download it.

You're welcome.  ;)




This is totally random and doesn't have anything to do with anything, but it literally just happened so there you go.

I was online and came across a mom singing a lullaby to her baby that went viral.  And it was a cover of Sam Smith's cover of Whitney Houston's How Will I Know.  

My mom loves Sam Smith's voice.  Last summer, she was all about Sam Smith's song Stay With Me and still liked it after my sister, Lisa, informed her it was about a one night stand.

Mom:  Oh, I love this new song by Sam Smith.  Have you heard it?  It's so pretty.  His voice is amazing.

Lisa:  You do know it's about a one night stand, right?

Mom:  What's a one night stand?

Just kidding!  Ha!  My mom knows what a one night stand is.  She also really loves Bruce Springsteen's I'm on Fire.  Obviously, she wasn't shaken by a little one night stand song.  

Mom:  Is it?  Oh.  Well, I just love his voice.

So when I heard this new version of How Will I Know, I knew she would love it.  I called her up this morning and told her about it.

Me:  Mom, you will love this new song by Sam Smith.  It's Whitney's How Will I Know but slowed way down and more like a ballad.

Mom:  Oh, that's great.  Maybe my radio station will play it when they're done playing Christmas songs.

Me:  Oh, Mom.

I tried to explain to her how she could find it on iTunes or even YouTube but I think she won't hear it until I go over there this Thursday to help decorate cookies and PLAY THE SONG FOR HER.

She reads my blog so HERE YOU GO, MOM.

Just press play.

;)


12/10/14

Women's Intuition

Heretofore I was going to write about an easy holiday craft.  I have no idea what heretofore means, but it sounded fancy and smart and I like the way it looks so there you go.  I'm keeping it.

I will write about the easy holiday craft tomorrow.

Instead, tonight, I will talk about women's intuition.

Because mine was out in full force tonight and for a very good reason, let me tell you!

I got my hair done tonight.  I have followed my hair dresser from one salon to another for years now.  And then she finally got her own place.  She owns it.  Talk about fancy!  Anywho, it's not in the best of areas, but it's also not in the worst of areas.  It's fine.  Especially when it's summer and stays light out until 9pm.  Or when it's summer and I go in the middle of the day as a lady of leisure.  Oh, and just so you know, I don't ever go on Saturdays because it's Saturday and I'm busy being a lady of leisure who can't get off the couch.

When it's winter and it's dark at 5pm, the area is a little . . . well, some might call it . . . okay, most people would say it's perfectly safe, but this is me talking and I'm a big ole scaredy cat who has an irrational fear of white vans.  So there you go.

It was about 6:30pm when I was leaving and I had my huge school bag (I always work while getting my hair done which completely ruins the Lady of Leisure Look that I'm going for), plus some shampoo and conditioner.  Because I needed it.  And my hair is a snob and does not like shampoo or conditioner from Target.

And as I was leaving, I saw a sketchy guy.  

He was sketchy.  And he was just walking around the parking lot.  The dark parking lot.

He looked completely normal, as far as normal goes, but I got a bad vibe.

My women's intuition went into full effect.  I told myself not to spend any extra time putting my school bag and purchases into the back of my car.  I told myself to just get in the car and lock the doors.

And that is what I did while simultaneously starting my car.

And then guess what happened?  As I was sliding my humongous bag across my lap to sit it on the passenger seat, SOMEONE KNOCKED ON MY WINDOW!

AND IT WAS SKETCHY GUY!

He tried to say something to me, but I said no or mouthed no or shook my head or had a heart attack and put my car in reverse and hightailed it out of there!  And by hightailed, I mean I looked carefully behind me to make sure it was safe to pull out of my parking space, and then I drove at a reasonable speed in the parking lot because it was a parking lot.

And then I felt guilty.

Because maybe he really needed my help.

And I recently bought a $25 gift card to Stater Brothers so that I can give it to someone in need (I've been thinking a homeless person asking for money on the corner) and maybe this was the guy that needed it!

But Steve said a strange man should never go up to a woman in a parking lot and knock on her driver's side window and ask her anything for any reason whatsoever at all!  He was all in a tizzy when I told him.

Which made it all better.  Along with the grilled cheese panini and tomato soup that he made me.

I also think this calls for wine.

Don't you?

(Have you ever put your women's intuition to use?)

12/6/14

Five for Fraturday

Happy Saturday!

Our weekend is going to consist of all things Christmas.  We usually decorate our tree and the house Thanksgiving weekend, but seeing as how we were lounging by a pool and eating everything in sight in the Dominican Republic, we are going to do it today and tomorrow.

One of our biggest traditions is that while we decorate the tree (we have moved on from real to artificial and I think it saved our marriage because, for some reason, sticking a real tree into a stand is hard or something and makes your first year husband someone you don't even recognize) . . . anyways, we always order pizza, open a bottle of wine, decorate the tree, and listen to Christmas music.  Then we admire the tree for a couple of minutes (ours has to go in our formal, fancy-pants living room because our cozy family room is just too small and there is no space for a tree and that is called sad in case you were wondering) . . . so we admire our handiwork and then we watch a Christmas movie like The Holiday or Love Actually or Christmas Vacation or Elf.  Or we might watch all four.  It just depends.

So that's on my agenda for the weekend.  

In the meantime, here is how my week went:




IT RAINED!

It rained a lot.  It was not fun while it was raining at school (I've explained before that I teach at an outdoor school which means I have to walk outside to get anywhere) but I absolutely loved it the rest of the time.  We really needed it and I think everyone was really happy that it was raining.  I mean that genuinely.  No one really complained that our kids were stuck inside (aside from the occasional my kids are driving me crazy). 

It might have been a Christmas miracle.

I do not have rain boots and I have decided I'm going to invest in a pair because if it rains twice a year in California, then I will have gotten my money's worth in five years.  Or six.  Or thereabouts.  I don't know.  But I've got my eye on a pair of Hunter boots thanks to Mix and Match Mama and Pinterest Told Me To.

Murphie did not care that it was raining and kept asking me to go out to play (she is very vocal) and I kept telling her I wasn't going out in the rain, I'd just been out in the rain all day at school, and my feet were wet because I don't own a pair of rain boots.  Yet.

I raised the blinds to show her that it was raining.


She did not care.
At all.
And she went out the doggy door and played by herself.
According to all of the mud in my house, she had a great time.




Say what?

This came in the mail for me.

It is baby formula.

And it was addressed to me.

I think someone really does think that Murphie is my actual baby.

At first, I thought it might be from my Secret Santa because I'm participating in one where you mail the gift and I can tell you right now, I was not happy because I always get nice gifts for my Secret Santa recipient, but I always end up with the white elephant type of gift.

Really.  And I'm not being selfish or not living up to the tis better to give than to receive . . . I'm just telling the truth.  

One year at school, my Secret Santa gave me a Mrs. Claus salt shaker.  The salt shaker was the kind you would find in a diner.  And my Secret Santa glued cotton and fabric to it to make it look like Mrs. Claus.

And that was my gift for the day.

A Mrs. Claus salt shaker.  And no Mr. Claus, either.  And it wasn't even wrapped.  It was just put in my box with a note that said, "Love, your Secret Santa".

I'm still not over it.

Anywho, then I got excited that maybe my Secret Santa disguised my real gift in a baby formula box so I ripped it open hoping to find a new pair of Hunter boots but all I found was . . . baby formula.

I donated the baby formula.

Because NEWS FLASH:  I don't have a baby.  Nor am I having trouble breast feeding.


Boys and girls, this is a wire.

And it used to be in my mouth.

It was my PERMANENT bottom retainer that I have had for more than . . . well, let's say 20 years and leave it at that.  I remember when my orthodontist put it on, I asked how long I would have to wear it.

And he said FOREVER.

Apparently not.

I wish I could tell you that I was eating a caramel apple, or a Laffy Taffy, or a Jolly Rancher, or even a Now and Later, but I wasn't.

I was FLOSSING.

I know!  What are the chances?

You'd think I'd feel relief from the wire being gone after all these years, but I don't.  Because what I feel is CEMENT on the back of my teeth and I can't hardly stand it.  Except my tongue keeps going there anyway.  It's the darndest thing.

It just so happens that I have a dental appointment on Monday so I called them up (Steve's aunt works there - it's a family affair) and asked if they could extend my time and if the dentist could glue it back on.

Sure.

No problem.

Okay.  

Except that . . . I told myself over and over and over again to go get a baggie and put it inside the baggie and then put the baggie in my purse.

But I didn't.

And when I got home yesterday, the wire that had been sitting on my sink was gone.

Because my house cleaner threw it away.

And she never throws anything away. 

But my wire is gone.

Insert CRYING EMOJI.

Who knows what now.

I don't know.



Last night was our staff Christmas party at my friend Meghan's house.  There was tons of food, drinks, and fun.  And it was LOUD.

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

At one point, Meghan got out her flute and played for us.  


Don't be jealous that you don't work at my school.



Meghan, me, Nicole
Love these girls!

My friend Laurie and I were each other's dates.  It's easier that way.  Then we don't have to babysit our husbands.  We say that lovingly.  With all the love in the world.



Karaoke!

Did you know that you can just You Tube Karaoke songs and you're good to go?

So we did that.

This is the song Eternal Flame by the Bangles.  If you don't know it, then you are young.

And I am not.

Clearly.





Just in case my Secret Santa is reading this . . . 

Hmmmm.

I wonder if this could be turned into a salt shaker?

;)

12/4/14

Hot Chocolate!

Hello there.

I didn't have any visitors today so it was an amazing day and everything just moved right along like it always does.

Except for one little thing.

It's December.  It rained this week.  And we had inside recess for two days in a row.  

Oh.  And Christmas is coming!!!!  Did you know?! CHRISTMAS IS COMING!

My kids are a little amped up.  

And I am on the verge of losing it.  But in a I love these kids, they're just six years old, I love this time of year kind of way.  I'm sure you know what I mean.

One minute I'm oohing and aahing over how cute they are about this tradition or that tradition, or what their Elf on the Shelf did at home, or the sweet little expressions on their faces when they tell me how many more days are left until Santa comes . . . and the next minute, I have lost all control, the class is talking at such a high decibel that the roof is going to come loose, and only a handful of my students are doing what they're supposed to be doing.

Frankly, it's exhausting.  It's the reason I am drinking a glass of wine at this very moment.  I mean, if you can't join them, then take a sip, is what I always say.  

Excuse me while I take a sip.

So.

The other day, I was chit chatting with Lauren from A Teachable Teacher and she told me about her cute little Hot Chocolate Behavior Freebie.


The kids have to earn all of the letters in order to get a Hot Chocolate party.  How fun, right?  Lauren is even going to have a fire going!  Read her blog to see how she's going to make that happen . . . I am definitely going to have a fire, too.

I think I pretty much stopped listening half way through so that I could hit print, turn on my fancy-pants laminator, and get to work.

I got mine all set up and it took us TWO WHOLE DAYS to earn the first letter.


Ay yi yi!

But . . . whether the kids realize it or not, we will be having a pajama day with hot chocolate and a mini donut.

I already know the day.  It's in my plans.  I mean, I'm in charge.  I read it somewhere.

My only problem is figuring out how to make sure they earn the letters in time.

Maybe I should tell them to bring me gifts????

Hmmmm.

Something to think about.

This is a freebie on Lauren's blog . . . it takes three pieces of card stock.  You don't even have to laminate it.  But I did.  I highly recommend it!

AND PS:
I make hot chocolate the old fashioned way.  Here's my recipe:

Ingredients:
Chocolate milk

To prepare:
Pour chocolate milk into a crock pot.

The End.

*Yes, I know about Dairy allergies.  Obviously, you will need an alternative if you have a student with a dairy allergy.

Thank you, Lauren, for the awesome freebie!!!!  :)

Sip.

Don't forget to leave Lauren some love if you download the freebie!  :)

12/3/14

The Big Wig

So . . . 

The Big Wig came again today.  You know.  The Head Honcho.  

The Superintendent.

Of the whole district.

Yeah.  Him.

Plus, a board member, the principal, and THE CHIEF OF POLICE because his wife just so happens to be our computer lab aide.

So yeah.

We knew The Big Wig was coming today because we got an email and it might have been on the announcements fourteen times.  My phone was blowing up this morning with text messages asking what was I wearing and could we still wear our usual Wednesday wear (jeans and a Spirit t-shirt), etc.  I mean, we were all aflutter.

Anywho, I told myself to relax this time.  I know what I'm doing.  I'm a veteran teacher, after all.

And I blog.

Hello?

I could do this.

I could definitely handle it better than how I handled it {last year}.

I was all prepared and ready to introduce Annie's (The Moffatt GirlsDecember Journals for beginning writers.  



I fired up my ladybug (which is my document camera) and the projector before school started to make sure that the ladybug was feeling good and not grouchy (it tends to freeze) and I was all set.

All set, I said.

Then, when I showed my kids their December journals, there was applause.

Spontaneous applause!!!  And I didn't even do a big ole thing, either.    Sometimes I do a big ole thing to ensure that whatever we are doing will be received with an outpouring of adoration for yours truly.  But I kind of just picked up a packet and said, "So this is going to be your December jour-" and there whoops and hollers and applause!

Was the Big Wig in my room at this time?

No.

Of course not.

I took a bow anyway.

Then I told my kids that we would be at our desks while I modeled my expectations, etc. on the ladybug.  I mean, it was Day One for our new Journal Writing Journey and I wanted to show them how to use the nifty word/picture bank and the sentence starter and the I Can statements . . . I have BIG plans for these journals and today was a very important Let's Do This type of day!

They went to their seats, I went to the projector/ladybug and guess what?

Yep.

It was frozen and there was a message saying "No Connection".

But, seeing as how no visitors had yet arrived, I took a deep breath, told my kids to hold on, and restarted my computer.

And then . . . 

DUN DUN DUN.

In walked all of the Head Honchos including the Chief of Police because that doesn't make anyone nervous or anything, right?  I mean, surely I stopped at all of the stop signs on the way into work today, right?  It was raining, after all, so surely I abided all the laws of whatever-and-whatnot-and-holy-cow-here-they-are-and-I-am-at-the-computer-and-my-kids-are-at-their-desks-not-doing-a-darn-thing-because-I-told-them-to-hold-on!

Can't breathe.

Loss of oxygen.

Heart Attack.

Get a grip, Kristin!  If I could have slapped myself, I would have, but that might have looked strange so I just told myself inside my head . . . FAKERS GONNA FAKE!

And I faked it.

And I started spouting out all this nonsense about subject and predicate and starting with a capital letter and tell me about your family and because you're telling me about your family, which punctuation mark do we use . . . and any other big word I could think of besides actually saying the words COMMON CORE and RIGOR and PLEASE GET OUT OF MY ROOM NOW, MY LADYBUG IS FROZEN AND I AM NOT MODELING A DARN THING AND WHERE WERE YOU WHEN MY KIDS WERE SHOWERING ME WITH APPLAUSE?!  HUH?  WHERE WERE YOU PEOPLE?  HUH?

WAAAAAHHHHH.

The Head Honchos walked around and worked with kids.

They were there FOREVERRRRRR.

And by forever, I mean at least FIVE WHOLE MINUTES.

I found some time to walk over to my principal (I love her!) and I said in a pseudo whisper, "My ladybug is frozen and I am supposed to be modeling this lesson!"

And she said, "Oh no!  It's fine!  Don't worry!  This is terrific!"

And the superintendent overheard us and he said, "Oh no!  Well, we will have to work on getting you a new . . . a new . . . butterfly?"

And that broke the ice for me (I mean, how funny is that?) and then I decided he and I were fast friends.  Which means I basically said, out loud, to him:


It's only not working because you're in here!
It's a grouchy ladybug!
Like the book by Eric Carle!
Do you know it?
Oh my word, I am so hot!
Are you hot?
I'm hot.
(Wipe forehead with sleeve)
I'm supposed to be modeling this lesson!
Oh my word.
Geesh.  It is so hot.

And he said:

Oh, this is terrific!
We would have never known.
I love it.
It's so nice to see you!

And then they left.

And then my ladybug started working, of course. 

And then I pretty much took off my Ugg boots and collapsed onto the carpet.

I can't handle Big Wigs and Head Honchos.

I just can't.

It's been determined.