I have returned from San Francisco, otherwise known as The City Of Ice Cream I Must Have Every Day Due To All The Walking That I Did And My Calves Hurt From The Hills, I Think.
We had a great time and took a five hour city tour on Saturday which was actually more like six hours. Our tour guide was a British lady named Mama Vicki and our bus driver was Papa Carl. Mama Vicki was a crack up. I highly recommend her.
On Sunday, we went to Alcatraz. It was so interesting! I highly recommend seeing that, as well.
On Monday, we sat around and waited for our flight to leave because it was delayed and then delayed again and then possibly again. I don’t know. I was just people watching and following directions.
When I got home, I got right to work catching up on Big Brother, as well as the OC Housewives and The Bachelorette. Oh, and I kissed Murphie and my hubby, too. None of that is in any order. Ahem.
Andi and the six remaining boys headed to Brussels.
Marcus got the first one-on-one date . . . they walked around and ate a lot. They had mussels in Brussels. Hey. That rhymes. That’s about it. That was the most exciting thing – they ate food that rhymed with the city they were in.
Then they went to dinner and ate some more. But Marcus opened up and talked a lot about his dysfunctional family and his childhood. Andi showed her pouty lips and kissed him a lot.
It was about a twenty minute segment and seriously felt like it lasted foreverrrrrr. It was very vanilla to me. And seeing as how I have recently eaten two Sea Salt Caramel Hot Fudge Sundaes And Please Can You Add Chopped Nuts, vanilla is absolutely nothing.
Again, Andi used her term, “This is a MAN.”
I think it’s safe to say Andi wants a MAN. In capital letters.
When Marcus got back from his date, Nick did not want to hear one word about it. So he left. And he got in an elevator and he went to the hotel lobby and sauntered over to the front desk with his hands in his pockets like he was Mr. Joe Cool. But instead, he was Mr. Yuck Sick.
He lied and said he lost his key and forgot his room number and that it was under his wife’s name.
I am sure ABC set this up, otherwise where in the world is HOTEL SAFETY? There is nothing SAFE about this and all of the stalkers in all of the world are going to start doing this from now on. I am not pleased. This cannot be real. This does not happen in real life, otherwise everyone would be doing it and staying for free in the hotel room of the person who died of a heart attack because a STRANGER GOT A KEY FROM THE HOTEL LOBBY LADY AND WALKED RIGHT IN. Not pleased, I said.
Nick shocked Andi. She was surprised and happy about it. They went for a walk and then had a big make-out session.
Mr. Yuck Sick basically kissed her face right off.
I don’t know what my problem is with this guy but I have a problem. I don’t know. Someone help me identify this feeling. I mean I know the feeling of yuck, gross, you’re not cute, you give me the heebie jeebies, but I mean, WHY DO I NOT LIKE THIS GUY?
Her next one-on-one was with Josh. My mad crush. Andi wanted Josh to open up and was hoping this date would get him to do so.
They, too, walked around Brussels, but they got to see some cute ducks in a parade. Really. It was a duck parade. I want to write a children’s book about a duck parade. Maybe there already is one . . .
I usually like what Andi wears, but she wore some white pants on this date that were SKIN TIGHT. I’m not kidding. You could totally see the outline of her knee caps. And possibly a scar. I could never. Ever. But Andi did.
Then they went to have dinner in a castle. And Josh finally told her that he was falling in love with her. I think he blushed a little which was really cute. She said she had one more surprise for him outside and as they went to leave, he pulled her aside for another little make out session.
It was steamy. Hubba bubba.
The surprise was another little concert. Of course. It’s all about the concerts this season. So Josh and Andi danced and kissed and
lived happily ever after and that’s all.
The group date was next. Dylan, Brian, Nick, and Chris were the guys on the group date.
And I am happy to report that Dylan took his hair out of the ponytail that he was sporting in the hotel room. That was not a good look. Ick.
They went to the countryside and had to ride some weird contraption in which all the guys pedaled and Andi just sat like the pouty princess she is.
They made it to some sacred ground of a monastery that I don’t remember the name of, but it was important. As in, no kissing was allowed on those grounds.
But Andi pulled Chris aside to a pottery barn (not the Pottery Barn, although that would have been equally as good in my opinion. I mean, who doesn’t love to browse around in a Pottery Barn and then head to Ikea or Target to duplicate a look?) where they made some pottery. The pottery barn was off the sacred ground so Chris and Andi got a little close and kissed and acted like Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in Ghost.
Except there was no ghost.
Unless we count Nick because he just haunts me.
Andi told the guys that the one who received the group date rose would actually get a mini one-on-one and the other three would have to go home.
Dun dun dun.
Nick was acting smarter than the other guys and saying he knew this was going to happen and blah blah blah. He told Andi that he didn’t want to put words in her mouth, but he basically believes that she loves him and wants to marry him.
And then she gave the rose to him!!!! TO NICK!
The other guys went home (and they were very upset and sort of sore losers, but not really because they said if it had been anyone but Nick, they would have been fine with it) and hashed it out with Josh and Marcus. They all agreed Nick was there for the wrong reason.
Isn’t there always someone that no one likes, including all of America, and even though no one likes them, they end up in the final four, the final three, and then the final two, and we’re biting our nails waiting to see who comes out of the limo and we’re either cheering or screaming when they do?
I thought so.
Meanwhile, Nick and Andi just gushed all over each other and played word games and talked about the types of parents they would be and whatever else I couldn’t really understand because Nick talks with his teeth closed and that is all I know.
Then Nick went back to the hotel and the guys just tore into him. They don’t think he loves Andi, they think he talks more about strategy and the game rather than Andi, and bleep this and bleep that and bleepity bleep. Nick basically just sat there in his coat and scarf and looked like a turtle.
Next was the cocktail party where each guy did whatever they could to tell Andi in whatever way they could that they wanted her to meet their family.
Andi’s conversation with Chris — cute, sweet, they click.
Andi’s conversation with Dylan — awkward!
Andi’s conversation with Brian — INTERRUPTED BY NICK!!!!!!!
What in the world? Andi told Nick he was going to get a target on his back (because he already had a rose, the stupid nincompoop) and Nick whined about it to Andi that he already did have a target on his back.
During his interview, he cried. NICK CRIED! It was so . . . it was just so . . . I mean, I didn’t even get it for one second. He was laughing and cocky and weird and he was all by himself just talking to the camera. And then he CRIED. And then he didn’t wipe the tears away to ensure that we would see the tears. It was so . . . well, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was trying to ACT. Except he can’t. I mean it. He cannot act.
Maybe he really is a ghost?
Chris freaked out and went to grab her one more time and kissed her because he’d forgotten to do that earlier. Andi liked it. She actually said, “You go, Farmer!” which made me laugh and want to call my hubby Farmer.
So the rose ceremony was next and here’s who went home:
Poor Dylan. And poor Brian. I predicted Dylan, but poor normal Brian.
Dylan cried. So did Andi. Brain was just angry and then cried manly coach-type frustrated tears.
Next week: Hometown Dates with Josh, Nick, Marcus, and Chris.
So . . . what did you think? Do you like Nick? Or does he bother you, too?