I have had a FULL DAY of back to school shopping, including eating at Olive Garden, and stopping by the district office to laminate stuff, as well. People, I am tired. But I crossed a bunch of stuff off my list so it feels good.
I totally forgot that last night’s episode of The Bachelorette was going to be the Guys Tell All. It was not what I expected, but I have to say it was a welcome change.
It started out with Bachelorette Viewing Parties, aka Bachelor Nation Get Togethers. Desiree and Chris Harrison toured the country and crashed all sorts of parties. I can’t believe how many people would be watching the episodes together in one place — I don’t think I could handle that because I would be afraid other people might yell at the TV and that my comments might not be heard. Shudder.
We also had the pleasure of seeing J.D. and Ashley, The Mesnicks with their new baby, and Trista. It was like a walk down memory lane. Tra la la la.
Desiree sat down with Ashley, Emily, and Ali and they gave her advice on how to confront the “bad boys” of the season. I need to sit down with those girls and have them help me confront all my boyfriends because, as I’ve said before, I’m still dating most of them because I couldn’t break up with them.
Chris opened the show by reliving the drama of the whole season. Let’s recap quickly.
1. Fantasy Suite Guy – bleck.
2. Brian – Secret Girlfriend/Bad Actress from home.
3. Ben – IDIOT.
Ben sat in the hot seat first. He had a huuuuuge chip on his shoulder. He didn’t exactly apologize or regret much — and the guys still don’t like him. Apparently, his son’s mother approached one of the guys that I don’t even remember (who was that guy?) and told him a whole bunch of stuff, including that Ben didn’t even have custody of his son. It was heated. It was awkward. And it was super uncomfortable.
James was up next. Remember, he’s the guy that thought he would be the next bachelor. Wellllll, he tried to say that it was all Mikey’s doing and he kept repeating this phrase, “That’s what REAL MEN do.” Hmmm. James is actually a child so I didn’t understand his point.
The cameras showed the audience while Chris interviewed James. The looks on the women’s faces cracked me up!! They were all bug-eyed and disgusted and in disbelief. Seriously, one of my favorite parts of the Guys Tell All were the cameras panning the audience. It should have its own show: Audience Filled with Women Make Faces. I think it could be a huge hit.
Mikey tried to explain his side. In order to do so, he needed to stand up and talk very loudly and shake his finger. I was not intimidated, Mikey. I mean, your name is Mikey. Therefore, I will never be intimidated.
Here’s some news for you, boys. Looky here. Heads up. Listen closely.
Neither one of you will be the next bachelor.
But Kacey might! Gee Whiz. Kacey went to town! He said what he needed to say and he stood up (while sitting down) to those big She-cago guys. And then adorable Juan Pablo told James he couldn’t date his daughter or his sister. Haha!
So then it was Juan Pablo’s turn in the hot seat because he is a FAN FAVORITE. FINALLY. ABC heard me!!
I don’t know if it was his accent, or how charming he was, or that he loves his daughter, or what . . . but he was just doing it for me, people. I mean, even the GUYS liked him!
I nominate Juan Pablo to be the next bachelor!! Who’s with me?
Zak was up next. Funny Zak. Happy Zak. Sweet Zak. Oh, Zak. Sometimes he forgets to wear a shirt, poor guy.
He’s just sweet and sad. I think girls will flock to him now. Don’t you?
Then Desiree finally came out. She got onto Ben for a little bit, but didn’t really come down too hard on him. She needs RTI on confrontation. Her and I could be in the same group.
Chris then asked Desiree about James . . . and James tried to talk in circles again and said, “If I talk about other girls, IT’S OKAY.” Shut up, James. Seriously. Just pipe down. Then he tried to say it was a “Reality TV Show”. GASP! What?! How dare he?!
Next up, Zak sang a song to Des as a way to get closure.
🙁 SAD SAD SAD. But it was actually really pretty if you like country songs.
It ended with some funny bloopers – my favorite always. I love bloopers. Don’t you wish that sometimes you could see the bloopers that you’ve made?
For example, today, when I went to Michael’s, all I needed was clear cellophane treat bags. But then I remembered that I needed a dowel stick for this thingamajig-pointer-pen that I’m going to rig up on this doohickey that I bought from the teacher supply store. (That makes total sense, right?)
So I ran out to the car to grab the thingamajig-pointer-pen. And I had to dig around in a few bags to find it. So I set my purse down. And then I set the clear cellophane treat bags down.
And that’s when I remembered that I hadn’t paid for the clear cellophane treat bags.
And that I had walked out of the store with them.
That’s a pretty big blooper, if you ask me.
I ran/walked back into Michael’s expecting to see police officers and a TV news anchorwoman and a cameraman. I expected to be detained and questioned.
But nothing happened. Apparently I live in a city in which clear cellophane treat bags are free.
So I found the right size dowel, some ribbon, some baskets, some of this and some of that, (because all I needed were bags, ya know) and then I paid for all of it, including the treat bags. Because I am honest. And true. And it was just a blooper. That’s all. But I’m sure it would be hilarious for a TV viewing audience to see. I can just picture the look on my own face when I realized what I’d done.
Anywho, Chris Harrison said he really really really means it when he says it’s the most dramatic season finale EVER. It’s so dramatic that they had to split it up into two parts. Whoa.
After they showed the previews, we could have had episode two of the Audience Filled with Women Make Faces.
Now we wait.
It better be good. That’s all I’m saying! Or I’m going to learn to confront someone in real life . . . just you wait.