Monday nights are taking on new meaning for me. I have so much to do on Mondays now, what with The Bachelor, Celebrity Apprentice, and Vanderpump Rules.
It’s almost too much.
However, I can’t kick one out of the lineup so I just stay up really late. Which means I am now dragging . . . let’s get started so I can go sit on the couch and watch the Housewives of Beverly Hills.
The episode began with Jimmy Kimmel waking up Chris. And then Chris, aka Prince Farming, said the F word. Um, I thought he was supposed to be a Prince. This kind of threw me for a loop.
But he was awfully cute in the morning. I will say that.
It turned out that Jimmy was going to be there for the week. He was going to help plan the dates and cause all sorts of trouble. And, seeing as how last week’s episode was practically putting me to sleep, I was all for Jimmy joining in on all the dates and festivities. The more the merrier is what I always say.
Kaitlyn got the first one-on-one. The date card was written and planned by Jimmy and said “exclusive club, sweeping view, vaulted ceilings, and unlimited hors d’oeuvres”. Everyone thought it would be a super fancy date.
Until the limo dropped them off at COSTCO. That cracked me up!
Now, I hate Costco. I mean, I love it because where else can you get 500 sheets of card stock for $7, but I hate it. Steve could spend all day there while I just want to get in and get out. But that’s never ever possible because you have to stop and look at everything, and eat things, and check out the new things, and then you have to sit on all of the patio furniture, too.
Jimmy’s point to the date was that a Costco trip was a normal couple thing to do and he was right. It is. It is real life. Along with picking up dog poop and emptying the dishwasher. UGH.
They were a little disappointed that Costco was their date, but they made the best of it, and Chris was impressed with how go with the flow Kaitlyn was.
They ended up getting in some inflatable ball thingamajig (I told you Costco has everything and you have to try it out) and Kaitlyn was laughing hysterically. It was actually quite cute.
The funniest part was that they had to unload the cart into the limo and the trunk didn’t even close. I so related to this because, once, I took my Mini Cooper to Costco (it was actually a Sam’s Club, but just go with the flow like Kaitlyn) and I ended up buying more than what was on my list (my list was K-cups, laundry detergent, and card stock which I ended up getting, plus I ended up with some pillows and a sweatshirt and some pickles and a Rotisserie chicken, and a pizza, and some toilet paper, and some paper plates, and some other stuff) and when I got out to my car, I realized I had a Mini Cooper. And that I had driven in it to Costco. And it was in the parking lot.
It is too perfectly safe to drive home with a pack of 36 rolls of toilet paper in your lap! Who said it wasn’t?
In the end, Chris and Kaitlyn had to prepare dinner together because Jimmy was coming over to the house for dinner. While they waited for Jimmy, they talked, laughed, and kissed a lot . . . they’re awfully cute together. Really.
Does anyone else think that Kaitlyn looks a little bit like Punky Brewster?
Finally, Jimmy showed up. He was funny, of course, and asked a lot of questions. And he made them uncomfortable which he said was his speciality. Jimmy Kimmel talked mostly about the Fantasy Suite and what that entailed . . . ahem . . . and it was hysterical but I fear writing it all down in case my blog becomes something that will end up getting shut down due to inappropriate whatever type shenanigans. So use your imagination.
Chris gave Kaitlyn the rose. And then Jimmy finally left.
But not really. Because there was a shot of Chris and Kaitlyn in the hot tub (OF COURSE) and then the camera panned out and there was Jimmy, eating a chicken wing.
I died. I mean, we’re all basically Jimmy In The Hot Tub as we watch each date unfold. Except I’m not eating a chicken wing. I’m eating ice cream or chocolate. Am I right or what?
Back at the house, they showed Jillian working out like a crazy person and then once again, the black rectangular hide inappropriate body parts rectangle showed up again and I just do not get it. Is it a joke??? Or is she seriously having her butt hang out everywhere?
PLEASE WEIGH IN ON THIS IN THE COMMENTS. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU ALL THINK. IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.
The group date was next.
Jimmy organized a Farm Test Hoe Down to see if the girls were Farm Living Ready.
First up, the girls had to shuck corn. Only so many girls advanced to the next round. After that, the girls had to go collect an egg from a chicken coop and then crack it into a frying pan. A certain amount of girls advanced on. From there, they had to milk a goat (where Jillian’s bottom was once again covered up with the black box!!!!!) and then they had to DRINK THE GOAT’S MILK!
DISGUSTING. I can’t stand even regular milk so I can’t imagine how that tasted.
Only three girls moved onto the the last part which was getting into a pig pen and then picking up a pig. I think. I’m not really sure.
Carly won. So she got to have a little photo shoot with Chris.
The girls got all dressed up and they had a little cocktail party. Carly stole him right away and kissed him. And then he kissed . . . hold on. Let me count.
Okay, so two more after that. But the way it was edited, it made it seem like two hundred. He said it was the point of the process. Sure, Chris, sure. Uh huh. I believe you.
All of the kissing made CRAZY-BELIEVES IN ALIENS- LIKES BIG NOSES-MACKENZIE really upset and she didn’t feel special anymore so she made an extremely weird face (seriously, her facial expressions are bizarre) and asked him why he kept kissing other girls.
It was AWKWARD and Mackenzie is a nut. And immature. And weird. And then later on in the show, I think I saw that she was 21 or some other ridiculously young age which makes me want to tell her she is out past curfew and it’s a school night. She is, in fact, young. But it doesn’t mean she has to be so immature. I mean, she is like a little girl.
Then Chris tried to kiss Becca, but she didn’t want to because it’s so new and she didn’t want to rush it. GOOD GIRL, Becca. Make him work for it. She felt that she didn’t want to have to kiss him to get a rose. ALRIGHT, Becca!! Representing all good girls everywhere! Becca isn’t going to need a Black Box Cover Up on her! GO BECCA!
I am now a huge fan of Becca’s.
Well, Becca got the group date rose so THERE YOU GO. I am validated. I mean, Becca is validated. Becca and I are like.this.
The next one-on-one was with Whitney, the Fertility Specialist who has a squeaky voice. They went to some bluff or something (honestly, I think I tuned out a little so you can let me know if I’m missing something important) and they had some wine and snacks.
Their date was kind of serious whereas his date with Kaitlyn was much more carefree.
But then . . . they saw a wedding happening below and Whitney said they should crash it so they decided to. They changed into fancier clothes, bought a gift, and did it.
Now . . . to me, it seemed as if this was spontaneous and not at all planned or scripted by ABC. But who knows? I don’t know. The “cameras” supposedly didn’t follow them in (which was outside) but still. We watched it all unfold so cameras were somewhere nearby and close enough to hear their conversations.
At any rate, Whitney was great with all of the strangers and Chris was very impressed. It made me really want to crash a wedding because I think I would be really good at it. I say that humbly.
I just mean that I will talk to anyone about anything and I like to do it. Call me a Conversation Crasher because I do it all the time.
They danced, they kissed, they connected, they had fun. It wasn’t as serious as it had started out and became more carefree. Chris was completely smitten with her by the end of it. He said he could see her as his wife and that she made his day.
It was sweet. It was AW SHUCKS SWEET.
The next day Jimmy let the girls know that the cocktail party was cancelled, but that they were having a pool party instead.
Julia had some one on one time with Chris and told him the whole story of how her husband committed suicide. He really wanted to know and asked her if she was okay talking about it. He was a really good listener. Like, a really sweet, good, sincere listener. It made me like Chris a lot. But I felt bad for him because he barely knows her and he was having to comfort her. However, he handled it really well.
Then Britt pounced on him. He was trying to talk to her and she just kissed him and he tried to talk again, but she interrupted him and then he had to stop talking because she was sucking his lips off his face and he couldn’t use them anymore to form words. I realize that’s an extremely long, run-on sentence, but that’s kind of exactly how their encounter went down.
Jade finally got some one-on-one time with him . . . she asked him for a tour of his house. And let me just tell you that she wore HIGH HEELS with her swimsuit.
At a pool party in someone’s backyard. WHO DOES THIS IN NORMAL LIFE? WHO?!
Chris gave her a tour and then they “tested” out the bed by jumping on it. Of course this led to making out on the bed.
Which, I’m just going to say . . . there was a point in which I felt that Jade needed the Black Rectangular Box blacking out her top area because I couldn’t tell what I was seeing, but I thought it might be . . . I thought it could be . . .
Well, I went to get Steve because he’s a man and maybe he might know . . . and he said he thought it was the lining of her swimsuit or possibly her microphone pack. Or something. But he didn’t feel that it was a body part.
Well, there you go. I’ll trust a man’s opinion over my own even though I am a woman and I have the body part in question.
Jillian waited in the hot tub for Chris so he joined her.
And then Mackenzie, Megan, and Ashley I. crashed their time. Jillian let them know she barely had any time so they left and waited a bit, and then returned.
Well, that’s when the drama ensued because Jillian wouldn’t leave even though she had enough one-on-one time with Chris and the girls, especially Ashley I., thought that this was absolutely disrespectful and not okay.
Ashley I. was very emotional. It was exhausting. It was so exhausting that she couldn’t even carry her plastic cocktail glass up the hill and she dropped it. It just hit the ground, spilled all over, rolled down the hill, and then she didn’t even go after it because she was so distraught. The poor thing. You’d think she’s dating the same guy as eighteen other girls or something.
Chris ended up finding her later and took her aside. They sat on top of a walled off balcony (this is important) and she cried and laughed at the same time. I’m sure Chris found this completely hot and he was not at all alarmed.
At any rate, they started kissing, and Ashley I. practically pulled him off the balcony and almost made them topple over the side. At one point, she was standing up and he was still sitting. I say this to let you know she was into it. He had to kind of hold onto the nearby-pillar-thing to keep from falling to his death with her on top of him.
At the Rose Ceremony, Jimmy kind of officiated the festivities.
Ashley I. told us that she told Chris to give her a rose at the beginning of the pack and not make her wait.
Okay, Ashley I.
Chris either does not follow directions well, doesn’t care, or wanted to teach Ashley I. a lesson because he called her LAST. Ha! HA!
Three girls went home.
There were two that we didn’t get to know that well, and I don’t have anything to say, really, and Amber (the girl from last week who said I Want To Kiss You and she did).
This left Onion Girl who I’d forgotten about. Onion Girl is still there! He gave her a rose! But she was not anywhere on the episode. I don’t even know if she was on the group date. I honestly forgot all about her. Was she there?!
She’s going home soon. Surely.
Chris Harrison told Jimmy he had to go home . . . that was super funny because he was crying in the limo. I cracked up.
And that’s it.
What did you think??!!