Oh my word.

YOU GUYS.

I feel so out of sorts with my life right now that I can’t even remember the last time that I blogged. And I LOVE blogging!

I have been a little more active on Instagram so maybe you’re catching up with me on there . . . so some of what I’m about to say may be redundant.

BUT HOLY COW WHAT IS THIS LIFE THAT WE ARE LIVING?

I start school WITH CHILDREN two weeks from now. And I don’t even know if I am teaching first grade.

I think I am. I hope I am. I am praying that I am.

I hope to know by tomorrow or Tuesday, but we don’t even have our staffing assignments yet!!!!!!

This is NOT normal. We usually know what we’re going to teach before the end of the current school year. But with the Pandemic – and the unprecedented times and Covid and Quarantine and any other buzz word that you would like to say that makes me want to poke my eyeballs out -with all of that happening, we are in the GREAT WIDE UNKNOWN.

My school district offered a Virtual program to families who do not feel it is safe for their children to return to school. Which, by the way, our county and our governor have also determined that it is not safe to return so NONE OF US ARE RETURNING – we are all going to be learning from home.

I feel like I should say it again. We are all going to be learning from home. At least for the time being because we can’t even consider in-person school until our county is off the watch-list for FOURTEEN CONSECUTIVE DAYS.

Meanwhile, rather than tell our families NEVER MIND, WE ARE ALL JUST GOING TO BE LEARNING FROM HOME, our district kept the virtual option on the table and now our lives have turned upside down because a third of our district chose the virtual program.

So either a child is in the Virtual Program or a child is in the Traditional School Setting, but since it’s not safe at the moment, the Traditional School Setting will be done from home remotely.

Here’s the difference: The Virtual Program is more individual.

Whereas the Traditional School Setting will have a teacher from the child’s school, the teacher will have a Google Classroom and design lessons, the teacher will hold daily class Zoom Meetings, the teacher will TEACH, etc. I want to be THE TEACHER DESIGNING LESSONS and TEACHING.

I hope I’ve made sense and that you get it. I don’t know if it makes sense AT ALL because a ton of our families are confused and so are a ton of the teachers.

Because it is just plain crappy and there is absolutely no other way to put it.

What this means for my school is that WE HAVE TO LOSE TEN TEACHERS.

TEN!

TEN TEACHERS!!!!

They will either be assigned to the virtual program or take the place of a teacher who applied for the virtual program.

It makes me sick.

Like I want to cry and scream and crawl under the covers and then shout from the rooftops THAT THIS IS NOT FAIR and HOW IS THIS WHAT’S BEST FOR THE KIDS and on and on.

BIG SIGH.

Our virtual program is something that our district purchased. It has learning modules and the virtual teacher is there to help if the student gets stuck. That’s about all I know. In other words, QUALIFIED teachers are being taken out of the classroom to essentially monitor and grade student work.

I think I am safe in first grade. I think. I haven’t seen it in writing yet, though, so I am waiting to see my name next to First Grade on the staffing assignment list, and then I feel like I will be able to breathe easier.

And by breathe easier, I obviously mean through a paper bag as I hyperventilate and get Google Classroom Ready in NOT ENOUGH TIME and what feels like THE VERY LAST MINUTE POSSIBLE for my Type A Obsessive Compulsive Self Who Can’t Handle Spontaneity Even If It’s Steve Surprising Me With A Trip.

Or a Marriage Proposal.

Seriously. He shocked me so bad with his marriage proposal almost 23 years ago (!!!!) that I didn’t say yes right away and he had to ask the question a few more times because I was dumbfounded.

I need TIME, people.

And, just to be clear, we had been dating for almost six years, I wanted a proposal, I wanted the ring, I wanted to marry him, I knew it would happen, I just wasn’t privy to the fact that he was planning on doing it in an airport after I got off a plane from visiting Kerry.

It’s really not my fault when you think about it.

You just have to bend your head sideways a bit and squint your eyes and then you’ll see my side of the equation. Really.

And so that’s where I am.

That’s where we are.

Oh.

And did you know it’s summer?

Because it sure doesn’t feel like it!!

(insert stomping of feet and pouting here)

You guys.

How are you? Because what I’m learning the most from all of this is two things.

Number One: God knows exactly what is going to happen and I do not have to do this by myself. Every time I start to panic or freak out, I turn right to prayer. I can find rest and peace in His word, His faithfulness, and His goodness.

Number Two: I am not alone and teachers everywhere are feeling the pressure. We are truly in this together. REALLY.

Hang in there. Focus on something that makes you happy! Find the good. When I focus on something small, such as baking banana bread, and then eating the banana bread, I can breathe just a little bit easier.

I can’t control so much of what is happening right now, especially in my school life, so I am trying really hard to focus on what I can control. And obviously I can control HOW I REACT TO THINGS so I’m also working on that, as well.

That’s hard, by the way.

Just so you know.

Baking banana bread is a lot easier than focusing on my rotten attitude, let me tell you, but I sure am trying!

😜

I’m also praying for all of us.

So hang in there and know that you are not alone.

❤️