Hi!
How are you? Like, REALLY and TRULY, how are you?
I’m done.
Not with school, not technically, but I’m mentally and emotionally done with just about everything.
I don’t want this to become a whiny post because I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing lately, but I am also always about keeping it real so I’m going to try to find some kind of a balance.
I know the last time I blogged was about how Zooms were going with my class (spoiler alert if you haven’t read the post — downhill fast!) and I think that was two weekends ago.
Because what do I have to blog about on a weekly basis? Other than we’re in a Pandemic, these are unprecedented times, remote learning, social distancing, quarantine, blah blah blah, what is there to blog about other than I can’t stand any of those words anymore.
Our last day of Distance Learning is this Friday and then I will be officially on Summer Vacation, and it can’t come fast enough.
It makes me feel so so so bad for this group of kids because it’s not their fault, and they missed out on so much, and it’s not like I’m at school trying to write out awards, work on pinks and blues, do report cards, put on a class play, get ready for Open House, go on our Field Trip, work on my slideshow, prep for Field Day, plan a class party, find gifts for parents volunteers, TEACH, and anything else that comes with the month of May . . . but I AM JUST SO TIRED.
WHY IS THAT?!
And, just to be clear, I am working on pinks and blues (this is what we call making classes for the following year), I am looking at report cards (which isn’t hard because our district rolled over T2 grades into T3, but I still need to look them over and adjust grades according to distance learning improvement) . . . I’m still giving out awards (just through the mail), I still finished my slideshow even though it abruptly ends on March 3 when we celebrated the 120th Day of school, I’m still doing a lot of the same things . . . it’s not like I just QUIT my TEACHING LIFE.
But it’s just so different! I don’t know!! It’s a different kind of tired. I wonder if it’s because I don’t have all of my teaching friends around me to talk to, to commiserate with in the doorway of a classroom, to walk to the lounge together while we chat about how stressed we are, if it’s because we aren’t in the classroom to look at the REAL LIVE CHILDREN reminding us that they are WORTH all of the end of the year activities, and we are going to miss them next year . . .
I mean I WISH I KNEW.
And don’t get me started on what school in August might look like. I can’t think too far ahead or I start to go into a black hole, and pretty much only prayer and junk food and wine can get me out of it. But mostly prayer! 🙂 My latest daily prayer is that the Lord will prepare me emotionally, mentally, and physically for school in August, however it is. It’s still two months away so I feel like time is on our side!
Maybe that’s crazy, but that’s what I mean by I’m trying to stay positive.
At the end of last year, I wrote THIS BLOG POST, and I just reread it, and it’s so strange because we aren’t getting any of that this year. There’s no REAL CLOSURE.
But DEEP BREATHS.
We’re teachers.
We’re flexible.
We adjust.
We rock!
We really do!
So that’s my attempt at a balanced blog post for you. Where I’m not really saying anything mind blowing or important or funny or anything at all, really, but just letting you know I’m still here, I get it, and we’re in this together.
I hope that you take this long weekend to rest, recharge, and eat some yummy food! I know that’s what I’ll be doing.
Our pinks and blues are now yellow, gotta love gender equality! I am tired, too. And yes, I am trying not to think of August, so much can change…but I still have school until June 19, sigh. We are lucky our report cards are credit, if they participated, no credit, if they didn’t. Took 5 minutes to do report cards, that I can appreciate this year!
I was talking to my sister about this the other night. It’s not the working from home so much, or the lunch room gathering I miss. Honestly, I sat by myself and read my book club book most days, LOL. My issue is the unrelenting SAMENESS. When I went back to school to get my CLAD credential so I could get out of the religious school track and into public school, one of the assignments for an education class was to interview two principals: my school principal and one other. I interviewed my uncle, who had retired after many years in education, about half of that as principal. When I asked him what he liked best about his job, he said it was that no two days were ever the same. That describes teaching exactly, too, don’t you think? Yet right now my days ARE all the same. I will say am learning all kinds of new technology and developing what my youngest brother would call “mad skills”. Plus I am curating resources that will make my curriculum rock when I get back in the classroom. The bright side for me is that I am learning to use amazing technology tricks, and I actually have time to evaluate resources to make sure they’re what I really need instead of pulling curriculum ideas together at the last minute. But I miss starting a new day and having no idea what that day will bring, be it crazy stories, cranky kids, or a pile of pictures and tons of hugs. I always tell people my “littles” (I teach Transitional Kindergarten) wear me out and keep me young, all at the same time. Being around them and constantly being amazed by them is what keeps me in this job, 32 years after I started as a preschool teacher. Learning to create great new Seesaw activities or finding awesome art activities for them to do at home that I’ll never see doesn’t come close. . So you are not the only one who hates this
You nailed it! I was having trouble putting my finger on what I was feeling, but the SAMENESS is the problem! I also have taught over 30 years and I think what drives us and what we thrive on is the challenge of the dynamics of an active classroom and that human connection. Making recorded lessons just feels flat and emotionless and since we finished last week, I feel relieved.
Can’t wait for the day I get to interact with those little minds – I learn as much from them as they learn from me!