Well, it’s not Five for Friday or Five for Fraturday.
It’s Five for Nothing.
Because I’ve got nothing.
In fact, I have done nothing for the past two days.
I had major oral surgery on Thursday and I’ve pretty much slept away the last two days.
Remember back when I discovered that I had osteoporosis? Well, it turns out I also have significant bone loss in my teeth, as well. Which is not good, considering you need bone and roots to hold your teeth inside your head. So after a minor freak out, (meaning tears in yet another dentist’s office) I was referred to an amazing oral surgeon.
And . . . BONUS . . . this oral surgeon guy is extremely handsome. Like, movie star handsome. I can’t form sentences when I am around him. Which is okay because mostly I’m just trying not to cry when I’m around him. When we first met with him, Steve said, “I had no idea this guy would be on the cover of People’s Most Beautiful Oral Surgeon Edition.” And then he said something along the lines of there’s no way you’re going to be alone with him when he puts you under or some other macho husband thing to say when the oral surgeon putting you under looks like the oral surgeon I have.
Anywho, my oral surgeon said he would be taking bone from my jaw and grafting it to other sites and that I needed to take at least an entire week off of school.
I said, What? Why?
He said, Well, unless you want to scare your first graders . . .
I immediately thought two things:
1. Awwww! He remembered what grade I teach!! (like a schoolgirl with a crush except that I am happily married)
2. NO! NO NO NO! A WEEK?!
I said, Scare my first graders? What do you mean?
He said, You will be in a lot of pain and have swelling and bruising and maybe black eyes. You will feel like I hit you over the head with a brick. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it.
Oh. Well. I guess not. Let’s not sugarcoat it. Geesh. Give it to me straight is what I always say.
So I said, indignantly, Well, I can’t take off more than four days in a row without a doctor’s note!!!
To which he replied, Kristin, I am a doctor.
Again, I thought two things.
1. He knows my name!!
2. Note to self: oral surgeons are doctors. Oops.
So here I am.
I look like a chipmunk. Or half a chipmunk. I am sore and swollen and starting to bruise on one side. Advil and ice packs are my best friends at the moment, along with sleep.
I tried to take some sort of narcotic (prescribed, not from the black market, don’t worry) and I only took half, but I hated the way it made me feel so I told Steve no more. No more, I mumbled. Because I can’t actually talk.
Really. They said talk as little as possible and don’t smile.
I said inside my head YOU ARE TORTURING ME! LITERALLY!
Meanwhile, Kerry said her husband might sign her up for this surgery . . . we’re big talkers in my family.
I am on a liquid diet which is actually okay right now because I’m not hungry. I am just drinking some sort of Odwalla Protein shake that tastes a lot like chocolate milk, but somehow fills me up.
I know. I’m not hungry.
This is really serious, guys.
I am off all this coming week and can’t believe it. I have never done anything like this ever in my entire career. I have about one hundred sick days saved up and I don’t know exactly why I have been saving them, but it certainly wasn’t for this.
Luckily, I have a friend who is subbing for me for all seven school days . . . and she didn’t make me write plans so that was a huge blessing. And the parents in my class have been so supportive and sweet.
I hate missing out on anything. I’m the type of person who hides books from subs because I want to be the one to read them to my kids. I rearrange lessons for subs so that I can teach the fun stuff and they have to teach the . . . well, the whatever stuff.
So this is going to be a long week.
In any case, I’m managing the pain pretty well, I think. I like to think of myself as a tough chick.
I want to call my oral surgeon (not like I’m looking for an excuse or anything!) and say, You hit me over the head with a brick? Really? Is that all you got, pretty boy?!
PS It took me about four tries to write this whole post because even though I’m a tough chick, I feel a little woozy. Not gonna lie.
😉 <<<—- See the way that face looks? Now you can picture mine in real life.