I have an amazing group of girlfriends and sisters, and a wonderful mom.
I am blessed.
When something is going wrong in my life (and I tend to be a drama queen so this might be a daily thing but, at the same time, I am also a pretty positive person so good luck to you if you’re my friend because I’m a conundrum), I turn to my friends. I turn to my sisters. I turn to my mom.
And if it is a case in which I was wronged, WRONGED I tell you, or something was unjustified, or someone was – heaven forbid – mean to me, I turn to my girlfriends (sisters and mom included in this from here on out to ease my typing fingers) no matter what.
Because they listen.
Not only do they listen, they nod. And they tilt their heads. And they say things like:
You have got to be kidding me!
That is ridiculous!
Are you okay?
I cannot believe it!
You have got to be kidding me!
NO!
WHAT?
That’s crazy!
SHUT UP! (But they really want me to keep talking)
I can’t believe it. Really. I can’t.
That is just NOT okay.
And as they listen, and interrupt with coos and coddling, they might rub my shoulder. Or give me a glass of wine. Or a peanut butter cup.
And then, after all of that, they do the best thing ever, because when I’m feeling wronged or hurt or upset, I need to talk about it, and this is what they say:
Wait.
Back up.
Let’s start over.
From the top please.
Start at the beginning.
Tell us again.
What happened when such-and-such?
And who said what?
What was he wearing?
What did the car look like?
Wait.
Were you sitting down or standing up?
Was it on the phone?
Was it raining?
What were you wearing?
Oh, I like that outfit.
You look cute in that outfit.
And then what happened?
Have another glass of wine.
Here’s another peanut butter cup.
I cannot believe it!
That is ridiculous!
You have got to be kidding me!
Yes. That’s right. We re-hash everything. And they ask questions. And they want the teeny tiny details.
I do this for my girlfriends, too. I am there for them.
After talking it all out, I feel better.
I am validated. I am right. I am victorious.
I mean, if we were having a contest and, unfortunately, we aren’t, but if we were having a contest, I would win the gold medal, the first prize ribbon, and my name would be printed in the paper. That’s how right and validated I am.
I am victorious. And my girlfriends agree with me.
So I go home.
And there’s my husband.
Steve. Mr. Devil’s Advocate.
And I get two sentences in . . . maybe one and a half . . . and he says:
But maybe she meant?
Why didn’t you just say ___ right then and there?
That person might have . . .
That parent might have . . .
That kid might have . . .
You should look at their perspective.
Or, the absolute worst thing ever:
Calm down.
CALM DOWN?! I AM CALM!!!!
Never mind!
I’m going to go call so-and-so. She understands!
This has pretty much been going on for my entire 18 year marriage and almost all of the 24 years that we have been together and even the part of our relationship where we were just friends, although, I have to say, he seemed to take my side more often because he liked me and didn’t know any better.
I hear that many husbands do this.
But recently, in this household of mine, Steve has been taking my side.
Really.
It’s sort of a phenomenon and I don’t know if I can actually trust it.
But the other day, I started in on a story and he listened.
And then he agreed.
And then he wanted to know if he should go beat up this girl that had wronged me. And by girl, I mean adult, and by wronged me, I mean keeps taking advantage of me, and I can’t stand up to her, and I have issues that a woman of my age should not have.
It’s the strangest thing.
I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone.
Is this a fluke?
Will it last?
Has an alien taken over his body?
Is this what it feels like when you marry the 17 year old you fell in love with and you wait for years and years for him to grow up and then he does?
Or should I be worried?
I feel like I need to call a girlfriend to hash this out . . .
Bhahha! Me when you were telling me the printer story ?? and what has come over Steve?!
He needs to talk to O'brian and help him grow up too!! Haha! Boys!!!?
Haha! This is so true of my husband and me, too. He even started taking my side recently, too. Maybe there is some secret new advice book for husbands that we don't know about? 🙂
Mandy
Caffeine and Lesson Plans
My husband is very good about listening, but he often plays Devil's Advocate. Early on in our marriage (we've been married 31 years!), I told him that when I unloaded my problems on him, that I didn't really want him to fix the problem. I just wanted him to listen, and then say, "I wish I could make it better." Now whenever he remembers to say that I just start laughing!
I know this video has been around the Internet for a while, but this guy needs to learn to just say, "I wish I could make it better!" The male members of my family think this is hilarious (but they don't really GET it!): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
Yes. Yes. Yes! I think Jeff's always trying to "teach" me or something- when I don't want to be taught anything. Just enjoy the new moment! Jeff will listen, too- for a while, but I may like to hash and rehash, which he doesn't have the patience for. So he may enjoy the story once- but then, it's shut down cause he's done with it. With girlfriends, we can somehow discuss the same issues over and over and over- and it's just fine with all of us. 🙂 Especially those stories where we've been WRONGED…oh. my. goodness. Have a great week! 🙂
PS Seriously- who would EVER "wrong" you?!?!?! XOX
Right????????
Right????????
Okay, this is too funny! I have not had a group of girlfriends like you have since probably junior high/early high school, but I do remember those days and those conversations. 🙂 I JUST started an online Bible Study (well, I joined it and it started today, it's not one I started) and it is called Heart Sisters (it is using a book by the same name.) In the first chapter, the author explains to us why we need girlfriends, and she basically says exactly what you said about why you have to tell your girlfriends when something happens to you. Thanks for sharing another example of what I have been missing out on- I need to make some friends!
I love that your husband has taken your side, but I certainly wouldn't bet on it staying that way forever, I don't think it's in their nature lol. I bet you must have just made his favorite dessert or something ;). At any rate, enjoy it while it lasts!! (and keep those heart sisters close by 🙂 )
You make me laugh out loud!!! I have a question unrelated to this post…even though I loved it!! I went to Costco this weekend and bought was of those blankets you love so much!!! It is the softest thing ever and I love it…. But the shedding!!!!! I have washed it three times now and it still sticks to everything! Did this happen with yours? Suggestions? And just so you know I read your blog for educational purposes too :)…. I use your take home sight word lists with my kindergarteners as a way to challenge them and I love it!!! I also use and love your picture dictionaries!!! Thanks!!
Yes, they shed!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do about it either!!! 🙂 Thanks for reading my blog for "educational purposes" too. Although sometimes, as you know, it has no educational purpose at all. Ha!
I can relate to the adults mistreating and not acting in the right manner at work. I am glad that you are finally getting that from your husband. I bet it's refreshing.
So you're telling me it's possible…
Buzzing with Ms. B
Yes!! That's exactly what I am telling you!!
You aren't forty yet, correct? Proper boundary-setting does begin to fully develop until then with people-pleasers. It's a process. Someday you will find this voice that sounds eerily like yours say, "No. That doesn't work for me." Then you will stare blankly into the astonished face of someone who has come to rely upon your submission. They will think you have lost your marbles. They may even tell someone else they are concerned about you. True Story.