3/3/15

Talk About It Tuesday

THE GIRLS TELL ALL!

Last night's episode might have been the only thing that got me out of bed on Monday morning.  

Chris Harrison and Farmer Chris crashed Bachelor Nation Viewing Parties and it was pretty hilarious.  The screams and hollers and high pitched noises coming from the girls (and some guys) were top notch.  Chris said it best when he said he was pretty sure alcohol had been consumed at most of the parties.

Cheers, Chris!

They reviewed some of the drama on this season before beginning with any of the hot seat stuff.


pool party
Mesa Verde
child sized shorts
twerking
virgin
She's here (hand motion).  I am here (hand motion).
I am a woman.
Arlington
Waaa Waaa Waaaa.
Boo Hoo Hoo.  Boo Hoo Hoo.

Britt was crying pretty much immediately once the show began because it was shown in the review film that Carly was happy to see Britt squirm, she was happy to watch Britt cry, she was happy that Britt left.  

Britt confronted Carly and wanted to know why she was two-faced.  

After that, it was like a tennis match between Britt and Carly (and a little bit of Jillian who apparently loves Britt) as they rehashed everything and then rehashed the rehashing.  It was exhausting.  Britt cried a lot.  Her face would melt into tears and then BAM!  She'd fire away at Carly.  Then her face would melt again.  Then BAM!  Take that, Carly!

They kept filming during the commercial break which showed Britt and Chris Harrison having a heart to heart while Britt just cried and cried.  GET IT TOGETHER, GIRL.  Geesh.  Oh my word.  I couldn't take it.

Next up was Kelsey!

She said she felt betrayed and as if she was grieving again.  She was crying and asked for a tissue so Harrison gave her the handkerchief from his pocket.  And then she literally wiped her nose with it.  And I'm not talking delicately.  I mean she got all up in there.  She told Harrison she was going to keep it.

He said, YEAH, YA ARE!  

While Kelsey went on and on and blah blah blah, the other women were trying to interrupt because they were dying to talk.  At one point, Harrison said, "NOT YET!"

Ha!

When the ladies finally got a turn, they just went after Kelsey.  They didn't understand her, they were confused by her, they told her she was manipulative, and they questioned her every move.

She did what she could and she apologized to the girls, but I think all love is lost.  For forever.  

Onion Girl was next in the hot seat.  And she brought Harrison an onion because . . . well, she is growing onions now.  For real.  She is growing a garden of onions.  

Of course she was slightly off during her time with Harrison and the other women were cracking up.  I can't say I was cracking up because I was just staring.  Rudely staring.  I do not understand her.  AT ALL.

At the very end, Harrison asked her to be on Bachelor Pad and she never replied, even though all of the women and everyone in the audience was chanting Do It! Do It! Do It!  which took me down memory lane to when I was at Hadar's bridal shower on Sunday and I ordered the Salted Caramel dessert which was basically like melted caramel in a cup and no one thought I could eat the whole thing and they were yelling Do It!  Do It!  Do It!  saying It's too sweet.  I can't eat this.  Are you going to eat it? Does no one know me but at all?  I could have had two!

After Harrison quieted the audience, Onion Girl did not agree or disagree to be on Bachelor Pad.  Instead she said, Isn't this weird?  We're all on TV.

Jade's turn was next.  They talked a lot about her pictures from the past and blah blah blah.  Jade didn't feel like she got enough closure.

Last was Kaitlyn's turn.  She kept doing weird lip movements when she was talking.  I am a little suspicious about some lip plumping or something.  I don't know.  She kept licking her upper lip and it almost seemed difficult for her to talk.  But maybe that's because she's still upset.

Finally Farmer Chris came out (which meant Britt melted into tears) so Harrison pointed it out and then gave the floor to Britt.  But Britt said can I come up there? and so she went up there and hugged Farmer Chris for a really long time.  A REALLY LONG TIME.  Probably inappropriately long.

Britt wanted to make sure that what Carly said didn't change his mind about her and Chris promptly set her straight.  He did not give Britt a rose because he didn't want to.  It had nothing to do with Carly.

Ka-pow!

Kaitlyn got to ask Chris questions, too, and her biggest one was why did he make her go through the rose ceremony in the first place.

His answer?  It was his first time being a bachelor and he should have done things differently.

Jade also took a turn with Chris and confronted him about things she'd read in one of his blogs.  But they worked through it (I think) and it turns out Chris just used a poor choice of words.  Apparently, it was awkward for him to look at nude pictures of a girl that he was dating while sitting next to the girl in question.  That was a first for him.  Oh sure, Farmer Boy.  Sure.

The bloopers were pretty funny.  Especially when they focused on Chris' laugh and how it sounded like a dolphin which is entirely true.

And that was about it.

It went by way too fast.  I don't think enough was covered and, yet, I feel like there was nothing left to cover.  So oh well.

Now we wait for the 3 hour season finale on Monday.

:)

3/2/15

Murphie and Milo

No, no, no, we didn't get another dog.

We got a cat.

No, no, no, that's not true, either.  And don't be mad at me if you're a cat person, but I'm not.  I am not a cat person.  I've tried.  I'm just not.

Cats are very quiet.  And sneaky.  And the one time we watched a friend's cat, I lived my life in fear for an entire week.

I'd be brushing my teeth and BOO!  The cat would jump onto the sink and scare the living daylights out of me.  Or, I'd be sleeping (not soundly because I was on edge about the sneaky cat) and it would jump on my head!  I said, the cat would jump on my head while I was sleeping! 

I'm just way more comfortable with the noisiness of dogs.  You know - all the pant, pant, click, click, yawning, slurping, what-have-you.  Steve used to call our other dog, Foster, Mr Pants-A-Lot.  I mean, you could hear Foster coming from a mile away.

All of that is to say that I do not think that I will ever own a cat.  But that doesn't mean that I won't go near a cat or a cat person.  Several of my friends have cats and it's fine.  It's all good.  Please do not leave me a comment telling me that you hate me and that I am the devil of {the humane} society.

I am an animal lover.  I just happen to have a dog for a pet.


Meet Murphie and Milo.

You might remember that I asked you to Name That Character and I might have even hinted that we would have a little naming contest voting situation and then time and life and things and school and reality TV got in the way and now here we are.

I had to start writing my spring plays for Advanced Readers because at least two people asked me to and I'm a people pleaser (unless you ask me to own a cat - that is where I draw the line) and I couldn't help it.

And the next thing I knew, I'd finished writing all of the plays, put them in my store, printed them, prepped them, and had a mom laminate and cut them out for me.  They're ready to go.  My kids get to see them tomorrow.  (When they saw the mom with the new plays, they went a little crazy, especially when they saw Murphie's name.)

In other words, I never asked you to vote and I never held a contest or anything.  I just did it.  I just named my own characters Murphie and Milo without a contest or your input.

Who do I think I am?

Several of you thought the combination of Murphie and Marmalade was cute and so did I.  However, Marmalade is a super long name and it completely messed up the spacing and font size when I started writing it.  So I had to let it go.

I read through all of the comments and it was overwhelming (or underwhelming depending on what you think of 66 comments and about 25 on Facebook) how many of you thought I should name one of the characters Murphie.

So I did.

:)

And then I read through the comments again trying to decide on the cat's name and that's when I saw Milo.  I kept coming back to it and I just liked the sound of Murphie and Milo, not to mention it's M and M.  I've never been one to turn down an M&M, I'll tell you that.

I updated my spring plays for Kinder Kids and you'll see Murphie and Milo as the characters, but I didn't name them.  They're just Dog and Cat.  I thought that was easier somehow.

And that is the story of how two fictional characters got the names Murphie and Milo.

The End.

No!  Not the end!  I'm giving away all three levels of my spring plays!  Kinder Kids, Beginning Readers, and Advanced Readers!

Enter below!  :)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

3/1/15

So Cal Kinder Conf Recap

Hello there!

I have had a whirlwind week/weekend and now it's Sunday night and I'm wondering how in the world I'm going to wake up tomorrow.

I read about all those late starts due to winter weather and I know you winter weather people are completely over it, but I need to figure out a way to get a late start for tomorrow that does not involve me being ill or writing sub plans of any kind.  Come on.  Huddle up.  Let's think.  

Anything?

Okay, keep thinking and let me tell you about the Southern California Kindergarten Conference that I presented for this weekend.

I repeated my presentation from last year which was a Make and Take Session on how I use Reader's Theater in the classroom to practice reading and fluency.

And, let's be honest, when you present for a Make and Take Session, you only present for a little bit and the rest of the time is for making and taking.  I'm no dummy.  ;)

It was a lot of fun and I met some terrific people who were really nice and supportive!  I'm not talking about my mom or dad, either.  They didn't attend.  I'm talking about strangers!

I told the attendees a story that they probably thought I made up or that it happened to someone else or that it happened a long time ago.  But this seriously happened on Thursday.  As in four days ago.  Really.

Here it is:

Laurie, my teaching partner, has a little girl in her class that won't speak.  AT ALL.  She started in her class before Winter Break (I'm pretty sure - I can't be positive because I have 32 kids of my own, and I can't keep track of all my first graders, much less anyone else's) and she is a language learner.  We'll call her Melissa.  Melissa will talk at home, but not at school.  AT ALL.  Melissa will not talk at all.  

There was a meeting held about the not-speaking thing and strategies to implement to get her to speak, etc.  Laurie had heard her whisper once or twice (as in yes or no), but she had never spoken to the other kids.

Well . . . last week, I let Laurie borrow a bunch of my plays and she partnered up her kids and let them practice when they had extra time.  Towards the end of the week, she was allowing duos to come up and perform in front of the class here and there throughout the day.

Melissa had been practicing one of the plays for Kinder Kids, but Laurie had no idea if she'd actually been speaking as she practiced.   Laurie has 32 kids, too, and when one isn't speaking, it's actually kind of refreshing as I'm sure you can imagine.  Laurie told Melissa's partner that she would do it with her when the time came because she was sure Melissa would not get up in front of the class.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Laurie called on Melissa and her partner, and they went up in front of the class.  Melissa stood up with her folder and went to the front of the class.  Laurie's class started gasping and whispering, Melissa's going up there!  Melissa is going to do a play?!  Is Melissa going to talk?  Melissa!!!!!!

Laurie was so afraid that her class was going to freak Melissa out because they were so excited and surprised . . . but they didn't.

And Melissa spoke for the first time.

She read an entire play.  

She read an entire play standing up in front of the class.

Laurie said her class went wild with applause and shouts of Bravo!! - they were so thrilled and happy for their friend, Melissa.  Laurie had goosebumps and was teary-eyed as she relayed the story to me.  (So did I!)

Laurie said, "Kristin, this is why we teach."

I think I made a couple of attendees well up with tears, too.  

That's a job well done, if I do say so myself.

;)

I have no idea why these plays are so magical, but they are.  My most reluctant and shy students will come up to perform, as well as my struggling readers.  I don't understand it, but I love it.  It gets kids excited about reading and it gets them to re-read and practice their fluency and expression, too.



Can someone tell me where I'm looking?
Maybe they had just rolled out the dessert?
Or a bottle of wine?

We had another Blogger Bash and this one was a bit different in that each table had a seat reserved for a Blogger and then we "table hopped" for each course of the meal, plus a couple of times just because they told us to.  If you asked me who they were, I couldn't tell you.  I just showed up because I followed the other bloggers and I smelled food.  The table hopping really wasn't communicated to us so it was a bit of a surprise but, seeing as how I'll talk to anyone about anything, I thought it was fun.  I met some great people and talked about The Bachelor a lot.

Afterwards, we headed down to the hotel bar for a little celebratory drink.  


Where's Kristin?

It was a great weekend with lots of amazing presenters and lots of fun lunches!  I came away with so many new ideas that I can't wait to implement in my classroom.  If you ever get a chance to go, GO.

The biggest take away was that Kerri from Teacher Bits and Bobs introduced me to a reality show called Alaskan Bush People on the Discovery Channel.  

If you don't hear from me for a couple of days, do not be alarmed.  I'm just binge watching these Alaskan Bush People.

:)

2/24/15

Talk About It Tuesday

I'm apologizing in advance.

I have a bit of a Vegas jet lag thing going on.  I know I didn't change time zones, but I stayed up way too late over the weekend and it's affecting me, plus we had rain on a Monday.  It's not my fault I'm not feeling myself.

Chris has three ladies left:  Kaitlyn (with a C or a K, does it really matter?  I think we all know she isn't going to be the one), Becca, and Whitney.  They went to Bali.

I KNOW!  BALI!

Chris said it was so beautiful and that he could see himself going back there for his honeymoon.

Uh, no.  BIG FAT NO, Chris.  Because if I were the one he chose, and he took me back to Bali where he also spent time with two other girls, our honeymoon would be not be so honey.  The entire time, I would just be saying Did you go here with the other girls, too?  And did you eat this with the other girls, too?  And WHERE IN THE WORLD WERE YOU NOT WITH OTHER GIRLS BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO GO, YOU BIG DUMB IDIOT TAKING ME ON A HONEYMOON THAT WAS THE LOCATION OF DATES WITH OTHER GIRLS.

Not to mention, Chris said the fantasy suites were important because he needed to know if the physical intimacy was there.  Yeah, sure, buddy.  Uh huh.

Kaitlyn was up first and they went into a temple where they were not allowed to kiss.  We've seen this before.  

Been there, done that.

Then they went into a jungle where there were a million monkeys climbing all over Chris and peeing on him.  I think it was supposed to be cute and fun, but Kaitlyn was scared of how aggressive the monkeys were (as was I!).  These monkeys meant business and they liked their bananas.  

After the Attack of the Monkeys, Chris and Kaitlyn had a little make out session and all I could think was that Chris had Monkey Urine all over his shirt.

Later they went to dinner where Kaitlyn tried to be vulnerable in order to tell Chris how she was feeling.  But she didn't get very far. But that was okay because they opened up the {DUN DUN DUN} Fantasy Suite card and, once there, Kaitlyn told him she was falling in love with him.

And THEN Chris said he was falling in love with her, too!

WAIT!  WHAT?

I did a quick rewind and sure enough, yep.  He told her he was falling in love with her, too.  Hmmm.  Is this new?  Or is this just a Prince Farming thing?  I thought every other bachelor before this would just nod their head and smile and maybe say thank you with a little smirk of gotcha where I want ya, now I'm gonna get ya, and, oh, by the way, you're probably going home after this.  I was just checking the physical intimacy between us.  Seems good.  I just don't like your personality.

Kaitlyn and Chris went to the Fantasy Suite and closed the curtains.

A-hem.

Next up was Whitney.  They went sailing on a boat that looked like a pirate ship.  They had a big long talk about Whitney's sister and how she didn't give her blessing to Chris.  Chris was not deterred.  He doesn't need no stinking blessing.  He's the bachelor, for goodness sake!

They jumped in the water.  We've seen this before, too.

Later at dinner, Chris talked to Whitney about how small Arlington is and how this would affect her career.  Whitney put his mind at ease and said she's ready to leave her career and ready to start making babies!  That it's not where you live but who you're with.

They went to the Fantasy Suite next and did who knows what, just use your imagination, or don't, I'm choosing to believe they stayed up late playing Checkers.

Becca was up next.  They visited some Bali farmland . . . they played with some kids . . . they met an old man who was this old soul of questions and answers (I'm sure he had an official title, but I didn't catch it) and he told them to make love.

I'm convinced this old man is an actor and he was in on the whole thing.

This part of the episode was all about Becca's  virginity.   I mean, they must have said the words virgin and virginity a thousand times.  

At dinner, Becca told Chris she was falling in love with him and he told her he was falling in love with her, too.  Which makes me think that this must have occurred between Whitney and Chris, as well, but I must have spaced out or not cared.  I'm chalking this up to this is a Prince Farming type of thing and not a normal Bachelor thing.

Can he really be falling in love with all three women?  

When the Fantasy Suite card came, Becca was confusing me and talking about temptation and . . . well, it almost seemed as if she might not wait until marriage which was weird.  Because surely she wouldn't . . . not when he was dating two other people . . . but I didn't get what she was saying.  AT ALL.  Surely, she wouldn't!

And then I was worried Chris was just going to steal it!!!  It was a nail biter, let me tell you!

Chris was quiet and a good listener and waited her out . . . and when she *finally* told him that she was a virgin, he handled it well.  He said he respected her for it.  (I do, too!  Hang on to it, Becca!  Hang on!!)

I'm almost 100% positive Becca is still a virgin.  But what do I know?

The next morning, Chris was confused because, supposedly, Becca had some reservations . . . Chris didn't think she was on board with moving to Arlington and making a life there.  Apparently, the other two ladies said they would move there immediately after the show, but Becca wanted reassurance first, and time to make sure their relationship would work before moving.  

Chris was very emotional, he didn't want to make a mistake, and he wanted all three of them to meet his family.

Chris Harrison came for a chat and helped Chris hash it all out.  It was a lot of talk.  This and that.  The right one.  The right reasons.  Iowa.  Love.  I can see us together in the future.  Blah blah blah.  Clarity.  

It was a lot of talk.  Especially for a guy.  And it just went round and round.

Then they had the Rose Ceremony.  All three ladies came out wearing Bali inspired clothing and Chris was wearing a Karate or Tae Kwon Do or Pajama outfit, although I'm sure it was an authentic Bali type of outfit and I've got it all wrong.  

Before the ceremony officially began, Chris asked to see Becca.  Becca talked and talked about Arlington and how she felt and then Chris talked and talked about he felt . . . it was long.  

They rehashed what Chris and Chris Harrison had hashed out.  It was the rehashing of the hashing and it was killing me.  I was kind of getting bored.

Whitney and Kaitlyn were speculating about Chris and Becca's conversation, and Kaitlyn felt happy that he might possibly be saying goodbye to Becca.  It meant Kaitlyn was going to get to meet his family.  She said she felt guilty for being happy because she knew Becca would be sad, but this was great news for her.

Until . . . Chris walked back in with Becca in tow.

DUN DUN DUN.

Then Kaitlyn and Whitney appeared to both have minor convulsions and trembling and looks of fear and tears on their faces.

Chris gave the first rose to Whitney  (I think he has given her the first rose the last few episodes - I should look it up but I can't due to the whole Vegas jet lag thing) and he gave the second and last rose to . . . 

BECCA.

!!!!!!!

Kaitlyn looked super confused.  And then she looked all around and up in the air and from side to side . . . it was a different type of reaction.  I think she was trying not to cry and bobbing her head all around was helping with that.

I recently learned that if you're trying not to cry, you should clear your throat.  It has something to do with something else and you can't do both at the same time or something.   Try it.

Chris walked Kaitlyn out and apologized to her.  Kaitlyn just listened and choked back tears.  Meanwhile, Whitney and Becca looked on.

Kaitlyn got in the car and said she was humiliated.  She appeared angry that she had let herself be vulnerable because NOW LOOK!  NOW SHE'S HEARTBROKEN. 

I hear ya, Kaitlyn.  I do. 

Chris stayed back and cried his manly cry.

Next week is The Girls Tell All!!  I love The Girls Tell All!  Is it two hours usually?  I can't wait!! 

2/21/15

Five for Fraturday

Happy Saturday!  




This was our Valentine's Day dinner last Saturday.  We had cheese fondue with bread (all sorts), asparagus wrapped in proscuitto, and broccoli.  Plus we had bruschetta.

And wine, of course.

That was our dinner.  There was no main course.  I prefer snacking to actual meals so this was Steve's present to me.

And we watched Friends.

For dessert, we had chocolate fondue with bananas and strawberries.

And wine, of course.

And we watched Friends.

If you can't tell, it was a perfect Valentine's evening.  



On Sunday, we attended a memorial service for our friend,  Jenn, who lost her battle with brain cancer.  She was actually Murphie's trainer and Steve had become good friends with her husband through all of the Schutzhund work they did together.  I can't remember if I ever blogged about the Schutzhund work Murphie did two days a week for the first year of her life, but you can check out this link.  It is pretty amazing and Jenn was one of the trainers, plus she helped me with basic obedience every other Saturday.  We would probably still be doing Schutzhund if it didn't take such a big commitment.  Murphie loves it, plus she's good at it if I do say so myself.  :)  Not to mention, now Murphie's bilingual because of it and speaks both English and German.  True Story.

Jenn's memorial service was held at the training site (which is beautiful) and it was sad, sweet, perfect, and a true celebration of her life.  

Afterwards, there was a BBQ and some Puppy Therapy time.  The puppies need to be socialized and we needed comfort.  Puppy Therapy is a real thing!  Jenn truly believed in it and I do, too.  :)  I  will forever say that teacher work rooms need puppies.


I know it's not just me.
Aren't German Shepherd puppies THE CUTEST?
It was really hard not to kidnap one.
REALLY HARD.
I was mad at myself that I didn't bring a bigger purse.


Lastly, we planted a tree in Jenn's honor and ate cupcakes.

It was a hard day, but it was also really special.  




BOGGLE!  Finally!  This has only been up on my wall since the beginning of the year and I just now (this week) told my kids all about it.

I'm aiming for Teacher of the Year, if you didn't know.

I meant to blog about it this week (not that you don't understand Boggle or what it's for, but still) and I didn't.  So I hope to come back this week with some pictures and some details of how I introduced it to my class and how one little girl said, FINALLY, I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL YEAR FOR THIS!




Here's pretty much the reason I didn't blog about it.

I went to bed a little early a couple of nights this week.  Which isn't like me at all.  I love love love sleep, but I actually need very little to function.  I'm all about getting the most out of my evenings, which includes eating, watching reality TV, catching up on schoolwork, reading blogs, writing posts, and working on a new TpT product (possibly, but most likely not).  Oh, and there's Murphie and Steve, who also take up my time.  In a good way.

But this week did me in.  So I just went to bed.  And that's all I remember.





Now, we are in VEGAS!  

Baby.

I think I did that wrong.

We flew here last night to meet up with Steve's brother and sister-in-law who are here from Tennessee (and almost didn't make it due to the weather!!!!).

We didn't get in until 9pm and all I kept thinking was how I wanted to go to the hotel and get in the robe and get all cozy . . . and how in the world would I be able to stay up . . . and the next thing I knew it was 2am.

Seriously!  

WHO AM I?

I guess, in all actuality, I was going to bed early this week as some sort of sleepsoyoucanstayawake training for this weekend.

We had some dinner, walked the strip, had a drink at a pub, and then finally came back to the hotel.

Today we are off to do some sort of Scavenger Hunt Look For Clues Tour Thing that Steve's brother set up for us.  So that should be fun.  :)

And maybe we'll gamble a little bit tonight.  Maybe.  I'm not what you would call a good gambler because I have a hard time handing over my money.  The first time I lose any amount of money, I'm done.  WALK AWAY, is what I always say.  

GET A MASSAGE INSTEAD, is what I always say.

;)

Have a happy Saturday!

2/17/15

Talk About It Tuesday

I'm not gonna lie.  

Five Hours of Bachelor Footage is a lot to take in.  

But I did it for you.

There was no lead-in or time to even think with this episode . . . it just literally began with Chris and Becca on a one-on-one.  

It was definitely a different way to begin the episode.  It's possible I forgot that she got a one-on-one in the last episode, but who knows?  This whole season is completely different than the others, as far as the whole set up situation goes.  There isn't any rhyme or reason as far as I can tell.

Anyways, Chris took Becca to the loft he was staying in (although Chris acted like it was his loft, like he owned it, welcome to my loft, do you like my loft, want to go up on my roof and watch my sunset?) and they had a good chat and some noisy kissing.  Hello, production crew, please turn down the sound already!


At the hotel, Britt told the girls that she was probably going to pack her bags and leave before the next rose ceremony.  This was because of her whole big attitude with Chris on the previous episode when she didn't get the group date rose and was a big ole baby acting as if she was The Bachelorette and it was her own show.  She held back tears (sort of) and Carly had had enough.


You know the source.

Oh, Carly, I feel ya.  I totally do.  Besides being fed up with Britt, I wonder if Carly was going to smell her own hair next in a I take showers and wash my hair and it smells like strawberries and a big whiff will help me calm down sort of way. 

Britt is wishy washy (not to be confused with washing with actual soap) and they have all had enough.  You want to go?  Go!  

The other girls were completely annoyed by her so Britt left the room and cried some more as if she were in a daytime soap opera.  But, again, without the soap.

Geesh.  I could do this all day.

It was pretty much determined that Britt wanted Chris to fight for her, that she wanted to be all dramatic and say she was leaving, she couldn't introduce him to her family when he didn't give her a group date rose for heaven's sake and then Chris would say I love you, you're the one, let's get married, the show is over.

But in true ABC fashion, there would be no cocktail party so everything Britt had been planning in her Fantasy World (I wonder if Kelsey and Onion Girl live in the same place) came crashing down.

Chris started to speak, she interrupted him (as per usual), and asked to speak to him for like, two seconds, and he said yes.  I wish he would have said no.

No, Britt.  No.  You tried to manhandle me last night and run the show and it's not about you, you big baby, so no.  No, I said.  And stop wearing your eyeliner up to your eyebrows.  I get that it looks good sometimes, but you don't have to do it every single time.

Those are just some of the things I wish Chris would say.

Britt apologized over and over to Chris, but he said he was starting to question things, that he had been told she is a liar and manipulative, etc.  She tried to talk her way around it, but Chris said this:

The way you reacted is not what I want in a wife.  And the way Carly reacted is what I do want.


And then he walked her out.

See ya.  

Oopsie, Britt.  I don't think she had that planned in her Fantasy World.  Someone forgot to give Chris the script or he threw it away or something.  She went outside and cried very loudly with sobbing and eh, eh, eh, eh-ing so loud that the other girls could hear her.  I think she was crying that loud so that Chris would come out there to comfort her, but it didn't happen.

This happened instead:


Hope I didn't scare ya.


Buh bye, Britt.

After that, they had the rose ceremony.  He called up Whitney, Becca, and Jade.  Caitlin already had a rose.

Which meant Carly didn't get a rose (which is going to make Britt very happy, by the way).  There was no great goodbye or anything like that.  Just poor Carly in a limo, crying about no one wanting her and what's wrong with her.  I don't know, Carly, I don't know.

I could hardly look.

But, at least your hair smells good, and it has multiple functions.


Blindfold for Pin the Tail on the Donkey
Tissue for Andi Dorfman
Cold Compress
Acting out the book Moostache.



Next up were the Hometown Dates:
Chris traveled to Louisiana to see Becca.  And she jumped into his arms and straddled him like he was a horse.  Maybe she was reminiscing about their horseback riding date?


Is this really necessary?
I think I can say that I have never run into Steve's arms before.
(Well, now that I have the idea in my head, 
Steve isn't gonna know what hit him.)

Becca's family was very welcoming to Chris and he felt very comfortable.  But Becca's sister pulled him aside and told him very quickly that Becca is not affectionate or intimate with men and that he should pretty much be concerned.

Then he spoke to Becca's mom and she said she has never seen Becca hold hands with a guy before and that this is super serious for Becca . . . they don't want her to get hurt and that Chris needs to be sweet and tender.  

Oh, and by the way, Becca is still a virgin and her sister told her that she could go in the Fantasy Suite and order room service and just let Chris know the most exciting part of the evening would be the sugar donut.

YES!  This is what I've been saying!!  ALL ALONG, THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING.  The Fantasy Suite doesn't have to be . . . you know . . . it can be more like a slumber party, rather than, well, you know.  And room service?  PERFECT.  Sugar donut?  You betcha.

Becca didn't want to say goodbye and lucky for her, Chris had planned for them to go to the state fair and ride the ferris wheel together.

The next day (or the next day after that, I'm not really sure) Chris traveled to Chicago to see Whitney.  She took him to her place of work where she is a fertility nurse.  They both changed into scrubs and they did stuff under a microscope and literally made a baby.  Chris was very impressed with her passion and her dedication and all that.

Then Whitney took Chris to the Man Room where men do stuff . . . in the fertility realm of stuff . . . picture a chair and a magazine and a movie and then think about Lysol and Clorox wipes because that's all I kept thinking (who cleans this room? and can we trust that it's clean? and I wouldn't want to step foot in that room!) . . . and she pretty much pranked him because Chris thought he was supposed to do something.

I sure do enjoy pranks.  Remember when Sean made it seem as if he still lived at home with his parents when he was on Emily's season?  And I remember this because . . . I need a life.

They went to meet her family and Whitney had to break down her sister, Kimberly, who was pretty much the one who had to give her blessing.  But her sister was very tough and not on board . . . which really upset Whitney (obviously).  Chris asked her sister for her blessing and sister said Only If Whitney's The Only One But You Have Three Other Women Right Now So No . . . Yeah, that'd be a BIG FAT NO.

Meanwhile, Whitney didn't really care and told Chris that she had fallen in love with him and also, let's have this pricey bottle of wine I got from Napa that I've been saving to share with the man I'm going to marry.  Yes.  Uncork that wine.  Let's all have a glass and cheers to that, right?

Kaitlyn was next.  I realize now that I've been spelling her name wrong all this time, but I'm over it and I'm not going back to edit all of the previous posts.  People spell my name wrong all the time and I survive (although it makes me grumpy at times) so I'm sure Kaitlyn will be fine, especially since she does yoga which makes her all Zen and not grumpy.

Kaitlyn lives in Canada and she took him to a recording studio to write a rap.  That had something to do with their connection, but I didn't catch it or remember it or care that much.  I do not see Kaitlyn in the final two . . . but I do like her.  I just don't see her marrying him.  

Chris went to meet her family and they're a lot like Kaitlyn in a very open and very Zen type of way.  They didn't ask hard questions.  They just accepted everything.  Kaitlyn was the one having a hard time being open.  But she had a message put on a billboard that said Kaitlyn Loves Chris (although really, it was Kaitlyn, a picture of a heart, and Chris) but close enough.  If it doesn't work out, she can say I never said I love you.  I just put a heart between our names on a billboard.  There was no apostrophe s or anything.  You got it twisted, man.  Peace and love, dude.

Last was Jade.  Chris went to Nebraska to see her.  She knew she had to tell him that she posed for Playboy . . . and she was a nervous wreck about it.  He met her family and everyone was really sweet.  But Jade was worried that her family would tell Chris about her Playboy stint before she even had a chance to.

One of her brothers described her as a wild mustang.  That was a bit alarming to Chris.  Her dad just wanted someone that would let her be her . . . and that he trusted whatever she decided.  And then they both had a little cry.  

Dads.  I just love them.

Jade finally told Chris about posing for Playboy (and he was very quiet and waiting so patiently and just letting her take her time which I thought was sweet) but when she finally told him, he continued to not really say anything.  He seemed a little disappointed until she offered to show him some of the photos.

Then he perked right up.

She brought out her laptop and then Chris was giggly and awkward and looking away and then giggly and not sure what to do.  He was literally like a ten year old boy.  His laugh is so high pitched!  

But, ultimately, he told her not to worry, he wouldn't judge her based on her past, and he made her feel a whole lot better about everything.

And, just like that, Hometown Dates were over and it was time for the next Rose Ceremony.

He gave roses to:  Whitney, Kaitlyn, and Becca.

Jade did not get a rose.  Of course, that begs the question is it because she posed for Playboy?  Chris said no, that things were moving faster with the other girls and that's all it was.  He told her she had been a gift to him.  They were sweet and sad.

Sad and sweet.

Chris cried a little.  A very manly cry.  I have to say I quite liked it.

Manly man crying.
Not like Jason Mesnick on the balcony.
Remember that?
Why am I remembering this stuff when I can't remember
where I put this or that or my pencil or my money?

Next week, they are heading to Bali.

CAN'T WAIT!

Okay, there were FIVE HOURS OF FOOTAGE.  Leave a comment -- what are your thoughts?  Who's your favorite?  Why do you think Jade went home?  Are you glad Britt and Carly are gone?  What's another function for Carly's hair?

2/16/15

Talk About It Monday

Oh, you people, you virtual friends of mine, I have a confession.

After learning that The Bachelor was on for three hours (THREE HOURS!), I took the first hour off.  I had to.  For my own sanity.  Sunday was a bit of a hard day and I just needed an hour to myself.

So I poured a glass of wine and watched the first hour without my laptop.  Or a pencil.  Or my memory.

And I just watched.  

And the only thing I have to report to you is that Kelsey is still a whackadoodle, so is Onion Girl, and someone needed to get Andi Dorfman a kleenex.  The poor thing.  She kept wiping her nose with her fingers and then she would push back her hair with the same fingers.  I couldn't get over it.  CHRIS HARRISON, GET HER A KLEENEX, I kept yelling.  But no one listened to me.

Hour two started off with the Rose Ceremony that didn't happen last week.  I didn't even realize that we didn't have a Rose Ceremony last week, what with all the Two On One Bed in the Badlands Ashley Crying and Sobbing and Kelsey Acting Like an I Know What You Did Last Summer Creepy Creeper.

Megan (the girl that thinks New Mexico has a beach and everyone wears sombreros) pulled Chris aside and asked him if their relationship was going anywhere . . . she didn't feel it was progressing and Chris was honest and said no, you're right, maybe you are smarter than you make yourself out to be, it's time for you to go.  She cried and he seemed choked up, and he said how much he liked her, and how hard this was getting.  The girls thought there might not even be a Rose Ceremony since Megan left . . . but nope.  Harrison tapped on his wine glass (with a knife? a fork?  what does he use?) and informed everyone there would, in fact, be a rose ceremony.

The girls were all aflutter.

And so was Chris.

So guess what?

There was no Rose Ceremony and Chris informed them that they were all going to Iowa so Carly jumped up and ran straight into his arms as if he had said they were going to Italy.  Or France.  Or to the Cheesecake Factory.

Jade got the first one-on-one.  She went to Arlington, Chris' hometown.  On the ride out there, Jade noticed the corn, the dirt roads, and the wild grass.  It is literally in the middle of nowhere.  Instead of being named Arlington, it should be name In The Middle Of Nowhere With No People.  Chris really needs to take every girl there . . . because these girls need to know if they can live there.  

I would think I could live there because I enjoy a kind of quiet life, but I would need clarification that the Wi/Fi connection was good and solid.  And that I could bring people with me.

Back at the hotel, Britt started to fall apart because Whitney learned that she got the next one on one.  Britt really wanted to see Chris' hometown - she felt she needed that information and it wasn't fair that Jade had a leg up on her.  The whole thing was so distressing to Britt that she had to wear the hood of her hoodie on her head in order to hold herself together.  Even though she was inside.  And it wasn't raining.  And she wasn't on a skateboard.  And she wasn't a young boy.

Meanwhile, Jade was shocked at how small the town actually is.  There are no restaurants, no coffee shops, no movie theaters, no nothing.  Jade described it as a ghost town and I'm going to tell you right now it looked like one.  I was waiting for two cowboys to come out onto the street and have a duel.  Or for a director to yell, CUT!  

But then Chris took Jade to a high school football game and there were people there.  Actual real live people that she could interact with.  And then Chris introduced her to his parents (because the whole community comes out to cheer for the team whether or not you have a kid on the football team or in the school or whatever) so she seriously was getting a leg up on the other girls.  It was like she was on a hometown date before the hometown dates.

Exactly like that.

Jade and Chris went through his high school and had some deep conversation.  Jade kept hinting that she was a bad girl, that she had made some mistakes . . . which, by the way, if you didn't know, she posed for Playboy.  I know!  I KNOW!  I thought she was a Disney Princess!

The next day, Whitney and Chris went to an art gallery in Des Moines and then took a camera to document their love story in the city. It was cute and sweet.  I liked Whitney's booties. 

In the hotel, Jade told the girls about Arlington and meeting Chris' parents.  And Britt started crying.  CRYING.  Because she didn't get to experience it.  The girls all decided to take a road trip to Arlington so that they could see for themselves what it would be like.  Britt wasn't on board, but the next we knew, she was in the car, yelling and screaming Arlington! so she obviously changed her mind.

They made it to Arlington and were also shocked at how small it was.  It took three hours to get there and then only about two minutes to go through the town.  Everything was closed, including the library and the market, and the Methodist church.  But they met the pastor and Carly had "a moment" when she saw the picture of Jesus in the church because it was the same one as in her grandparents' house.

In other words, Carly thought it was meant to be.  Or that Jesus was speaking to her.  I'm not really sure.  But whatever floats Carly's boat is fine with me.

Britt was a little freaked out about how small the town was and, according to Carly, Britt said that she could not see herself living there. But, back at the hotel, Britt told Jade that the sunset changed her mind.  

So we've got Jesus and sunsets and bachelorettes and I don't know what else.

Back on their date, Whitney got to meet three of Chris' best friends.  She loved them and they loved her.  Then we learned that Whitney's mother had died and that she never really had a father so she told Chris that when she is dating a man, she is also hoping he has great parents.  It was sweet and sad and adorable all at the same time.  And I kept thinking, well, this girl could move to Arlington.  She needs a family.  And her family won't make her feel guilty for leaving because she doesn't have one so there you go.  I think she needs to move there and get a family.

The next day, Jade confided in Carly about her nude modeling.  And Carly's eyes about popped out of her head with glee.  You posed for Playboy? Carly said.  You were naked? Carly said.

Then it was time for the Group Date.  Carly, Caitlin, and Britt went ice skating with Chris, and they played hockey.  Britt stole Chris for some one on one time (shocking) and told him that they took a rode trip to Arlington.  And (shocking) she told him how much she absolutely loved his town.

Even though she didn't.

At least not until the sunset told her she did.

Even though she was thinking one of two things (I think).

One) I can get him to move somewhere else.

Two) I could be the next bachelorette.

Then there was a lot of disgusting kissing.

In Carly's one on one time, she decided to tell Chris that she was protective of him and she proceeded to tell Chris that Britt hated Arlington.  And she said it was a warning.  A heartfelt warning, with tears held back, and a sob caught in her throat.  Chris was crushed.  

Later that evening, Chris asked Britt about the whole Arlington Reaction again . . . and Britt said she would try it and it was positive and that no matter where she was, she wanted to be a mom.  Which made Chris melt so he kissed her and forgot all about what Carly said . . . 

{PS Has anyone noticed how many crop tops Britt wears?  It's like she's Scheana from Vanderpump Rules.}

Caitlin had a big ole long talk with Chris about their relationship and her insecurities and blah blah blah.  So Chris gave Caitlin the group date rose so she wouldn't feel nervous about upcoming hometown dates.  Caitlyn said she felt all soft and crumbling.  She made me want a cookie.

The fact that Caitlyn got the rose and Britt didn't . . . well, it killed Britt.  Britt did a lot of head bobbing and lip licking and a little staring contest with Chris in a who do you think you are, you are a little man, and I am your girlfriend, and you are cheating on me, and you suck . . . and, as Chris started to explain, Britt told Chris to stop.  Stop, she said.  Like she was in charge and they were the only two people in the room.  

Chris didn't.  He kept talking.  Then Carly said that she just loved Caitlin and that she was happy for her that she received the rose  . . . and Britt said she got that, she loved Caitlin, too, and she wasn't really mad, but . . . 

SHE HAD JUST SPENT ALL THAT TIME EARLIER TELLING CHRIS THAT SHE HAD VISITED HIS TOWN AND WAS READY TO MOVE THERE SO WHY DIDN'T SHE GET THE ROSE?

It was really hard for her!  She wants her husband to see her as first.  Not second or third or down the line.  

All of this was said out loud.  In front of Chris.  She acted like a big ole spoiled baby and Chris saw it all.

Does Britt not understand ALL the girls feel the same way?  But you have to play the game?  Does Britt not understand that this is a dating show?

So then Chris got confused . . . and said something like if you don't want to be here . . . which Britt got all riled up about . . . but Chris said I don't get the position that you're trying to put me in and out of respect for Carly and Caitlin, we can't talk about this.  And this is just another chapter in the journey and I will see you tomorrow.

Carly was thrilled.  Even if she was getting sent home, she felt like she had done the right thing.

Britt felt bad.  She cried.  She was a mess!

And then the show ended.

Again, we ended the show without a rose ceremony.  This appears to be the new thing this season.

It's on again tonight, though, so I'll be back tomorrow.

Please leave your thoughts in the comments!