Teachers.
TEACHERS EVERYWHERE.
It is March.
For me, that means we are officially in the third trimester and have three months left of the school year to go.
There are two ways to look at this.
Three WHOLE months?!?
Or . . .
Only THREE months!?!
Depending on the day (or the week), I go back and forth on which way I look at it.
All I know is that this has been a challenging school year, and when I look back at how it all started (delayed school start because of the Holy Jim Fire), it feels like it has lasted a hundred years. But it also feels strange to think that it will all end in just three months.
I know most of the time, if you come to read my blog, I might make you laugh or tell a funny story or just fill you in on what I’ve eaten that week.
Today’s is more of a REALITY post. You know, a good ole soul searching post. Basically, I need an attitude adjustment.
Because lately, I have not been having a very good attitude about school and my life as a teacher. In fact, I went to a Cal STRS meeting in January to see when exactly I can retire, and when they told me not for a LONG LONG LONG time, and FAR FAR FAR into the future because I started teaching way too young . . . well, I felt like curling up into a ball in a dark room and not coming out except to eat snacks and maybe look for a glass of wine, but, instead, I just ate an entire plate of pasta and had a bowl of lobster bisque soup. Steve and my parents were there, too, which held the dark room at bay.
Need another example of my poor attitude? For the first time ever in my entire career, I did not want to go back to school after Winter Break. I always want to go back. Always. I get the itch, I miss my kids, I am always ready to go back.
Not this year.
Because. Well.
I have a tough class this year. There. I said it.
PHEW.
Oh my. That’s hard for me to admit because I’m always of the mind that it’s the teacher that makes the class and not the kids, but hello? Who the heck did I think I was acting all high and mighty and holier than thou. As if that other teacher who was complaining about her tough class was just not good with classroom management, or needed to take a chill pill, or maybe they had just given up.
I mean, WHO DO I THINK I AM?
Please serve me another piece of that humble pie, please. I need a BIG slice, thank you very much.
Let me clarify what I mean by I have a tough class this year.
I have terrific kids. I really do. And they’re kids! They’re funny and they try hard and they laugh hard, and they push and they shove, and they don’t follow directions the first time or the second time, and most often, not even the third time, but they’re kids! They’re small and they write me love notes, and they hug me, and they hug each other, and they ooh and ahh when they see a plane in the sky when we’re walking to the computer lab, and they collect acorns and twigs and grass, and they spill water, and they break pencils, and crayons, and headphones (that was this week), but they’re kids!
I AM UNDERSTANDING OF THE FACT THAT THEY’RE KIDS.
However.
This particular class has a group dynamic that is just tough. It just is. There is no other way around it. I have seven kids on IEPs and three kids in the SST process and I ONLY HAVE 24 KIDS.
Do the math.
This means that I am always going to an IEP meeting or an SST meeting. And for whatever reason, even though we always have a floating sub on IEP and SST days, my meetings are almost always the first one at 8am which is before school, which is actually before our contract time, which irks me beyond belief because I know the one speech teacher, or the other speech teacher, or the resource teacher knows that I am a good sport, and that’s how that happens.
And it’s fine! IT’S FINE. It’s just a lot.
By the way, I do not even understand how a class of 24 kids can be louder and chattier and noisier than a class of 32 students BUT THIS CLASS IS CRAZY LOUD AND NEVER STOPS TALKING.
I’m not kidding.
There is a hum and a buzz ALL THE DAY LONG IN MY CLASSROOM.
Sometimes, I enjoy it.
Other times, I want to pull all of my hair out, and rock back and forth in that dark room I keep thinking about.
Someone cries every day. No matter what.
THERE IS CRYING EVERY DAY. And it’s not just me.
So.
Like I said, if you can’t tell, I need an attitude adjustment.
As many of you might remember, a group of teachers at my school started a life group and we meet before school on Thursdays. Last year, we each took a week to tell our testimonies, and this year we are all studying one of the parables and “teaching” it to the group.
My turn was last week and my parable was The Ten Talents.
In a nutshell, God gives us all talents. In the parable, the talents were money. A master gave three servants money to hold onto before he went on a trip.
One servant was given 5 talents and he invested it. The master was so happy upon his return because the servant made 5 more talents!
The second servant was given 2 talents and he invested it, too. The master was so happy upon his return because the servant made 2 more talents!
The third servant was given 1 talent and he buried it to “keep it safe”. The master was NOT happy because the servant did nothing with his talent.
There is more to the story, but I’m just going to stop there. You can read more about it {HERE} and {HERE}.
In real life, it’s actual TALENTS, such as being athletic or musically inclined, etc. And it’s also money. It’s anything the Lord gives us. And here’s the deal.
I was reading and studying and getting ready to present this to my group, and it was like HOLY COW, I AM TOTALLY BURYING MY TALENTS RIGHT NOW.
I’ve been so focused on just getting through this year, literally feeling like I’m just going through the motions, when I should be INVESTING all I have into what the Lord has given me.
And He has given me SO MUCH. I have been gifted with a wonderful school, an amazing team, the same grade for 22 years . . . I mean WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE YEAR?
Like I said, WHO DO I THINK I AM?
And I know I’m human. I know. I can have bad days.
But I’ve basically just been a big ole complainer. Really. I have.
And I decided last week when I prepared for this lesson TO GET OVER MYSELF. To take what the Lord has given me and use it for His glory.
And He has given me the TALENT TO TEACH. TO TEACH FIRST GRADE. TO TEACH LITTLE KIDS.
AND GUESS WHAT?
Pastor Rick of Saddleback Church always says “Change the way you think – it will change the way you act – it will change the way you feel.”.
AND IT’S TRUE.
I am changing the way I’ve been thinking. I ONLY HAVE THREE MONTHS LEFT WITH THESE KIDS! GAH! That is going to go by so fast and I do not want to waste another minute complaining about the dynamic of my group.
I do not want to waste another minute on things I can’t change like IEPs and SSTs. It’s my JOB!
I want to love on these kids. I want to make them laugh and smile and I want to meet their social/emotional needs above all else. Everything else, including reading, writing, and math is just a bonus.
And don’t get me wrong. Everyone in my life group was pretty much dumbfounded that I’ve been feeling this way. I can put on a brave face like nobody’s business. I don’t go around like Eeyore and woe is me. It’s just not my nature.
And I am pretty sure this class thinks I’m the most hilarious teacher they’ve ever had. 🤪 They have no clue I’ve been feeling a certain way. Brave face and all that.
It’s just that I KNOW. I know how I’ve been feeling and I’ve been hating how I’m feeling.
And . . . just for the record . . . this past week was a GAME CHANGER. Really. I was so much more at ease in the classroom, in my skin, in general. I was relaxed! I was not going through the motions. All because I kept praying and changing the way I am thinking!
In fact, I actually reached one of my little guys who I have been struggling with since August. Looking back, I could have probably had him in my pocket months ago, but I couldn’t get out of my own way.
And now I’ve got him right where I want him! He’s mine! He WANTS to be on Team Oldham! FINALLY!
Guess how I knew? I had started to read a chapter of Junie B. when the OT teacher came to get him. And he walked backward out of the room, and leaned in, and tried to listen to me with all of his strength, and then right before he reached the door, he asked will you read it again when I get back?
And I said, How about I stop now and we’ll finish the chapter when you get back?
The rest of my class whined and complained and I said I WOULD DO IT FOR ANY ONE OF YOU.
And they agreed and got over it.
And that’s when I knew. This kid is MINE! FINALLY!
So now.
These next three months are for the glory of God. I will not waste my talents!
I can do this!
WE CAN DO THIS!
We were born to do this!
And we only have three months to go!
LET’S DO IT!
All of this cheering is for my own self, obviously. I’m working hard on it. ☺️
Thank you for sharing. Your honesty is beautiful. I actually think that sometimes we forget that teaching is a talent. Thank you for the reminder!! Happy weekend!!💕🌸
LOVE this & Thank you!!
I understand how you feel. This year more than any in my 41 year career. I love my kids. It is the pressure from a new principal to change everything. My kids are doing great. I am old and opposed to too much screen time. With that being said I decided to retire. I had planned one more year but too much play has been pushed out. Too many scripted “interventions “. Too many tests. My heart is sad not only for the kids but the new young teachers.
I agree Jenny! It is a sad time for education…kids.
Amen!
I’m so happy that you’ve had this breakthrough! And good for you for keeping your feelings inside all school year so the children never realized how you felt. But they WILL know you’ve changed, and I think the rest of your year will be joyful! I look at my teaching as a spiritual pursuit, full of spiritual challenges and lessons. I agree, social emotional needs are primary. Academics are the least of my concerns! (I don’t share this with everyone though!) Anyway, good for you! Enjoy the rest of your year!
You have this! ❤️
Not sure if this might be true for anyone else, but February is when I want to quit work and get a job where I push a button all day. February is when I want to leave my classroom, my team, my grade and/or my school (and some days my family – but only for like a short trip to somewhere tropical). February is when all the things that have been tough all year feel extra tough. I am glad February is over.
This has been a hard year for me too and I think attitude has so much to do with it. Thank you for the “put on your big girl panties” and be positive. I do have so much to be thankful for. I will miss these kiddos, I looped with half my class.
Thank for your honesty!
Have an awesome week!
Dorrie
I needed to read this. I really need to change my thinking in order to change my actions. I’ve spent most of the year hating my job and looking for “the next best thing”. But I know my kids love me and need me. I love my co-workers and principal. I’m right where God wanted me to be ☺️
I loved everything you said. This is my 24th year teaching, and I am just plain exhausted. I have 26 first graders and I like all of them, but this year the class dynamic is the pits. I have chosen to pour myself into parent relationships and it has made a difference, but I too am counting the days. I love my job, but man, some days are better than others. My youngest is next door with my bestie and I am so grateful she has a really good and happy class. As discouraged as I feel sometimes, this year I have really put myself and my family first, and I am thankful for that. Thank you for sharing, you truly make my heart smile.
Oh, how I needed this. This is my 23rd year in 1st grade and absolutely my hardest yet for several reasons. I have been giving myself a major attitude check this weekend and know I am the only one who can change the atmosphere in my classroom. Please pray for me!
I literally have tears in my eyes. THANK YOU! I truly needed this!
Oh my, I feel the same way! Hard year! It started by all 15 kindergarten classrooms pulled out of the 5 elementary school and put in a modular school with5 days to unpack before school started. Then 3 months of outside construction work going on. Then a lack of strong administration, not to mention setting up all the ground rules for a new school. Then you can add 22 kids to the mix, many with academic, social, and behavioral challenges. Trying to ride out the year…..
Wow, thank you for sharing! This is my 23 year teaching 1st grade. I can honestly say, this is my most challenging year EVER. My class sounds similar to yours. I actually took a 6 week leave of absence to work on “ self-care”, recharge my batteries, whatever. Thanks again for giving us a peek inside of your game change!
What a great post! I feel the same way, 29 years in first grade and my students are so challenging! But everyday something amazing happens. Two weeks ago R was certain he couldn’t read and yesterday he volunteered to read aloud a sentence on a practice page! My other friend K is finally learning how to problem solve without yelling at me or kicking the garbage can. Oh, we’ve got a long way to go but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you for sharing! This post came at a perfect time.💕
I had that class for 2 years, with hopes that the next year would be better…it wasn’t. Admin was NOT supportive. Even when we made TREMENDOUS growth (95%+), that was NEVER enough. It wasn’t the kids, it was the Admin that made me leave. I retired early, I just could NOT do it anymore and be happy with myself. I am glad you found your way. So glad you have supportive Admin that won’t hold it against you. I was always blamed. They have had sub, a teacher who quit after a month, sub, another teacher that quit after 2 days, and a sub again. But here is who really suffers…the kids. 🙁
I’m so glad you posted this. It has been such a rough year for me too! I love my students and they come with such huge issues. I do feel blessed to be a teacher. I am excited to make the most of the last three months also.
Thank you – I have felt this too and it is reassuring that amazing teachers like you feel it also
Oh my. What a blessing this post is for me. We are in the same place. I have counted the number of weeks left in the school year 3 times in the last 2 weeks. And I have teetered between thinking “I have so much more to do with these students” and thinking “hallelujah the end is in sight!” Thanks for sharing and pushing me towards using and enjoying the gifts God has given me and loving the life I have with these kiddos. I appreciate the nudge.
Thanks for posting, and for being so real and vulnerable. Admin at my school is making this a difficult year, but I need to remember that I can control how I feel in my classroom with these kiddos. Good luck with your last 3 months! xo
Thanks for sharing! I have laughed, I have cried, first thing almost every morning when I get to school, I guess since the “thumb incident”! It seems we are experiencing the same here in Texas. I cannot think when I have had a more challenging class….and I am good with challenging kids! My principal knows that, and I love her.
But these kids do not stop talking, and seem to have not much respect for anyone or anything. I teach in K in an 80% disadvantaged school, and those kids are not the only problems! I have talked to S.S. as well. First year I have ever thought of retiring! My prayers are always with you and all of us who are in the classroom, where it matters most!
Thank you for posting! It’s just what I needed to read. I also have had a tough year. I kept wondering hiw I would be able to make it until I can retire. I definitely need to adjust my attitude and thoughts by using my talents. Thank you again!
Omg, this post was really put in front of me by Divine intervention. I’ve been teaching for 10 years and i’ve always struggled with classroom management but this year is really roughy. I feel that 4 months left is way too long. I’ve been talking about finding another path in teaching, I don’t want a classroom, maybe small group intervention teacher, I don’t know. But earlier today, I thought, “I need to restart, revamp my routines and rules. I can’t end the year like this. It’s not the kids fault but my own” and then, I found your post. Thank you for making me feel hat we are humans and that I’m not the only one struggling. I need to change my thinking and make the best of these 4 months left for my kids. Thanks!
I’m so glad you posted this. I wish you all the very best for your last trimester!
what’s interesting to me is how this is such a common feeling all around the country.. our education system is in a big big mess… not sure what the answer is to it but you are so right that i have control over how I can change the climate of my own class and that makes a world of difference! close the door and do what you know is right!
So much of what you wrote, I could have written. I too am having a difficult year. Between the students with horrific behaviors and administration I think of retiring early all the time.
This is JUST what I needed to hear! Thank you for sharing from your heart. I’m going through almost identical struggles and have been so down lately. I’m going to ask God for peace and a big attitude adjustment so that I can focus on using the gifts and talents he’s blessed me with.
☺️
I so needed this right now. Thanks for sharing!!
So inspirational! Girl, I am in the same place as you. I have never felt this way about a school year. I have many students who are struggling, talkative class, emotional kids, strong personalities…etc.
I am praying today for God to change my perspective, so I can make the most of the time I have with “my kids.”
Thanks for this post. Just what I needed to hear!
Thanks I needed this tool I have great kids and they are nice, but they talk all the time. I realized that they don’t even know they are talking. I decided to stop them every time they just started talking and they actually said they “What? we’re not talking?” I’m going to try the gold tags this week and see if that helps. I’ve been teaching for 41 years and the last few years have been a challenge. I really feel a lot of the issues we have are caused by asking our students to do and learn things they are not ready for. First grade has now become second grade.
Yes! This is my 38th year of teaching kindergarten and I truly believe a lot of behavior issues we are dealing with are the result of Kinders being expected to do work, for longer periods, that they aren’t developmentally ready for. My class is always quietly working away, very engaged, when doing hands in, exploration, craft type work -activities.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and honesty. This has been a tough year for me and I know it’s all in my court. Since August I have been counting down the days of the school year. I need to change my attitude and make the most of what is left with these precious first graders.
Thank you so much for this! I really needed to hear this as well. Sometimes you just have that challenging year. This year (year 15) is also my most challenging for reasons out of my control.
I am going to pull out my tricks and talents and use them for good these next 3 mos.
Thank you. There are a lot of us who are feeling this way and needing this pep talk. Thank you for saying it out loud. Prayers for you, for all.
Your rock! I enjoy your posts and the materials you create. You are genuine and real and AWESOME! Thank you for sharing your talents with us. I am grateful for you. XOXO
All of you make me proud of the title “Teacher.” Julie Cravens Lucas listed some of the teachers we taught with at Estock School. There is soooooooo much expected of teachers and soooooooo many challenges, especially in this day and age. I related to everything that has been written. We’ve all had challenging students and classes. Yet what remains strongest in my memory of my thirty-nine years of teaching is the caring teachers; the grateful parents; the joy when reaching a “difficult” child; being a part of students’ “Aha!” moments; and the almost daily gifts of the children’s insights and humor. For all of the above, I remain eternally grateful!! Karen Taylor-Bleiker
I think all teachers are going through this. I know I am but you are absolutely correct. If we use our treasures for his glory, we can do this.
Thank you so much for your honest post! I felt as if you were describing my Kindergartners this year! This was a great “kick in the pants!” We WILL have a wonderful three months!
my life this year. really. Every Sunday and Monday morning I’m like okay, new week. Then they come in at 7:05 and I’m drained by 7:45. every day. they really never stop talking. for anything. I don’t know how they learn at all!
I cannot express how much this touched, and encouraged my tired, worn-out soul! God is so good to use a blog post to encourage me to press on, and to use talent well!
Thank you!! I’ve always loved your honesty!!
Wow! I so needed this. God knew! My class looks/sounds a lot like yours – 24 kids, 8 have IEP’s. I love them and they are a pretty good group but WOW are they loud!! (haha). Anyways, found this post through Bloglovin’ and am so glad I clicked on it. I’ve been so burnt out this year and it’s Sunday and already anxious about tomorrow. What a great reminder and mindset you shared and I know God wanted me to read that. Thanks!
This was me last year. I had a tough group and it was hard. You question a lot. I made it through and this year is like a dream. Still a few tough ones at times but nothing like last year. Some seasons are tougher than others but our strength comes from God and he pulls us through. He won’t give us more than we can handle. An easier season is around the corner.
Kristen–awesome post! So glad to see your life group at work– you are very blessed! I have a similar quote I learned from a pastor many years ago–“Feelings follow actions”! I love Rick Warren, my son worked at saddleback about 14 years ago.
I always love reading your Blog as you are always so upbeat and funny. This is the first time I have heard to express these feelings that many, many teachers have these days. Sometimes we need to just get our feelings out and hear how others are also going through the same things to help us. Over the years we have all seen the changes in education and how people view teachers. We have all seen the changes in our students. They are having so many emotional problems. I have never seen child study team members and principals chasing kids around the school like these days. I have never had so many kids in foster care, adopted, in single parent households or living in hotel rooms. It is a very sad time for teachers but we need to remember each day that no matter how bad our days can be, there is probably one or more children in our class that are having way worse days every day of their lives. They need us to make their time in school positive because that may be the best part of their day. That is what helps me keep positive every day. Also, when my class gets like that I usually throw In an extra special fun day and remind them if they want more days like that, then they need to start following the rules better. Kristin, you can do this!! We all can do this!! Just because we are teachers, we work hard, and may be the best things in our kids lives every day. “Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being.” Thanks for sharing your honesty! You help keep my light shining!
i totally get what you are feeling! A couple years ago I had “that” class. It was a small class, but the dynamics made it very difficult to teach! They were needy, immature, and chatty! Someone was constantly tattling or crying (or so it seemed)! I felt so inadequate because everything I tried was nat helping. I even researched jobs that people with education degrees could pursue! But during the 4th quarter of the year, they turned a corner and became more mature and I even began to enjoy being their teacher! By the end of the year, I didn’t want to let them go!!! Those students still stop in my room to say “Hi” occasionally 🙂 So know it’s not you and kudos to you for making an attitude adjustment and choosing to love your job!
What a blessing this was to me today, as I have felt the same this year. I was reminded recently not to let the “stuff” steal my joy, it has helped me tremendously to celebrate every day the position God has given me. Your post will now be combined with this thinking. We serve a mighty God and I am thankful for your post.
Thank you so much for sharing this, and being so honest! I think as teachers, we many times fail to communicate what we are actually feeling because we’re scared that somebody might say, “maybe this isn’t the place for you.” (Teachers have actually been told that here). I went through postpartum, and my first year teaching at a new school all in one year, last year. It was the worst, but I still tried to put on a “brave face.” I’m sure my kids could see through it, since I actually cried at times, and I realize now that the teacher who has “bad classroom management,” might just actually be going through something right now. It’s so important to realize that, and support each other! You got this! Look at you, teaching first grade, keeping up with a blog to help thousands of us out, and still have the personality to add humor to your life. Thank you for sharing your wonderful blog with everyone!
This was sooo me last year. I was having chairs thrown at me and kids running out of my classroom and climbing trees and I teach regular K. It’s amazing what an attitude adjustment can do. I finally had to prepare for each day like an athlete prepares for a sporting event; the right music, listening to a motivational podcast on the way to school, eating healthy food. I finally got through it and talked myself into finishing the year strong, but it was tough. Hang in there and finish strong!
Ugh! I so needed this reminder. My group hasn’t been that tough this year but attitude has been in the dumps as of late. Thank you for this reminder. Ready to pour as much as I can into my kiddos these next three months.
Oh my!! You don’t know how much I needed this! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for sharing, I hear your voice in my head. I echo the same sentiments and also have to remind myself of God’s calling-easier some days than other. God bless you.
I am a librarian, so there is always a debate between the “specials” and the classroom teachers: “You only have them for 30 minutes”! “Yes, but we have EVERYONE’s troublemakers for SIX years”! Sometimes you just have to concentrate on 1-2 kids at a time. Yesterday, one of our little ones said my name and grabbed my hand (as I was just sauntering down the hallway). I asked if he wanted me to walk him to his classroom. Three teachers later said, “Awww…how cute was that”? (They didn’t see that halfway down the hall, he SMACKED me! But, last year, he punched me in the chest…so that’s an improvement!) Another fifth grader has been acting up all year (well, frankly, his whole career), but the teacher is on his neck day and night! I decided to (force myself) to be nice to him. He is now SO well behaved in my class! Sometimes we have to GIVE positive vibes to get some!
Thank you so much for sharing! It’s really good for Baby Teachers like me to hear that Veteran Teachers can feel a little lost sometimes. Praying for all the teachers everywhere, that we’d make the most of each moment for God’s Glory!
This is awesome thank you, I needed to hear this and I’m printing and blowing up Pastor Rick’s saying. I’m not a teacher; I work as a Case Coor for intellectually disabled adults and more often than not I find myself and others complaining. Thank you for your honesty.
Oh my goodness, How much did I need this today! I retired from public school last year and went to work in a private Christian school. The kids are better than my old school in all ways but they are THE CHATTIEST group of kids but the are nice and kind and sweet but they CAN NOT close their mouths all the day long!!!! I have 24 kids in a small room (growing pains of the school) so there is no where to move people so I struggle with how to motivate them to be quieter. Some things work for a day or two but I need an attitude adjustment too. I am going to ponder your post this evening and pray how I can change me!
Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being.” Thanks for sharing your honesty! You help keep my light shining!
Thank you so much for posting this. I read it on Tuesday after a hard day of rain, crazy kids, and a few hard conferences. The par two days u have changed my mindset and others have noticed a change. Coworkers but especially my husband!! Thank you thank you thank you. The stress not only transfers to the classroom but our home life’s!
We can do this!! ☘️💚☘️
Ashley Madsen
Arroyo Grande, CA
1st Grade teacher
Good morning! I needed to read this!!! Thank you!!! God bless!!!!
Thanks for letting me, and all of the other teachers who are feeling the same way, know that we are not the only one. February is the month I get cabin fever, feel as though the shortest month of the year is actually the longest due to days on end of indoor recesses, get frustrated with all of the administrative demands, the stress of standardized testing etc. gets the best of me. It all seems too much and spring break feels like it is too far away for me to be able to hold out. I quote Galatians 6:9 to myself on a regular basis when I go through this part of the year and tell myself over and over that in regard to my mental and emotional state, “this too shall pass.” What keeps me going is my love for the kids, love for academics, and the confidence that this is what God has called me to. After more than twenty odd years in the profession, I hope to continue to grow in my craft and be able to keep teaching for many more years yet. In spite of everything, I can’t image doing anything else.
I simply love your candor! I know so many teachers who are feeling exactly the way you feel but simply can’t get beyond it. Your inner strength and reflection is what is going to make a big difference in the lives of your students. Thanks for sharing!