I know, I know, it’s so late, but I have yet to tell my bible study group that I can’t attend on Mondays because of The Bachelor.
And then I had to take Murphie for a walk.
And then I had to watch the whole show! With
one two cookies (homemade from our neighbors who were repaying us for some ribs we went sent over on Sunday night) and a cup of coffee.
Because I took Murphie for a walk and that was my reward.
Let’s get started!
The girls – in short shorts and tank tops – got settled into their hotel and then Juan Pablo showed up. He handed the date card directly to Sharleen (by the way, I’ve been spelling her name wrong for weeks now . . . thanks for not caring since we aren’t really fans of hers anyway) and then she was confused and dumbfounded by the note.
Should I read it? she asked.
Um . . . yes? Unless you feel like ironing it. Or eating it. Or ripping it up and using it as confetti.
And then she didn’t know how to process her feelings because she felt like they were missing a cerebral connection. I wonder if the cerebral connection has anything to do with the whole “When Given a Card, You Should Not Wonder If You Should Read It” thing.
Anywho, she spent the first part of their date (on a yacht) conflicted. She was confused, she was conflicted, she was ridiculous.
Then they kissed and she forgot all about her hang ups.
I was so grossed out by their kissing. Sick, I tell you. Just sick. Bleck. Stop.
Sharleen later told him (in a sort-of-one-piece swimsuit) that she would give up The Opera for him.
Juan Pablo wants to go meet her parents, but Sharleen doesn’t know if he should because all they do is kiss, and is that all there is to their relationship? Is that all there is?
Yes. That is all there is. You two are not going to end up together, if I have anything to say about it. And since I Talk About It Every Tuesday, well then, there you go.
That is all there is. Especially because she said she wished she were dumber.
Honestly. If half of you thinks this is wrong, then it is. It is wrong. You either like him or you don’t. This back and forth-ing is driving me up a wall.
After the date, Sharleen went to talk to Renee because that’s normal this season, as well as expected, and Renee was the bigger person because instead of advising Sharleen to leave, or telling Sharleen she should know by now, or even hinting that she is not right for him, Renee convinced her to stay.
She is a better woman than me, that’s for sure.
Nikki got the next one on one and Juan Pablo took her to see his family. Which is out of order for the show. And not how it works.
Juan Pablo, this is not how it works. First, you go to their hometowns, and then the final three meet your family. If you need some help navigating, I will give you my number.
But maybe Juan Pablo didn’t understand and the language barrier got in the way? I mean, what in the world?
He took her to Camilla’s dance recital. Which I absolutely loved. Camilla had a little solo and she was just absolutely adorable. I mean, really. She could have her own show.
Juan Pablo’s ex, Carla, was also there. They didn’t make too big a deal out of it, but she was there. As she should be because Camilla is her daughter.
People, Carla is gorgeous.
I see Carla as the next Bachelorette.
So then Juan Pablo took Nikki to his office which is the Marlin’s baseball field. Ain’t no big thing.
Now, before we go any further, let’s talk about Nikki’s attire.
First, she was wearing a black skirt. And, maybe, you’ll need to go into your archives and fast forward or rewind to this spot of the episode, but when they showed Nikki from the back, it looked (to me) as if they were putting one of those square black boxes over her tush because she was naked. Really. I’m not kidding.
Here. Look. I took a picture for you after failing to find a picture on the internet.
The things I do for you people.
Second, and probably the most important, Nikki was channeling some J-Lo at the Oscars action circa 2000.
And here’s Nikki:
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand
And here I’ll go
Let it go, let it go
Juan Pablo never bothered me anyway.