Before I begin, can I just say that while watching the Real Housewives of New York City, my picture kept going out??? I could hear what was happening, but not see it? I’m telling you, that must have been the number one most stressful thing to happen to me all summer. My word. It was agonizing.
Let’s get on with it, shall we?
Arie gets the first one-on-one. Did anyone notice how oily his skin was? What was up with that? I was also not a fan of the elbow patches. I’ll give it to him, though, considering he did not wear the girly tank that Ryan wore last week.
That whole one-on-one date sequence was hilarious to me. Chris Harrison was popping in and out to give us the low down in the “interest of full disclosure”. I loved it. We got to watch Emily discuss with Kassie, aka Arie’s “romantic fling” from years and years ago, how dumb she feels. And Kassie told her over and over that this whole sequence-and meeting Arie-and bringing it up right now was not a “thing”. It was not a thing! But last week when Emily asked for another rose — now THAT WAS a thing. But this? No. They would never do that for ratings. It’s The Bachelorette, for heaven’s sake!
All was well. Arie was forgiven. But that whole forgiving sequence was not video taped. Drat. I mean, really. Come on. Give a girl a bone! I use that expression because don’t you remember that Emily and Arie rubbed the dog for loyalty??? It made perfect sense to me. I rub my dog all the time and I’m the most loyal person I know.
Then we have fireworks. And kissing. You know. A typical night for me. How about you?
John Wolf got the next one-on-one. He told Emily he was cheated on. He couldn’t find his girlfriend for days. He was so worried that he called hospitals and prisons. PRISONS? What type of girlfriend was she? I think most people call friends and family . . . and maybe the occasional See’s Candy Shop . . .
After their date, we found out that Chris was upset. Like, a lot. He was going to explode. You could see the steam coming out of his ears. Maybe he’s really the wolf!
Meanwhile, Sean started searching for Emily and running around Prague. Then he found her. Cue music.
Sean wasn’t supposed to get a one-on-one, but then he got one because he chose to find her. Emily loved it.
Onto the Group Date.
Let’s be clear. Doug would rather be on a date with his eleven and a half year old son than Emily. And, people, that half year is huge. Austin is eleven AND A HALF and don’t you forget it!
Doug was weird. He didn’t want to touch her. Emily noticed his body language right away. When she FINALLY hinted at the fact that he was going home RIGHT THEN AND THERE, he interrupted her with a kiss. She thanked him — I mean, she is a southern belle from the back-woods-hood-rat section of West Virginia.
Well, it was too little, too late.
Awkward. Yeah. Uh huh. “Yeah,” Doug said a million times. He was blind sided. And then he cried in the van. It wasn’t pretty. It was awkward like I-was-at-a-public-pool-with-a-bunch-of-people-and-my-bathing-suit-had-inched-up-where-the sun-doesn’t-shine-and-I need-to-get-it-out awkward. I was squirming. It was that bad.
The group date became a two-on-one after that. Sean was relaxed. Cool. But, Chris was all wound up. So Sean got the rose. Chris was all kinds of upset. Was this his age coming through????????
Jef was the last one to get a one-on-one. They did a fun puppets thing. It was cute. I liked it. Call me crazy.
He professed his love for her in puppet language (of which I’m familiar and fluent) and asked if they could get a dog. It was actually quite cute. Until Emily said they could get a cat instead.
Rose ceremony—Chris was freaking out. He knew he behaved badly. He was on the verge of tears. I could feel it. Plus, one tear may have splashed on me. And he needed the chance to talk to Emily. He was COUNTING on it.
BUT THEN! DUN DUN DUN! Emily told Chris Harrison no cocktails!!!!
Chris started crying. Waa. Waa. Waa.
After Emily gave roses to Jef and Arie, Chris made a last ditch effort and asked to speak to Emily, all while he had a coronary right in front of her.
All the other guys exclaimed that this was “intense”. That’s guy drama for you.
After much silence, and ominous piano music, and Emily’s confused looks, she finally gave the rose to
Kiss *ss Chris. Did he change her mind? Was this her plan the whole time? Will we never know? To quote the guys, it was too intense for me!
Chris was over the moon happy. Thrilled happy. Dancing around happy. I think he will be happy for a maximum of one week. And then Emily will cut him.
The scary piano music went on for awhile. Anyone else notice that?
John Wolf was shocked. No tears, though. Although, when I went to bed, I thought I heard some howling.
Next week, Emily appears to be losing it. She has definitely held herself in check up until this point so I give her some props.
In the meantime, I’m off to the periodontist to see a guy about a root situation. And I’m not happy about it. AT ALL. It’s just a consultation, but STILL. Either way you look at it, I have to get dressed. And go somewhere besides lunch with a friend.
Look away – I may start to cry like Doug.
Haha! I love your dramatic play by play of the Bachelorette. I thought the puppets were super cute too. Good luck at the periodontist!
I love reading your Talk About it Tuesday posts. I picked up on the same thing about John stating he checked the prisons. I even said something to my husband about it. My husband typically does something else while I watch the show, but he sat through it last night. That creepy music at the end was not necessary. Praying for you at the periodontist!
This is so funny….I find myself watching the show and wondering what you will say about each situatin now. Hahahaha! Still think she is picking Arie.
I love the recap! And OMG I died too when Wolf said he called the prisons looking for her! hahaha
Apples and ABC's
All the time Sean was searching for Emily I kept thinking "Are you flipping kidding me?", and then she was out walking alone at night??? Who believes this stuff? I look forward to reading your thoughts on all these shenanigans on Tuesdays!
Mrs. Cupcake says
Gosh I love the RHO… all of them! 🙂
A Cupcake for the Teacher
Fluttering Through First Grade says
We're so glad we don't watch the real show anymore because your recaps wouldn't do it justice! Hope your roots are ok and sorry you had to get dressed. We know the feeling… 🙂
Christy & Tammy
Miss T says
Getting dressed is a drag! I even drive to the P.O (have a P.O. Box) dressed in sweats.
Journey of a Substitute Teacher
Prisons? Huh? Enough said.
Crying and men doesn't work for me. But I still can't. get. enough.
✰ Kimberley ✰
First in Maine
hahaha… an occasional See's Candy Shop. Love you! That would make more sense than a prison. Prison? Seriously? His last girl friend may have been much more of a hood-rat than Emily.
Ok I'm a huge anti Bachelor person. But I'm addicted to all things Real Housewives!!! I love LuAnn and Caroline!! Anytime you wanna talk housewives I'm your boy!
I liked Jef's date too (except when she mentioned a cat)! I cannot believe how many guys have cried this season!! It is driving me crazy! You really didn't miss much on the Housewives…I think New Jersey is so much more intense!
I don't even watch that dumb show, but I totally love your recap of the episode. Do you think you could do RHONJ? 🙂
Neither you, nor the show cease to entertain…LOL
Crisscross Applesauce in First Grade
Mrs. Egley says
I have to tell you that I love love love to read your posts – you make me laugh! I am a huge!!!! Bachelorette fan and I love the chemistry between Emily and Jef. Chris is a whiny baby that looks like Kermit the frog – he soooooo needs to GO HOME. Sad to see Doug leave – although he is not right for Emily but I do so hope that he finds someone to love!
ThinkWonder Teach says
I am with you crying men is a turn off. An I too thought it was strange she said a cat but no dog. I think Chris will go home next then Arie. I think the final two will be Jef and Sean. Jef is growing on me despite the hair. I love how he said he could get her pregnant yesterday like she wanted AND he remember Ricki's puppet.
Think, Wonder, & Teach
Honey Bunch Blog Design
Holy Funniness! I love reading Talk About It Tuesday!! Almost as much as watching the show myself! I am awarding you the Versatile Blog Award!
Check out my blog for details!
Kara Smith says
Thanks for a great blog as always! I hope your appointment goes well! I am deathly afraid of the dentist. So I totally get it!
What did Jef say to her on the floor of the library? Did anyone catch that? It was odd. Something like I want to date you so hard and marry the —– out of you? It was just weird. I love that the computer underlines Jef as if it is spelled wrong!
Nilima LM says
Simply, admirable what you have done here. It is fabulous to see you verbalize from the heart and your clarity on this significant subject can be easily seen. Fantastic post and will look forward to your incoming update.
Pre Primary Education In India – Little Millennium