Here we go!
Episode Number Five. It was just okay. I started getting a little bored by the end so the end of this post might be a bit rushed because I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Ben travels to Mexico City. He remarked that he couldn’t believe he was halfway through his journey and I can’t believe it, either. We’re halfway? Already?
When the girls arrived in Mexico City, they found out they were staying at the Four Seasons Hotel and so they ran around the hotel room(s) and screamed and shouted and were really happy.
Just once, I’d love it if ABC put these girls up at a Motel 6. Or maybe even a Holiday Inn. I think you get a continental breakfast at the Holiday Inn so I think that would be perfectly acceptable, and then ABC would have more money for helicopter rides and private concerts and convertibles and Neil Lane Diamond Rings. You can never have too many of those, don’t ya know.
Olivia started professing her love for Ben right away. She knows, without a doubt, people, that she is in love with him. Who would have doubts after only five weeks and a couple of group dates?
Not me. Nope.
Olivia was positive that no one else was receiving the validation that she was getting from Ben. Apparently, we are now calling Ben’s messages (sweet-nothings that Olivia makes up in her head) validations. She was sure – she felt it – that she would receive the first one-on-one date.
But alas, she didn’t.
She heard the voices in her head wrong. Because Amanda got the first one-on-one and, if you forgot, Olivia reminded all of us that Amanda has two children. But Olivia said the word children as if she was the witch in Hansel and Gretel. Or the witch in the Wizard of Oz. I’ll get you, my pretties! It was a bit unsettling.
Ben showed up at the hotel at 4:20 in the morning to pick up Amanda because he clearly wanted to see what these girls looked like without makeup (by the way, who knew if he would even recognize Olivia) but he said it was because that’s when his date with Amanda was starting. Uh huh. Sure, Ben.
The girls were laughing and freaking out . . . and Lauren H. (the kindergarten teacher) had to take out her retainer and he said he sleeps with a retainer, too. Ha! So then she did a little interview with the camera while wearing her retainer and now I love her very much and she is my favorite (but not for Ben, probably).
Here is how Amanda woke up.
She is so soft-spoken!!! She reminds me of Emily (Brad Womack and then Jeff). I wish I was soft-spoken. But I’m just not. In fact, it’s not uncommon for Steve or anyone else in my family to say we hear you, we’re right here, can you take it down just a notch? But I’m sorry. I get excited. Or I get mad. Or I’m telling a story. Or I can’t believe things. It can’t be helped and it might actually be an impairment of some sort.
So anywho . . . Amanda later told Ben all about her ex-husband. It sort of sounds like he was a cheater, although she didn’t come right out and say it. Amanda was concerned that people might think she didn’t try hard enough to stay married, but she did.
You could literally see Ben falling all over her. He can’t believe that some guy let Amanda walk out of his life. It’s so obvious that Ben wants to be her Knight in Shining Armor.
He gave her the rose. Of course.
The group date was next and there were nine girls. The girls thought they would be cooking, but first they had to take some Spanish lessons. Ben said he didn’t care who spoke the best Spanish – he just wanted to see who had the best attitude (again). He’s all about the girls’ attitudes. Which makes me feel like I have an attitude because easy for you to say, mister.
Jubilee was having none of it. NONE. She hates group dates and she hated that he was telling all of the girls (in Spanish because the teacher told him to) that he wanted to kiss them and/or was in love with them. Jubilee did not have a good attitude. And Ben could see it.
Olivia already knew a little Spanish so when the two of them had their exchange, she felt as if their chemistry was out of control. She lived in her little fantasy world for a long while during this part of the date. I won’t write it all down because you can just imagine her thinking that Ben is in love with her and only her.
Next, they had to cook in teams of two. Well . . . Olivia asked right away if Ben was going to be on a team (yes) so she
asked told him right away that she would be with him. This made all of the girls mad, especially Jubilee who thought that was entirely unfair and decided she should be on a team with Ben. Because that’s totally fair, right? In all fairness? It’s not fair for Olivia to be on his team so let’s make it fair and have Jubilee be on his team. Sounds logical to me.
I was yelling Play Rock, Paper, Scissors! or The chefs should pick a number between one and ten! or Eeny Meeny Miney Moe! It was like I was at school.
Especially when Olivia did what any first grader would do to win the argument: She played the ole I said it first card.
And, truthfully, she did.
So Ben and Olivia technically got some one-on-one time while they shopped for their ingredients . . . and she fed him crickets. It’s true. I don’t know what kind of grocery store this was, but she fed him crickets and he let her. Olivia attempted to look sexy while eating her crickets and I am here to tell you that it didn’t work. I must have zoned out a bit on this part because I honestly don’t know where the crickets came from or why they were there.
The twin (can’t think of her name) has said, and continues to say, that Olivia has horrible breath . . . and sure enough, Ben took Olivia to taste test some fresh mint. Hmm. I wonder.
When they went back to the kitchen, it was crowded and hot, and all the teams were cooking at the same time. Everyone was having fun, and taste testing, and smiling, and laughing, but Ben noticed that Jubilee was not having fun. Because she wasn’t. Not at all.
The chefs sat down to taste everyone’s food and they thought Olivia’s food looked like dog food. Not only that, she put crickets on top of it. WHY? Really. WHY?? Apparently, according to Olivia, people in Mexico City like to eat crickets. WHAT? Is that what I missed? WHO SAID THAT?
In the end, Jubilee’s food won.
At the let’s drink and steal Ben as much as we can from one another part of the date, guess who stole him first?
You’ll never guess.
Okay. You did.
I’m so sick of this girl that surely Ben must be, too. Give me a break. For the love of crickets, GIVE ME A BREAK FROM THIS GIRL.
But Ben leaned in to kiss her anyway. So there you go. I guess he’s not tired of her.
I kept a count of the kissing on this group date. SIX. Six that they showed. SIX! OUT OF NINE!
Jubilee just sat on a couch and stewed. She was angry. ANGRY. She is not used to being overshadowed.
Ben *finally* came to get her, and went to hold her hand, but she wouldn’t hold his hand. They had a little conversation, and I have to admit that Ben impressed me because he was honest with her.
He said when he left their one-on-one date, he thought that they had something they could build upon, but now he felt like he couldn’t say that with confidence anymore because she was pulling back.
Jubilee started back-pedaling like nobody’s business and asked him straight out if he thought they could continue. And he said no.
Just.like.that. She started to cry a teeny bit.
He walked her out and they hugged.
Then they showed Ben (alone) crying a little bit. I think he really liked her and was disappointed that she didn’t give it her all. I don’t know. Ben told the girls that he had to say goodbye to Jubilee, and he was visibly upset so Jojo took him aside to comfort him.
Comfort Him = Stick Her Tongue In His Mouth To Perk Him Up A Bit. Works every time.
Then, in a bizarre-weird-what-in-the-world? type of way, Ben gave the group date rose to Olivia.
UGH. I’m thinking maybe the fresh mint actually worked.
The next day was Lauren H.’s one-on-one date. Their date was all about fashion. It was Mexico City Fashion Week and while Lauren thought she was going to just be in the audience, she quickly learned she was going to be walking in it.
Ben and Lauren both did great and pulled it off. 🙂 I loved when Lauren said Holy Shoot right before she walked out.
At their dinner, Lauren opened up to Ben and he got to know her more, and was attracted to how sweet, vulnerable, and honest she is. He gave her the rose.
I feel like not a lot happened on the date so there’s not much to tell. Lauren is a nice, normal girl.
Finally, it was the Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony. The girls loved the location. But they were STILL really upset that Olivia got a rose because they want Ben to see what they see in Olivia! DON’T WE ALL?
And how – HOW IN THE WORLD – does this happen every single season?? There is always one girl who the bachelor loves, but that the girls hate, and we’re yelling at him to WAKE UP and DON’T PICK HER and ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The same is true of The Bachelorette. I DO NOT GET IT. Does ABC orchestrate this? Is there a question on the questionnaire that says something along the lines of “Do you have friends?” and a certain person actually circles NO and so ABC calls her to tell her that she has won a coveted spot on The Bachelor because she will be perfect in the role of the villain? IS THAT IT?
When Amanda was talking to the other girls about her childcare arrangements for her daughters while she is gone, Olivia said – OUT LOUD – “I feel like this is an episode of Teen Mom.”
The girls couldn’t believe it.
After the girls called her out on it, Olivia got teary eyed and fake apologized and said she would try harder.
Emily, the twin, decided to tell Ben. In a if you like Olivia, then maybe I’m not the girl for you kind of way. Emily cried and cried and said Olivia was a bully! A downright bully! Ben was a good listener through all of it.
Emily called her twin and cried some more. She was sad (her words!)! It was kind of funny — it was very dramatic and I didn’t really understand all the crying. What was with all the crying?
Olivia somehow knew that Emily was talking about her so she went to squash it.
Ben started questioning his feelings about Olivia. He was not happy that Olivia was causing Emily pain – he said it killed him to see her crying.
Ben started asking the girls questions and they all started spilling the beans . . . and Ben started worrying that he wasn’t getting the whole picture of Olivia. He felt nervous.
Chris Harrison came to start the rose ceremony, but Ben asked to speak to Olivia first. So then it was the whole can he take her rose away? Has a rose ever been taken away before? Well, there aren’t any rules, really, surely he can take her rose away?
And then the episode ended.
There is a TON of crying on next week’s episode. It appears as if Olivia is still with us, but they don’t show her to make it look like maybe she left.
So who knows?
BUT SHE HAS GOT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And that wraps up this episode!
Leave your thoughts in the comments!