No Matter What – Follow Up

This is a follow up to the post No Matter What . . . if you haven’t read that post yet, you should go read it to put things into perspective. 😊

We just went on Thanksgiving Break. I have the whole week off and I’ve been so ready. I am ready to spend time with family and friends, rest, and recharge for the craziness that school in December brings.

After a long, hard week in which I taught EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. ALL. DAY. LONG (seriously – not one meeting or training or anything which has been the story of my life lately), I am more than ready for this break.

My little one, the little girl I told you all about in the first post, was extra rough this week.

We take three steps forward in her behavior and usually two steps back. I had to send her out TWICE to a teammate’s classroom for a time out because if her looks could kill, I’d be deader than a doornail.

I’m talking DEAD DEAD DEAD.

She does not know the meaning of backing down. She just will NOT back down in any situation whatsoever at all. Or even meet me half-way. Here is just one example so you’ll get what I’m talking about.

We were reading a book in reading groups one day this week, and she made a couple of errors, and I wanted to help her.

I mean . . . it’s kind of my job. It’s sort of the reason I got into teaching.

Shoulder shrug.

I said something along the lines of if you turn back one page, it will help you make sense of this word – remember how it’s a good strategy to look back in the text? and then, without thinking at all, because, like I said, I was trying to help and teach her, I attempted to turn the page in her book.

I just casually tried to turn the page in her book.

And do you know what she did?

She pressed her little hands down onto the page as hard as she could, and would not allow it to happen.

And it’s not like I was going to wrestle that book out of her hands although you know I wanted to with every single fiber of my being.

Anyways, that’s just one example. A minor example. A teeny tiny example to give you a glimpse of my little one.

Another glimpse is that she knows words no six year old little girl or boy should know. She also knows gestures she shouldn’t know. 💔

Well, yesterday, this little girl was CLINGY. She runs hot and cold so sometimes I get hugs and sometimes I get death stares. I just never know what I’m going to get, and try to stay consistent in MY OWN behavior which is sometimes easier said than done if I’m being completely honest with you.

She was CLINGY, and got EXTRA clingy as the day went on.

She hugged me on and off throughout the day, sometimes just leaning into me.

Our Show and Tell topic this week was Something You are Thankful For. Most students brought pictures of their families, a couple of kids brought a toy, and several didn’t bring anything at all, and just spoke about what they were thankful for (which I was totally okay with). My little tough student forgot to bring anything on her sharing day.

I have make-up sharing on Fridays for anyone who was absent or forgot on their assigned day so I asked her if she remembered, and she said yes, she was ready to share.

She shared about ME.

ME!

😭

She said she was thankful for me, and her three reasons were that I am nice, read good books, and make her laugh.

I mean – even with all of the behaviors, I think I’ve actually captured her heart. It floored me.

I can’t even.

Even now. I just can’t.

During the last hour of the day, she came over to hug me and she said “I love you the most, Mrs. Oldham.”

😭

I said “I love you the most!” around a big ole lump in my throat.

And then I started wondering what her week long break was going to be like for her . . . her home life is not the best, although it’s not the worst . . . but I don’t know!! I just don’t know what her week will be like!

Well, as Fun Friday got underway, she continued to come give me hugs. And, later, when I said we had five minutes left of Fun Friday, she came over to me and said “I won’t see you for a whole week.”

I told her I would miss her and she said she’d miss me, too.

Honestly, I didn’t even know what to say to make her feel better! My heart was starting to break and my week-long vacation that I had been looking forward to was now this weight on my chest, and I felt totally helpless!

Then it was dismissal and I always dismiss bus riders first to get to the bus lines. She happens to be a bus rider so she gave me a really long hug goodbye, and we told each other we loved each other AGAIN, and off she went.

Until she ran back into the classroom.

You guys.

She ran back into the classroom CRYING.

She hugged me again, burying her face into my stomach, crying.

I’m telling you, I am dying over this.

I cannot stop thinking about it.

I keep praying for her and I just feel so so so lost.

I am lost.

I had been looking forward to this break, and now I feel like I just need to see her on Monday.

Is this crazy or what?!

Teaching is hard.

It’s just so so so hard.

What we do is hard.

I know there are so many bright spots and I need to focus on all the good, but right now, I am just here to tell you that I can’t stop thinking about a six year old.

I just can’t.

And so I needed you to know.

Because you all help me and writing it down helps me.

And we’re in this together.

And that is all.