It’s back. Almost all of you that commented said for me to continue Talking About It on Tuesdays with the exception of a couple who said they like my blog but scroll past these posts.
I get that. My own mother does that.
At any rate, let’s start TALKING!
Oh My Word.
The Bachelor was on for THREE HOURS last night.
THREE HOURS.
This will be a long post and it’s not my fault.
First and foremost, I would like to say that I do not consider myself a part of Bachelor Nation. I think of myself as more of a Bachelor Nation Is Way Too Young Of A Crowd For Me And So I Just Watch Because I’m Too Tired To Change The Channel type of person.
And I was not at a viewing party unless you count my wine, See’s candy, pjs, pillow, blanket, and Murphie a party. And, let’s face it, you all know I count that as a party.
I do have to say that Prince Farming (I wish I could have come up with that nickname on my own because that is pure genius) is way cuter than I remembered.
He is normal. His family is normal.
But he is a farmer. In a small town. In Iowa. So these girls better be ready to move to Podunk City. And hear phrases such as these:
Love is like planting a seed.
And watering it.
Harvest.
And watching it grow.
Harvest.
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.
Literally and figuratively.
Harvest.
Harvest.
Harvest.
So, for the first time that I can know of, there was about an hour of a Red Carpet Extravaganza before the actual premiere. It was kind of annoying because mainly, they were acting like it was the Oscars. Or the Golden Globes. But, really, it was just a bunch of former bachelors and bachelorettes walking the red carpet while frantic fans of the show stood on the sidelines cheering for . . . well, former bachelors and bachelorettes.
I mean, people, there was a count down clock to the arrival of the first limo. As if it was New Year’s Eve or something.
I can’t make this stuff up.
There were quick interviews with Sean and Catherine, Marcus and Lacie, Josh (yummy!) and Andi, Nikki (who is no longer together with Juan Pablo but I already knew this because I’d like to humbly admit that I stay up on current events) and Nikki’s interview basically went like this and it went on and on and on:
We’re two different people.
At the end of the day.
Like.
We’re two different people.
Like.
At the end of the day.
They introduced some of the current bachelorettes . . . and here are just a few in a nutshell.
Hug Girl gives hugs. She’s like a Care Bear.
Weight Lifting Anchor Woman scared me.
Ballerina Teacher should not be teaching little kids.
Fertility Nurse had a squeaky voice but seemed sweet.
Guidance Counselor/Widow – well, that was just sad.
And, then, finally, it was time for Chris to meet the women.
But not really.
First, they showed Chris going to LA, getting fitted for suits, riding around on his motorcycle, walking through the city, walking through the Bachelor house, taking an outdoor shower, and then saying harvest about forty-two more times.
Then, after a few I can’t believe this is happening, this is crazy, I can’t believe this is my life and another freaking commercial, the first limo finally showed up.
It was a good thing I only had three pieces of See’s candy left or I may have eaten an entire box while waiting for the good stuff to finally air.
Hug Girl got out of the limo and hugged and hugged and hugged and hugged Chris and practically burst into tears, but managed to hold it in.
The next few girls were actually very normal with no gimmicks. It was quite refreshing, I must say. And Chris seemed to handle the situation very well, too.
But then Reagan, pronounced REEgan with a long e, who donates tissues for a job, as in actual human tissue and not tissue paper for art projects had one of those medical ice chests and showed him a fake heart. It was odd. It might have been better if she had made the heart out of tissue paper like a Valentine card. That’s what I would have done if I had gone the route of something gimmick-y and my job was to donate human tissue.
There was a cowgirl who dressed up twice (first as a cowgirl in shorts, and then again in a cocktail dress) and Ballerina Teacher didn’t actually meet him because she wanted him to have a Secret Admirer, and then there was the chick who said a very inappropriate joke that left Chris and me speechless. I mean, we were dumbfounded.
After fifteen girls checked in, Chris Harrison said that he could go in and meet the girls.
Inappropriate Joke Girl told another inappropriate joke about a walrus and a seal. Which are two very cute sea animals and have no business being in an inappropriate joke and my ears might have bled. After I got the joke. Because I’m naive. So it took a second.
Britt (Hug Girl) and Chris had a great connection while the rest of the girls obsessed over the fact that only fifteen girls were there and surely more are coming and where are the rest of the girls and there are usually twenty-five girls and there should be two more limos with five girls each and let’s keep doing math so we look smart.
The Secret Admirer Girl Who Is Actually Scary Ballerina Teacher (Amanda) finally made herself known and, man alive, does she have BIG eyes! She felt it was important to make EYE contact with Chris and the music was not helping the situation because they edited it in such a way that she looked completely crazy with her GIGANTIC EYES.
CUH-RAZY.
Then the other limos showed up.
This means the girls’ math was correct. Goody for them.
The original girls were getting very upset about all of the new girls showing up. They felt intimidated and angry and upset.
The new girls showed up with props. Such as a motorcycle, whiskey shots, pig noses, seat belts, posters, pink karaoke machines, and short short short dresses.
Then there was more math. Seventeen, eighteen, twenty, twenty-two . . . wait. Is that another limo?! NOOOOO. (This was what the girls were saying. I was saying Good job, ABC, well done, this is great drama.)
In the last limo, a fourth grade teacher read a letter from a student in her class which was actually kind of cute. But, what Hadar and I would like to know is how does a teacher leave her class in the middle of the year to go on The Bachelor? I mean, really. How? Is it a leave of absence? Do they quit? How does it work!?
Not that I’m planning on going on The Bachelor. I mean, as you know, I’m happily married. I’m just curious. I may be contacted to become a Bachelor historian or consultant or writer or something. You just never know. I want to be prepared in case ABC calls me.
In all, there were 30 ladies.
Surprisingly, Chris liked Inappropriate Joke Girl when they had some one on one time.
Then the girls proceeded to interrupt each other’s one on one times for the rest of the episode.
There was a weird Onion Girl who seemed to be living in her own world and seeing things we couldn’t really see, and Cowboy girl got really drunk . . . and then Chris gave Britt (that’s the Hug Girl) the first impression rose.
And he even kissed her! Right then!
I like her (for now) and I think they’re really cute together (for now) and wouldn’t it be weird if that’s who he ended up with? I feel like there was another bachelor that ended up with his first impression rose girl but it’s escaping me at the moment. Don’t tell ABC I’m mixing up my seasons or maybe they won’t contact me.
In the studio audience, Chris Harrison asked everyone’s thoughts about Britt . . . and everyone really liked her. Until Michelle Money said she heard a rumor that Britt doesn’t shower.
Because that’s normal. And a rumor that’s typically circulated. And I’m almost one hundred percent positive that Michelle Money was joking. Her timing was just off.
Next, it was time for the Rose Ceremony.
Tara, aka the Drunk Girl, was about to keel over and/or throw up on someone. It was a little nerve wracking. I would not have wanted to be standing next to her. She was stumbling, giggling, warming her hands, hugging herself – you know, everything I do when I open up a new carton of ice cream or a box of donuts – and Chris excused himself.
Turns out, he was going to pick Tara but then he started wavering because she was drunk.
AND THEN HE DID GIVE HER A ROSE!
Insert BIG EYED EMOJI here. Not to be confused with Big Eyed Ballerina Girl.
Because Big Eyed Ballerina Girl did not receive a rose.
Crazy Onion Girl did, though, which just furthers my belief that ABC gets to pick a percentage of the girls and the bachelor doesn’t have all the say.
I mean, REALLY. Right?
Kimberley, a yoga instructor that we never really got to meet, did not get a rose, cried about it, and then went back into the house to get Chris.
But we have to wait until next week to find out what’s going to happen because that’s how the first never-going-to-end episode finally ended.
The previews for this season showed a lot of crying. And by crying, I mean hyperventilating, sitting on curbs, and lying down with oxygen type of crying. And that was just one girl that I could see.
There also appears to be a scene with a tent and a girl and Chris and a lot of apologizing and I don’t trust you stuff going on . . .
So hold onto your dignity because I think it just might live up to being THE MOST DRAMATIC SEASON EVER.
Or maybe not.
One can never tell until one sees more. Look! More numbers! Whoever said I don’t blog about enough teaching stuff was way off the mark, if you ask me.
What did you think of the episode that lasted forever and a day?
HAAHAhA!! I was SO happy to see that you had this posted already!! I can't even with last night's episode! And it's always so hard for me to tell the girls apart because I may or may not be playing on my phone while watching so I always miss their name/age and then I'm just confused. I liked Tara when she was dressed like a cowgirl! But then she just got drunk and annoying. All in all, I think Chris is really sweet, but I'm afraid he's going to get a tractor ran over him. So did only 3 girls go home?!!
I want to see if he keeps the girl who came back in at the end!!!!! I'm thinking he will, but I don't know! Looks like we will have to wait another week to see. I also like him and Britt for now. Looks like it is going to be "The most DRAMATIC Bachelor season EVER!" Oh and I will totally admit that I recorded Jimmy Kimmel last night so that I could see the interview with Chris!
OMG…I watched the three hours too–and yawned the whole day today—eeek!
I like Britt and Kelsey! As for hysterical moment—onion/pomegranate girl–I agree really? WHY did she get chosen–such an odd ball.
Also drunk girl and inappropriate joke girl–I didn't get why he chose those two either!!
Some of the dresses were a bit too much—-the see through white mini dress—what was that about?
I watched the preview for the whole show and it looks like Chris has girls crying a river—and maybe gets his handsome good guy image changed to not so sweet guy anymore. I hope this doesn't happen but I can't wait to see!!
Thanks for doing this Bachelor blog post!
-Lovely Nina
http://lovelyninadesigns.blogspot.com
I have seriously looked forward to reading this all day! Your recaps are always so spot on! There sure were some interesting ladies last night, but Britt is my favorite! Their first kiss seemed so magical, but most likely could have been the way ABC edited it… Thanks for continuing your "talk about it Tuesdays!"
As soon as I came home I hopped on this here computer to read your take- ditto on the whole red carpet thing. I was truly annoyed by it, except for yet another great math moment by Marcus' lady who said they were "80/40" on picking a date for their upcoming wedding… Did anyone else notice that onion girl did not really smile at all when she first met him- it was freakishling uncomfortable to watch (which made me love it even more). I have to admit; last season bored me to death (besides the ridiculously good looking Josh)… this season looks much more promising. So excited for Mondays again!
I noticed the "80/40" comment. Also saw the look that Marcus gave her. LOL
The 80/40 comment cracked me up! What the heck did she mean?!?
I believe she was poking fun at herself, referencing what she said on Bachelor In Paradise. Bad math jokes — funny. 🙂
ABC does know how to edit well. . .here let me edit your post. . .The Bachelor was on for THREE HOURS last night. So these girl better be ready to move. . . . Next, it was time for the rose ceremony. See how that works? LOL And I am with you on the fact that ABC HAS to be picking some of those girls, cause he must be crAzy to pick crAzy! Thank you for the laughs!
Thank you for posting this. I actually was taking notes all night long so that I could pick my top 4 next week. (It's something I do with my daughters just for fun!)
Kelsey, the counselor who's husband died is a cousin to our Assistant Superintendent. So we are watching her very closely. We don't know how far she makes it, but I think she's one of the more down to earth "normal" girls. She doesn't seem as dramatic or overly outrageous as some of the others.
Patty
I thought she was sweet too! I like her! 🙂
Soo…did you notice the time of day it was? Girls arrive at night, 3 hours later more ladies arrive, still night; rose ceremony, losers leave…daytime! How long did this party take?? Did you notice that??
I noticed!!! That has definitely never happened before…so weird right!!?
Yes!! I wonder how long they were all really together! But, really most did not look like they had been up all night so very confused?
Glad you decided to TAIT still! Everyone uses acronyms now for shows so I just thought….
Yeah, the whole red carpet thing…what WAS THAT? I was really annoyed by that and a live viewing. *major eye roll* but I still love the show. I like Britt I think, too but she just better not get OVER huggy. She's walking a fine line right now. I like Kelsey, too. And I thought the exact same thing about the teacher!! I actually said out loud "how can she leave her job mid year and what possible reason did she give and etc…" Rhonda, I also caught that!! It's not winter so it gets dark later in CA and then they leave in the morning???? Yikes!
Looking forward to your Talk About It Tuesdays again!!
Ok so what I'm wondering is did you notice that when they showed the girls who didn't get the rose leaving it was suddenly light outside!????? I think something is definitely off with their taping of that. I have never seen that on the Bachelor before. I love your posts!! My husband was also asking me how a teacher leaves her class in the middle of the school year and I kept telling him I HAVE NO IDEA!!!
Rachel W.
dailymrsw.blogspot.com
Can I just say that I was so excited all day to read this post?? I'm such a nerd.
Can I also just say that my husband watched the ENTIRE 3 hour premeire with me yesterday. The whole thing. All 3 hours. I was so excited thinking he liked it and how-fun-we'll-get-to-watch-this-season-together…. and then at the end of it, he let me know that I was very much mistaken haha. OOPS. I told him he should've let me know so he could've gone and done something else. That did not help, letmetellyou.
We had pretty much the same reactions to the episode!!
I was happy that all of my "picks" that I liked got a rose 😀
But seriously.. How did Onion Girl get a rose?! There's no way he picked her.
And, um, did you notice that a couple of the girls looked A LOT like Andi??
Miss Giraffe
I thought one of the girls looked a lot like Emily Maynard!
I watch this show 50% for the drama/comedy and 50% to read your posts! That's how I first discovered your blog you know… 😉
And the 3 hours was WAYYYY too long, even with me getting to skip through commercials.
I just wondered if the teacher was embarrassed to tell her little fourth graders why she was leaving…? Lauren
I didn't watch but always love your TAIT.
There was a girl that was one of the 25 on a local radio show a few years back and she said the party lasted FOREVER and they kept the alcohol flowing the entire time. She said it was a very long time to meet and greet and lasted well into the late night/early morning.
Insert laughing/crying emoji here!!
Can't wait for your recap next week!
Also, I feel lame for not keeping up with the whole Nikki and Juan Pablo gossip!! Isss okaaayyyy!
-Aris
I quite possibly only watch the bachelor so I can read your posts as I watch and giggle at the commentary you add to the show. Thanks for continuing this!
Dynelle
First Grade Fun with Mrs. Dunn
I love watching the show and then following it up with your blog posts! You need to start live tweeting the show with your commentary! I would definitely follow along during it! Also, can you believe Andi and Josh broke off their engagement?! So heartbroken! Looking forward to next week!
-Jayme
I just can't handle you. Like I feel like we need to be bbffs (bachelor best friends forever) because you write everything that I think every time. It's just the car wreck that you can't stop watching and you kind of don't want to because it makes you laugh and be happy that your idiocy isn't broadcasted on national television 🙂 Love your posts!
-Jackie