I’ve made it through two WHOLE days of school.
Goodnight. See you in the morning.
Just kidding.
Sort of.
Two whole days. Quick recap.
Yesterday: Inclement Weather Schedule due to the cold 60 degree weather with slightly windy conditions.
Yes. You read that right.
Luckily, it was lifted about forty minutes after being announced. I’m pretty sure an Eskimo called and set someone straight on what cold weather actually feels like.
Today: Paint-the-Blacktop Day so let’s send all the kids to the cafeteria.
Do not get me started. And if anyone can tell me which side of the blacktop is the south side, I’d greatly appreciate it because that’s the side we get to play on tomorrow.
Okay. Enough of that. Ready???
The Bachelor started off exactly the right way. Sean was in a bunch of scenes with his shirt off. I think he was exercising in most of them. Maybe. I’m not familiar with the terminology, but I do believe sweat was involved and I saw some pecs move.
Then they looked back on Sean’s heartbreak. Blah blah blah. There was a cute montage of Sean with his niece and nephew, Sean throwing rocks at the beach, Sean climbing rocks . . . Just keep your shirt off, Sean.
Then Arie came over. ?????? WHAT? Wait. For a second, I got a little nervous that we were getting a two-fer. Like a double wedding or something. Which is never really a good idea (just saying). I felt like Arie was in my way.
Move over, Arie. Scoot. I said, move over.
Listen here, buddy. Time for you to go home. Sean doesn’t need a lesson on kissing. At least that’s what the previews are showing.
Then we had some videographies of the ladies.
Let’s go over some of the gimmicks: voting, dogs, modeling, exercising, Fifty Shades, cats . . . EEEEERRRRR. (Insert brakes screeching.) Fifty Shades? FIFTY SHADES? Yes. She went there. Yes, I read all three. But the whole world does not need to know that. Nor does it ever need to be my gimmick.
FINALLY (after about fifteen commercials and a lot of fools acting crazy on their videos), the girls met Sean at the Bachelor Pad.
Bring on the limos.
So then we had some more gimmicks: lipstick, secret stupid silly handshake (do you really want to be known as the secret stupid silly handshake girl?), yoga, singing, Fifty Shades AGAIN (kill me now), awkward pause, driving 2775 miles because apparently ABC ran out of money to fly all twenty-five girls to California, pennies for wishing, a football play so that she could “admire the view” (haha), a girl in a WEDDING DRESS (Um – it doesn’t work like that, chick. Almost no bachelor couples get married and, if they do, it’s a separate two hour show so I don’t know what you’re thinking.), and finally, a girl who decided to do a graceful back handspring. Because she used to be in the Olympics. No. Not true. Because she used to be a gymnast. No. Don’t think so. Because she is ten years old and it’s her birthday. That’s not it, either. Well, whatever the reason, she decided to get out of the limo and do two back handsprings to mosey on over to Sean. In an evening gown.
Except she didn’t actually do a back handspring. Instead, she landed on her head. In front of Sean. In a dress. On her head. And then she basically just fell over.
Yes, I had to rewind it three times to make sure that it really happened. And because I was doubled over laughing so hard that I missed the falling-over part the first two times.
Then we met Tierra – she got a rose before anything else even happened. All of the girls weren’t even out of the limos yet. He just liked her energy and magnetic personality. Well, now, let’s face it: Tierra is practically my twin. Except that my twin is Kerry and married with three children, but you get my drift. (If you didn’t, my drift is energy and magnetic personality.)
And then BAM! Kacie B. showed up.
I love myself some Kacie B. We could be friends. For real. As a matter of fact, I think we are. In my head, at least. Which I did not fall on while doing a back handspring in a dress.
Of course, the other girls want to KILL HER. They were all, “Waaa, it’s not fair, you had your chance with Hair-Gone-Wrong-Ben, I’m so sad, you’re so cute, this isn’t fair, waaaaa!”
Then Desiree got a rose. But wait. Tierra got a rose earlier. How can there be TWO first impression roses?
The house went cuh-razy. They had to completely dissect the rose situation. Was the first rose FIRST? Or was it just the FIRST ROSE? Were there rules? Can Sean do whatever he wants? REALLY? Can the bachelor have control? Oh, wait. Maybe only girls in RED DRESSES got roses? No. She was wearing black. The roses are for brunettes only. Nope, that’s not it either. A blonde just got one. What in the Sam Heck is going on? At this point, some of the girls would have settled for a freaking carnation, the way they were carrying on. Or a dandelion. (which is just a weed)
Is it dumb for me to point out that it’s just a rose?? I mean, I can see all this carrying on for a clipart gift certificate, but a rose? A rose?
Then Fifty Shades girl came back onto the scene. She was . . . she had . . . well, she needed some water and coffee. And a bed. Instead, she acted like a fool. A FOOL.
Then there was a lot of Sean-Stealing because everyone wanted time with him. One on one time, to be more specific.
Sarah, the girl born with one arm, seemed super sweet and down to earth. In other words, NORMAL.
Despite all of the first-rose-freaking-out-drama, there was indeed an actual rose ceremony. Paige from The Bachelor Pad was sent home and she needs therapy quick because she thinks she fails at this. THIS being the Bachelor Franchise reality TV show. So, yeah. Therapy is definitely in order for that girl.
Fifty Shades Girl – well, she’s going home to Detroit and has a tie for some lucky guy. And I can’t talk about all the stuff she did there at the end because THIS IS A PROFESSIONAL TEACHING BLOG, DON’T YOU KNOW?!
And that’s about it. Some girls received roses and others didn’t. I didn’t pay close enough attention to that part because, at this point, I don’t really know anyone except for Kacie B. and once she got her rose, I was all good.
The previews look fantastic! A firetruck and a stretcher??? YES, PLEASE! Also, some chick screams, “I hope they’re happy now” as she’s crying hysterically. Best line ever.
I cannot wait. How about you?
I TOTALLY said out loud that I thought Paige needed therapy. Twinsies! {For reals. If we were on this season we would SO get roses ;)}
It looks like it is going to be a great season with lots of drama!!! Can't wait for the next episode…wish we could watch it together. 🙂
Where is the LIKE button? Thanks for TAIT…it will make my week so much less painful! Love Sean!!!!
So happy Kacie B. is back! SO HAPPY!
Although I don't watch this one, I have a very clear idea what's going on here, who the main & supporting characters are, and what the main idea of the story is here! You are very detail oriented & need to give professional growth classes on reading comp., 'cause you're one of the BEST I'VE SEEN! I'd buy my ticket!
Amy Howbert
Little Miss Organized
amyhowbert1@gmail.com
OMG! We should so be buddies! I ADORE YOUR BLOG, I am a year 1 teacher and I LOVE The Bachelor. Pitty we live thousands of kilometres away! Coming to Australia anytime soon? PS – I love just veging out in my PJ's too.
Hahahaha! OMG! The back flip was hilarious. I don't know what I love more…watching the show OR your recap of the show. Love you Teeny!!!
I love your recap of The Bachelor. Sean was my favorite for sure and I am so looking forward to seeing him! And for the stretcher scene too! SO exciting!!
Liz
Teaching in the Valley
Your recap of the Bachelor was much better than any version I've heard today at school. Thanks for making me laugh! Love the blog, too!!!
Looking forward to the talky tuesdays
I watch the ridiculousness of it all just so I can roll on the floor laughing my head off with all that you say about that dumb show. Talk About it Tuesday is definitely the BEST part of the Bachelor. Where do they find these girls? The wedding dress scared me… then came Fifty Shades and I had to look away… because I was embarrassed for her and her family. OH, her poor mother!! And the end…with her shaking and… so sad.
Anyway… as usual… your Talk About always leaves me wanting to talk even more about it – but mostly just laughing about it. 😀 Thanks!
I am grinning from ear to ear! I missed last night's episode and I am SO glad you recapped it! I KNOW your summary was WAY better than the actual episode. Thank so much!
-Jaime
Bright Concepts 4 Teachers
Thank you for the laugh. I haven't ever watched the show, but you describing it made my night. 🙂
I am excited for this season. I think Sean is a cutie and oh so sweet! The gimmicks always make me laugh. I mean, come on, singing a country song that you made up and a lace heart? Did they think they were being clever or cute? It looks like we are in store for a drama filled season. I can't wait. :).
~Christy
I am excited for this season. I think Sean is a cutie and oh so sweet! The gimmicks always make me laugh. I mean, come on, singing a country song that you made up and a lace heart? Did they think they were being clever or cute? It looks like we are in store for a drama filled season. I can't wait. :).
~Christy
You have cracked me up twice today!! I needed a reason to smile.
Terri
KinderKapers
I read this out loud to my roommate every week…and I don't even watch the show regularly. Too funny! Thanks for cracking me, and my roommate, up! Someone…who loves clipart…should find a rose…it could be a rose ceremony for blogs.
Laurie
Chickadee Jubilee
My thoughts exactly! 🙂
Between the numerous drunk girls, the models, the Grey girl dancing…then falling…then dancing some more, AND the back handspring gone bad, it was a pretty entertaining preview of what's to come!
Thanks for the laugh!
🙂
Loved your recap, It made me laugh more than the silliness of the show. Every year I swear I'm not going to watch, then I get sucked in again…….. The part at the end where Fifty Shades showed her tattoo then told her mom to calm down just killed me!! Her poor mom is all I'm thinking!
I totally agree with your recap of the failed back handspring! I had to mute the TV to minimise the amount of cringing I did. 🙂
Fingers crossed for a Kacie B & Sean happily ever after!
Lauren
lovelaughterandlearninginprep.blogspot.ca
Love Kacie B. but SUPER nervous because I didn't really see her in the previews that looked like they were later on in the show…. Did I just miss her? Better yet, maybe they'll just pull her out early because she's going to be the next Bachelorette. 😉
I couldn't wait to see what you had to say about the show! I was laughing out loud at so many parts, especially the backwards handstand and the Fifty Shades chick. What were they thinking? I did kinda like the pennies for the wishing well and the football play to "check out the view."
🙂
Tamera
Kaizactan2001@yahoo.com
My Heart Belongs in First
Would love to win your kindergarten morning work!
amy.jon.jax@gmail.com
I would lobe to win AM work. Need to keep em busy for attendance and office work
I'm excited to watch this season. I'm glad Kacie B is getting a chance for Sean's heart. I could see them making a super cute couple! The 50 shades girl was crazy and crazy drunk. I give the girl with the failed back hand spring major props.
P.S. That is nuts you had an inclement weather day for 60 degree weather. Glad the Eskimo called to inform them that 60 degrees isn't cold lol.
It is such a job to find different things to do for morning work. You have covered that and to have it altogether in one packet. Have your coworkers done the same with 1st and second graders? I have a homeroom of mixed age kiddos k-2. Need to have something they can do at each level. Any other grades available?
It is such a job to find different things to do for morning work. You have covered that and to have it altogether in one packet. Have your coworkers done the same with 1st and second graders? I have a homeroom of mixed age kiddos k-2. Need to have something they can do at each level. Any other grades available?
Seriously, you make me want to watch this show. You are hilarious!
I have NO time for this but I must watch it and read your blog. I adore you!
I can not even tell you how happy I am that Talk about Tuesday is back! Jack!
You are right, a rose is just a rose. However a clip art gift certificate is a whole other story.
Oh my Lord! I need to go to sleep, but I am up living and dying the Bachelor on your blog and I dont even watch the show…. Miss Kinder and Teeny, yes, you would BOTH get roses for sure!
OMG! I finally had time today (Saturday) to watch it. 50 shades of the loonie bin anyone? What a bunch! I'm pretty good with the feelings I have about people and I have a funny feeling about Tierra, then the previews confirmed it.
Sean is every bit the gentleman, as Emily was the lady. I still wish they had made it. Oh well. Gonna try to watch it on Monday, when it actually airs, this week.