Hey there, Bachelor fans. Hi there, people just like me!
What a way to start the first minute of the show — Sean, shirtless, on a treadmill. Thank you, ABC. Thank you. I think my fever spiked, but I’ll be quite alright.
Lesley got the first one on one. They went to the Guiness Book of World Records museum . . . or shop or place or building . . .
They had the challenge of beating the longest on-screen kiss which was 3 minutes and 15 seconds or something like that. Their kiss was cute, fun, funny . . . but was I the only one worried about Lesley’s dress coming up in the back? Or is that just because my big ole booty would never have stayed under that short little
shirt dress and the whole wide world would have seen my Spanx? And why am I worrying about that, anyway, when we all know that dress would have gone past my knees had I been wearing it?
They beat the record. And, as far as I know, no one in London or France saw her underpants.
(But, seriously, how did she sit in that chair with that dress on?)
Then Sean gave her the rose. Before or after dinner, I’m not really sure because they went from kissing to sitting in a chair. I think we missed the dinner. But it’s okay because instead of fireworks shooting off, confetti burst from from the sky. It was a really nice change!
Group Date: They went to the beach.
And they had to play Beach Volleyball.
Before I go any further, I have to tell you that I don’t like to play volleyball. On a court or on the beach. Or in a pool. I think it hurts. And I am just not good at it. (or any other kind of sport unless it involves doing a somersault or a cartwheel or writing an essay)
Anywho, they played Beach Volleyball. In bikinis. The winning team would get more time with Sean, whereas the losing team would have to go home.
It started out fun.
And then it got competitive and all of these high stakes were involved because this could be their husband and they needed time, people. TIME!
Well, one team lost. Of course. And they were emotional and tired and exhausted. For goodness sake, they played beach volleyball on the beach, in the sun, with the ocean nearby, and let’s not forget that Sean was there, shirtless. Talk about a long, hard day. I’m surprised their necks held up their heads.
The other team went back to Sean’s house.
Desiree and Sean hit it off again. And then creepy Alien Amanda was all strange and weird . . . but I guess that’s normal behavior if you are, in fact, an alien.
And then Kacie B. pulled a fast one. I didn’t like it AT ALL. She went to Sean and tattled on Amanda and Desiree for being dramatic. It was really really really stupid. And dumb. And not true, I don’t think.
Kacie B. ended up looking kind of stupid. And Sean didn’t like the way she was acting. And I know this because Sean said, “Why are you acting like this? And where did you put Kacie B.?”
Maybe because Kacie B. WAS acting? She kept talking about “a plan” and kept looking like her eyes were squinty and confused and full of mascara clumps or something. I’m with Sean. I didn’t like the way she was acting either.
So Sean gave the group date rose to some other Lindsay chick and then Kacie B. cried and had to leave her interview. NO DUH.
Then, it’s the next morning and the girls were having breakfast and THUMP, THUD, SCRAMBLE, FALL, GASP, GASP, OH MY GOSH, OH NO . . . Tierra took a big fall.
Sean arrived to take AshLee on a date at about the same time the paramedics came to get Tierra. But she didn’t want to go to the hospital. Or wear the ugly collar. It didn’t go with her outfit. Clearly.
The girls weren’t buying it . . . who knows? It was a big fat let down for me. I thought for sure it was going to be way more dramatic. Some hair pulling or something . . . and a hot fireman and a paramedic or two . . . throw a girl a bone, why don’t ya?
AshLee finally got to go on her date to Magic Mountain. They actually took two girls from the Starlight Foundation around with them. It was pretty darn cool and I hope Sean was the reason behind it because I really feel like he might come up with that on his own. Once can hope, right?
I was all about the dresses on this episode — I liked AshLee’s dress a lot, but I really think she should have been allowed to change for walking around an amusement park. I mean, really. That was just not appropriate. And when they were on the big ship that goes back and forth like a big swing?? Well, I DID see HER underpants and I was just plain shocked and unprepared. Yikes.
But I got over it really quick because then she told Sean all about how she was adopted, and she made Sean and me cry. We just bawled. So we had to give her the rose. We had to.
Sean brought Sarah’s dog to the mansion in a limo. IN A LIMO. He didn’t take Sarah on a date this week, and he wanted to let her know he was still thinking about her. So he brought her dog to her. Leo.
(Hang on. I need to look at my wedding ring for a second and remind myself that my hubby is this sweet, too. Hold on.)
Okay, I’m good.
Tierra had some one-on-one time with Sean and then Desiree interrupted. So Tierra got mad. And took him back.
And then a whole big stealing game started and poor Sean just had to go here, there, and everywhere . . .
Kacie B. tried to salvage the mess she made but, of course, they got interrupted. It was the overall theme of the night.
With a mean girl here, and a sad girl there, here a short dress, there a short dress, everywhere some underwear, poor Sean the Bachelor had a rose, ABC on Mondays. (You’re supposed to sing that to the tune of Old MacDonald if you weren’t sure.)
Well, he sent Kacie B. home before the ceremony actually started. It was a bummer. But oh well. We tried.
And then he gave Tierra THE FIRST ROSE. WHAT?! Come on! It’s official. She’s THE ONE this season. Jake Pavelko and Ben Flajnik (had to look that up) would both pick her in the end just to drive us all crazy, but I have faith in Sean that he will not do that to us with this Tierra-Sat-On-A-Wall-And-Had-A-Great-Fall-Chick.
Two girls were sent home.
And that wrapped it up.
The previews showed a bunch of Tierra drama next week along with some roller derby injuries.
I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to it!