Hooray! It’s THE WOMEN TELL ALL!! I love the women tell all or the men tell all or the after show or anything that involves rehashing everything we already saw so that we can just talk some more about it.
Rehashing is something I absolutely love to do.
Just like a dog with a bone.
Except I’m a girl with a reality TV show.
So let’s get on with it, shall we?
Harrison started out the show with his usual Let’s Crash Bachelor Nation Viewing Parties and there were screams and shouts and food and a lot of MEN which was kind of surprising. Steve won’t watch it with me EVER.
One of the viewing parties had a bunch of people in their pajamas which you know I LOVED. Yes, please.
Next was a little recap of some of the girls who brought a lot of drama to the show — for example, Lace, Jubilee, Leah, and Olivia.
Harrison started off with Leah — if you don’t remember her, she’s the girl who threw Lauren under the bus. Leah defended herself by saying that she didn’t intentionally lie, she just didn’t feel that her conversation with Ben needed to be public.
I am super tall and I am down-right lying about that fact because I just don’t feel the truth should be made public. Is that how that works? Am I doing it right?
Next was Jubilee. The girls are not her fans, let me tell you, and several were offended by different things she had said throughout the season. She admitted that she was a confrontational person who said controversial things and ended up apologizing to a few of the girls.
Harrison had her come up and sit in the hot seat. He told Jubilee that Ben talked to him a lot about her . . . and that Ben really liked her. And that he really wanted to get to know her.
And let me just say . . . Harrison really seemed to like Jubilee, as well. I don’t know. It felt as if Harrison was being a therapist and trying to psychoanalyze her! He wanted her to know that a guy LIKE BEN saw her and got her! And then the audience clapped so maybe Jubilee redeemed herself a bit. Especially because she’s still in the service and just made sargeant and Harrison thanked her for her service. So there’s that. And I think now that Harrison showed everyone he likes her, we are all supposed to like her, too! And you know me — I can’t really make a decision to save my life, so, okay, fine, Jubilee is nice. I guess I like her, CHRIS HARRISON, thank you very much.
Next in the hot seat was Lace.
Lace has tried to change since seeing herself on the show . . . she watches her facial expressions now, and she tries really hard to be a good listener and not interrupt people. These are things I happen to be working on, too.
Then a cameraman told Lace that he thought she was crazy beautiful and he didn’t want to scare her, but HE HAD A TATTOO OF HER FACE ON HIS SIDE. A tattoo. Those are permanent, people. Unless you get laser treatment. And I heard that’s expensive and that it hurts. (Can you tell I want a tattoo, but I’ve talked myself out of it?) I guess this cameraman has fallen in love with Lace. ????
Harrison asked Lace to be on Bachelor in Paradise and she said yes.
Of course. Because people who can’t handle the stress of The Bachelor can surely handle the stress of Bachelor in Paradise, right? I mean, it’s in PARADISE, so what could go wrong?
Olivia was next — FINALLY!!! This is what I was waiting for when I said I like to rehash things.
And I’m telling you right now — Harrison can’t change my mind. Not a bit. Nope.
Olivia was emotional because, thinking back, Ben made her really happy. And it was a really good time and when it was good, it felt really good. But the lows . . . well, they were hard for her to watch.
Olivia said she apologized for the Teen Mom thing and that it was insensitive of her. But she felt that the girls were talking behind her back, rather than going straight to her and saying it to her face.
The twins took umbrage with that and said they DID confront her and more than once. And one twin said like that time I was wearing a low-cut romper because . . . well, I can, and I looked good in it . . . you said you were trying to be wife-y material and that I basically looked like a slut.
Which was kind of funny.
But then they used the BULLYING word.
To which Leah said but you turned around and did the exact same thing to Olivia!
And the twins said THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT!
Which is hilarious. And basically sounds like my classroom on a daily basis. But she did it first!
Olivia said that the show did not jive with her personality. That she is an introvert and couldn’t get to know the other girls.
So then Olivia said she was severely bullied as a child. Severely. And for the girls to make fun of her breath and her toes . . . hurt. It hurt a lot.
The last few months have been really hard for Olivia, and her sister had to take over her social media accounts because it’s been bad. I can only imagine. Sometimes people get keyboard courage and fly off the handle . . . or tell people that they should this-or-that . . . or I don’t know. I’ve said a few things on my posts about Olivia, but I’m just trying to be funny! Really! I don’t want to ruin the poor girl’s life.
Thanks, Harrison. Now I feel sorry for the girl!
How does Harrison do that?
Caila was next.
She is still sad and struggling with the fact that Ben doesn’t love her. And she misses him. But she said it’s been good to see Ben with Lauren and Jojo because she wants someone to look at her that way. She’s sad. That’s really all there is to that.
Ben came out next.
He was NERVOUS.
That gave Caila a chance to talk to him and there was just a bunch of talk. I don’t know. Blah blah blah. He doesn’t love her. There’s nothing she can do! And there is nothing she didn’t do! It’s called heartbreak.
Leah said Why did you tell Lauren what I said about her? Because you made me choose whether or not I was going to lie and keep our conversation private or tell her the truth!
And Ben, good ole Ben, who really almost never does anything wrong except tell two women that he loves them practically on the same day, said I never told Lauren that YOU said it, I didn’t name names, and once you were confronted with it, it was up to you what you were going to do.
Basically, in a nutshell, THAT’S ON YOU, LEAH. HONEY. SWEETIE. YOU BIG OLE LIAR. LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.
Jubilee spoke to him about the fact that he wanted her to open up so much, but in watching the show Ben has said that Caila’s layers and the fact that she was kind of holding things back were attractive to him. Ben didn’t really have a good answer for that one, but in the end Jubilee just wanted Ben to take part of the blame for their break-up.
So he did.
Amanda told Ben that watching the show and seeing how upset he was after their break-up meant a lot to her. And that he would be a good husband and a good dad – and that women everywhere melted when they saw him playing with her girls on the beach. She wished him all the best.
Amanda is just too sweet. I can’t even.
Becca said that no matter what happens, Ben has proven to her that GUYS LIKE HIM DO EXIST.
Then there were some bloopers and Harrison made Ben identify which twin was which (he got it right) and then it was over.
It actually wasn’t that good. Not really.
I think it could have been a lot better.
Oh, before I forget, Sheila the Chicken was also in attendance. But not the pony.
And that’s it.
Next week looks really good with a lot of drama, but you never know!
I’m thinking a Spin Off could happen called “Ben and My Two Wives” or something a little catchier that I can’t think of right now.
Until next week!