I went to school today.
I spent about five hours there and did about one hour’s worth of work. And that work consisted of throwing things away, moving things around, putting them back again, scratching my head, and whining a little.
The rest of the time I talked. I talked to my teammates. And I most likely bothered them.
I have a problem.
Then I went to the Instructional Resource Center and got about one million and two feet of butcher paper because I tore my entire room down just for fun.
And please do not mention fabric. Or flameless-fadeless-end all-be all-paper.
I have a system.
The only problem is that this year my system involved starting all over and getting lime green instead of regular green and teal instead of regular blue.
I almost forgot that we were having a TWO NIGHT SPECIAL EVENT for the Bachelorette.
I was slightly bored except for some man drama and the fact that I have a bit of a crush on one of the bachelors and even giggle and blush when he has air time.
Anywho . . . here is what happened on last night’s episode, but I am warning you now that it is nothing exciting. Or funny. I had nothing to work with.
People, I need stuff to work with or I can’t write.
Andi took off for Santa Barbara and then the boys met her up there whenever it was time for their date.
I’ve noticed that when the boys read the date card they say “Heart, Andi” rather than “Love, Andi”. Surely these boys know that a heart is a symbol for love, right? Right? It is, right? Otherwise, I need to edit all of the cards and notes I’ve written to just about anyone over the last . . . sixteen . . . nineteen . . . well, for however long I’ve been writing cards and notes.
The first one-on-one date was with Nick, the guy she gave the first impression rose to. They went bike riding along the beach and Andi wore extremely short shorts. Like Daisy Dukes. Like my butt would have been hanging out the back and sides and jiggling. I would have needed the robot costume.
Nick was sort of a skeptic . . . and he kind of has a teeny tiny speech impediment. I don’t know what it is . . . but occasionally I thought he might be saying lots of “sh’s” when he should only be saying “s”. For example, “You are sho shweet.” It’s actually kind of endearing. Thort of.
They went hiking (Andi remained in her short shorts) and then had a private dinner at a court house. Or on the court of the court house. Or right outside the steps. Or on the steps. I don’t know. They were not at a restaurant, I do know that.
Andi gave Nick the rose. Not a lot happened on their date. They talked a lot. They were pretty serious. They kissed.
I was bored.
Next up was the Group Date.
They went to the Music Academy of the West or some such place. She led them to believe they would be singing classical music but, in fact, they were going to be singing with Boyz to Men.
The boys were super excited. Most of them had a memory of being with a girl in seventh or eighth grade and listening to Boyz to Men. We will not talk about the fact that when I was in seventh or eighth grade, I was listening to Chicago and Air Supply.
So the guys had to sing. It was hilarious. Not as great as Cameron Diaz on My Best Friend’s Wedding, but still funny to watch.
Of course nothing is ever as it seems so Andi and the guys had to sing live at a concert and not just for one another. I don’t know why the boys were surprised, but they were.
Bradley, the opera singer, thought he had this in the bag. Unfortunately, no one told him that opera singing and popular-been-on-the-radio-had-concerts-sold-millions-of-records are two different kinds of things.
Half the boys had to dress in suits and the other half had to dress in sweaters and baseball caps. I would like to confess to you that I am a sucker for a boy in a backwards baseball cap.
It gets me every time. My hubby was a catcher his whole life long and to this day, if he wears his baseball cap backwards, I fall in love all over again. Seriously. I am a sucker for a boy/grown man acting like a boy in a backwards baseball cap.
But these boys in these caps? Something went wrong. I think the bill of the cap was too long. Or quirky. Or something. Something went amiss. But I can’t put my finger on it.
Anyways, the crowd was sweet and nice and they were into it . . . except for a little girl on her dad’s shoulders who covered her ears. All of the boys were great sports and really got into it. They seriously had fun and that’s really all that mattered.
Later they went to have a little cocktail party. She stole Cody (bodybuilder) first and then pranked him by saying the guys had been saying he had a girlfriend.
Too funny. That’s something that I would do. I enjoy a good prank.
She met with Marcus (sports medicine) and he told her he wanted to kiss her so they did. Then he immediately thought he was going to get the group date rose because what they had was “special”.
Then came Josh, the pro baseball play-ah. Uh huh. He told her he wanted to see her every day and kiss her every day and they they kissed a lot. They are very playful and flirty and they definitely have chemistry. He is not afraid to tell her that he likes her. Or wear a scarf that looks . . . tied wrong or something.
Josh got the group date rose . . . and he was super happy. But Marcus – notsomuch. He believes that whatever connection Andi has with Josh is nowhere near the connection that he was with her.
Oh, Marcus. You poor little thing.
The next date was a one-on-one with JJ, the Pantspreneur. Don’t even get me started.
Their date was Growing Old Together. As in hair, Hollywood makeup, clothing, etc. No details were left undone. It was pretty cool. When they finally saw each other, they died laughing. Although, Andi did not look old. Not really. They pretty much added a wrinkle here or there and made her look like . . . well, me and anyone else my age.
Yes, I was offended.
They walked around and asked people to take their pictures . . . and then they started doing cartwheels and playing football and riding scooters — it was so so so funny because people didn’t get it.
Later, they turned back time and became their young selves again and had dinner. JJ told her that he was a big ole dork when he was a kid and he was picked on, too. 🙁
They had a great conversation and Andi gave him the rose. Which relieved me because I was a little worried that she might not just because he is different. And he kisses differently, too. Just saying. I see them more as friends. But hey, that’s just me. What do you guys think?
Back at the house, one of Ron’s close friends passed away and he had to leave. 🙁
On her one-on-one time with Eric (love him), flowers were delivered to Andi. They were not from Eric. They were from Nick.
Andi loved them. Big points for Nick from Andi.
Then there was MAN DRAMA. Or BRO DRAMA. We can call it BRAMA.
Apparently, Andrew (who I don’t seem to know a lot about but he is from Culver City, CA) got a hostess’ phone number when they were on a group date and then he bragged about it. BRAGGED ABOUT IT.
Ruh Roh. Josh did not like it. Neither did JJ. Josh said he is protective of the people that he likes. Good for Josh. ME TOO. But I usually let other people fight my battles while I hide in the background or behind a chair or around the corner.
But JJ and Josh confronted Andrew. And Andrew said he was not going to engage in this and he ran away. JJ and Josh followed him but he slammed the door in their faces. Slammed the door, I said.
I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. Because then the guys had to tell all of the other guys and we heard “He’s not here for the right reasons” over and over. Also, “MAN UP”. Someone needs to make a little video for YouTube where they keep saying this and it’s set to music. I would watch it over and over again.
Andrew tried to defend himself, but the other guys reminded him that he bragged about it in the van and then again in their room and then again on a train and in the rain and near a wall and down the hall . . . He did not remember. Plus he thought they were all in this together . . . I am thinking he meant the old adage, Bros stick together or Bros before Hoes.
Yes, I wrote it.
Um, Andrew, you’re all in it together by dating the same girl. But not for other things. So Andrew realized they’re not all in it together and it’s a big competition now.
She passed out all of the roses. The last one she gave was to Andrew. The other guys were not happy. I thought Josh’s head was going to explode- his face turned really red.
I don’t know if you can tell, but my crush is on Josh. Don’t ask me why. I shouldn’t. I’m afraid he might break
my her heart.
She said goodbye to:
Brett (a hairstylist) that we didn’t know at all
Bradley (opera singer) – he was upset, he had to fight back choking sobs 🙁
And there you have it.
Mull it over Monday.
Comment with your thoughts, please! 🙂