Well, I was extremely productive yesterday. After sleeping in, grabbing coffee with the hubby and taking Murphie to the park, I decided to tackle the guest bedroom closet. That’s because my mother-in-law is coming for a quick visit this weekend and I am afraid she might feel the need to snoop in the closet.
Not that I have ever done that when I’ve been the guest in someone’s house.
Never.
Nope.
Uh uh.
Not me.
So I cleaned out one whole closet, an armoire, and one bathroom drawer. I had another bathroom drawer to sort through but, by that time, it was late and I was exhausted and I had not watched one minute of daytime television. Not one minute!
I made up for it with the Real Housewives and The Bachelor.
And maybe a rerun of The Little Couple or My Five Wives. I’m not saying.
Today I went to a spa with some good girlfriends of mine. We basically floated in a pool, talked, ate, drank a cocktail or two, and talked some more. And then talked a little more after that. And then some more after that.
It was my kind of day, I can tell you that.
Anywho . . .
So Andi and the boys went to France.
Poor things. I bet they were exhausted.
Chris Harrison caught up with Andi at some little cafe somewhere and asked her if she was falling in love. Andi answered with her signature saying: STAAAAAHHHHHPPPPP IT.
You stop it, Andi.
She’s in love with a couple of different men. Apparently, according to Harrison, that’s what happens on the Bachelor franchise.
That’s also how Jason Mesnick changed his mind after picking Melissa that one time. And how practically every other bachelor and bachelorette changed their minds and now almost every single couple is no longer together. Just saying. At the end of the day. Okay, I’ll STAAAAAHHHHHPPPP.
The first one on one date was with Josh, my crush. The former pro baseball player. The Currently Question Mark. Because we aren’t told what he does currently.
They got on a boat and got right to kissing. But Andi was worried that their connection was mostly physical. And then they had a picnic.
Later they went to dinner at a palace. And Andi was hoping to have a deep conversation. And then they did.
Andi was cheated on by an athlete so she is cautious about Josh which makes him sad because he says he’s not like that. He says he wasn’t raised that way . . . Well, that’s good.
And thank goodness I’m out of the dating game because I had no clue that guys were raised that way. {Insert emoticon with big wide blinking eyes here.}
Okay, so I know I’m crushing, but I really liked the way he looked her in the eyes when he spoke, and he leaned into her, and he wasn’t afraid to open up and talk about his past relationships.
Andi really liked it too, so she gave him the rose.
YAY!
Guess what?
They were given a private concert. Because that has not been overdone in the least and obligatory dancing is always nice to see, right? It is never awkward.
Back at the house . . . Marquel learned that Andrew may have called him by a racial term. It was heresy, but he did find out about it because two of the guys told him. I won’t repeat it, but Marquel was very upset. I felt horrible for him. He got a little choked up because he felt that rather than be seen as a man, or a person, or someone who has great values and is respectful, he is, instead, seen as a color first. It was really sad. Marquel wasn’t sure whether to confront Andrew or not so he was going to think about it.
Then he had to go on a group date with Andrew and seven other guys.
They had to learn how to mime. Of course, they had to go out and do it in front of the crowds on the streets. The crowds weren’t into it at all. AT ALL.
Most of the guys made the best of it. Marquel was very good, JJ reenacted their first date, Cody was bouncing around on the ground, Dylan danced with her, etc.
But Nick? No. He was not happy. He didn’t want to be okay with a group date. It was not okay and he was not going to act like it was. Andi called him Salty Sulky Sour Nick. Or some such name. Not to his face — she said it in an interview. Ha!
Afterwards, they went to have a mini-cocktail party and JJ wasted no time in pulling her away. He took her to the ferris wheel . . . and got perfect one-on-one time with her. They kissed.
Meanwhile, the boys were sitting around and talking trash on Nick. To Nick’s face. Nick is a little too big for his britches and the guys weren’t having it.
When Andi came back from the Ferris Wheel, she could feel the tension. So Chris the Farmer kind of let her know a little bit about it, but not a lot. And then Cody let her know a little more . . .
And then it was Nick’s turn. And then Andi said, “You’re salty.”
HAHAHA! I think it’s safe to say Nick is going buh-bye. Maybe not tonight, but later.
And now I’m going to tell my kids to STAAAAAHHHHPPPP being SALTY, already. Salty is my new favorite verb/adjective/emotion.
Nick admitted everything and took responsibility, but Andi was afraid she might be being manipulated by him, too. He read her a note that he wrote and then she asked him for a kiss.
Oh, Andi. Shake head. {Insert Emoticon with disappointed you’ve got to be kidding me eyes here}
During her one-on-one time with Marcus, he told her he was falling in love with her.
Oh, Marcus. Gag me.
Marquel confronted Andrew about the racial term and Andrew laughed. He said it was absurd and that he has never said anything like it in his entire life. Marquel accepted what he said and wanted to move on. The other guys really respected the way Marquel handled it.
When Andrew had his one-on-one time with Andi, he basically threw in the towel. He pretty much said he couldn’t form a connection with Andi when all of the drama was going on around him.
Huh. Well, that’s one way to do it.
Andi gave JJ the rose. I still think JJ and Andi are better off as friends.
Nick, again, was salty.
Next up was Andi’s one-on-one date with Brian the Coach. They got to go see a movie in a cute little theater. The movie: The One Hundred Foot Journey.
I have this memorized now because Andi said the word movie about fifteen thousand times.
And then Andi pretty much did a commercial for the movie which was really annoying. Seriously. It was a commercial for the movie embedded into The Bachelor.
ABC, you’re not fooling me. The reason I record The Bachelor in the first place is so that I can fast forward through the commercials, thankyouverymuch.
Next, they went shopping for food to cook. And they ate sea urchins. SICK.
They took their groceries back to an apartment (it might have been Andi’s, but I wasn’t listening at that point because I was annoyed) and everything fell apart.
Brian doesn’t cook. And he was intimidated. And whereas Andi wanted it to be like the movie (said for the fifteen-thousand-fourth-time) and be romantic, it wasn’t. It was awkward. And it was work. And while she was prepping the food and imagining Brian coming up behind her to steal kisses, Brian was freaking out and Andi was just . . . chopping.
Then they sat down to eat their food and it was gross. So they left the apartment and went out to eat.
Brian was regretting that he allowed the cooking to freak him out so much that he couldn’t open up to Andi. So he tried extra hard to make up for it at the restaurant. He explained that he is a coach so he is always strategizing.
Well. Hmmm. I think I understand a lot of my friends’ husbands better now. And I think I’m happy that I’m not married to a coach.
Whatever. It all worked out because Andi gave Brian the rose. He said going forward, he will take every opportunity to kiss her and surprise her and seize the moment.
AND THEN HE DID. Ooh la la. Someone get me a fan.
I might re-think the coach thing and see if my hubby can volunteer somewhere . . .
Andi decided she did not want a cocktail party and that she wanted to make a big cut. She wanted to cut three guys and did not need any one-on-one time with any of them.
Chris Harrison warned her that the boys would be upset. But Andi was ready for it.
And here are the boys she cut (all while having an extremely pouty face):
Because I’m not.
But I wish I was.
๐
Do you think Marquel might be the next Bachelor?? I kind of got that feeling during his exit interview!
I'm going to be really upset if she doesn't pick Josh M. at the end. I have a crush on him too.
Alison
Rockin' and Lovin' Learnin'
Oooh I love Venice too! I went there 4 years ago, it was beautiful! Don't get me started on the gelato ๐
You are just too funny. Stahhhhp already! Heresy is definitely serious, but I think you got autocorrected in an unintentionally funny way. I'm not a fan of Marcus either, but Josh? Yum! ๐
Josh works doing something with finances in Atlanta. I googled it because I thought it was dumb they kept saying former major league baseball player.