Talk About It Tuesday

I’m apologizing in advance.

I have a bit of a Vegas jet lag thing going on.  I know I didn’t change time zones, but I stayed up way too late over the weekend and it’s affecting me, plus we had rain on a Monday.  It’s not my fault I’m not feeling myself.

Chris has three ladies left:  Kaitlyn (with a C or a K, does it really matter?  I think we all know she isn’t going to be the one), Becca, and Whitney.  They went to Bali.

I KNOW!  BALI!

Chris said it was so beautiful and that he could see himself going back there for his honeymoon.

Uh, no.  BIG FAT NO, Chris.  Because if I were the one he chose, and he took me back to Bali where he also spent time with two other girls, our honeymoon would be not be so honey.  The entire time, I would just be saying Did you go here with the other girls, too?  And did you eat this with the other girls, too?  And WHERE IN THE WORLD WERE YOU NOT WITH OTHER GIRLS BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE I WANT TO GO, YOU BIG DUMB IDIOT TAKING ME ON A HONEYMOON THAT WAS THE LOCATION OF DATES WITH OTHER GIRLS.


Not to mention, Chris said the fantasy suites were important because he needed to know if the physical intimacy was there.  Yeah, sure, buddy.  Uh huh.


Kaitlyn was up first and they went into a temple where they were not allowed to kiss.  We’ve seen this before.  

Been there, done that.

Then they went into a jungle where there were a million monkeys climbing all over Chris and peeing on him.  I think it was supposed to be cute and fun, but Kaitlyn was scared of how aggressive the monkeys were (as was I!).  These monkeys meant business and they liked their bananas.  

After the Attack of the Monkeys, Chris and Kaitlyn had a little make out session and all I could think was that Chris had Monkey Urine all over his shirt.

Later they went to dinner where Kaitlyn tried to be vulnerable in order to tell Chris how she was feeling.  But she didn’t get very far. But that was okay because they opened up the {DUN DUN DUN} Fantasy Suite card and, once there, Kaitlyn told him she was falling in love with him.

And THEN Chris said he was falling in love with her, too!

WAIT!  WHAT?

I did a quick rewind and sure enough, yep.  He told her he was falling in love with her, too.  Hmmm.  Is this new?  Or is this just a Prince Farming thing?  I thought every other bachelor before this would just nod their head and smile and maybe say thank you with a little smirk of gotcha where I want ya, now I’m gonna get ya, and, oh, by the way, you’re probably going home after this.  I was just checking the physical intimacy between us.  Seems good.  I just don’t like your personality.


Kaitlyn and Chris went to the Fantasy Suite and closed the curtains.

A-hem.

Next up was Whitney.  They went sailing on a boat that looked like a pirate ship.  They had a big long talk about Whitney’s sister and how she didn’t give her blessing to Chris.  Chris was not deterred.  He doesn’t need no stinking blessing.  He’s the bachelor, for goodness sake!

They jumped in the water.  We’ve seen this before, too.

Later at dinner, Chris talked to Whitney about how small Arlington is and how this would affect her career.  Whitney put his mind at ease and said she’s ready to leave her career and ready to start making babies!  That it’s not where you live but who you’re with.

They went to the Fantasy Suite next and did who knows what, just use your imagination, or don’t, I’m choosing to believe they stayed up late playing Checkers.

Becca was up next.  They visited some Bali farmland . . . they played with some kids . . . they met an old man who was this old soul of questions and answers (I’m sure he had an official title, but I didn’t catch it) and he told them to make love.

I’m convinced this old man is an actor and he was in on the whole thing.

This part of the episode was all about Becca’s  virginity.   I mean, they must have said the words virgin and virginity a thousand times.  

At dinner, Becca told Chris she was falling in love with him and he told her he was falling in love with her, too.  Which makes me think that this must have occurred between Whitney and Chris, as well, but I must have spaced out or not cared.  I’m chalking this up to this is a Prince Farming type of thing and not a normal Bachelor thing.

Can he really be falling in love with all three women?  

When the Fantasy Suite card came, Becca was confusing me and talking about temptation and . . . well, it almost seemed as if she might not wait until marriage which was weird.  Because surely she wouldn’t . . . not when he was dating two other people . . . but I didn’t get what she was saying.  AT ALL.  Surely, she wouldn’t!

And then I was worried Chris was just going to steal it!!!  It was a nail biter, let me tell you!

Chris was quiet and a good listener and waited her out . . . and when she *finally* told him that she was a virgin, he handled it well.  He said he respected her for it.  (I do, too!  Hang on to it, Becca!  Hang on!!)

I’m almost 100% positive Becca is still a virgin.  But what do I know?

The next morning, Chris was confused because, supposedly, Becca had some reservations . . . Chris didn’t think she was on board with moving to Arlington and making a life there.  Apparently, the other two ladies said they would move there immediately after the show, but Becca wanted reassurance first, and time to make sure their relationship would work before moving.  

Chris was very emotional, he didn’t want to make a mistake, and he wanted all three of them to meet his family.

Chris Harrison came for a chat and helped Chris hash it all out.  It was a lot of talk.  This and that.  The right one.  The right reasons.  Iowa.  Love.  I can see us together in the future.  Blah blah blah.  Clarity.  

It was a lot of talk.  Especially for a guy.  And it just went round and round.

Then they had the Rose Ceremony.  All three ladies came out wearing Bali inspired clothing and Chris was wearing a Karate or Tae Kwon Do or Pajama outfit, although I’m sure it was an authentic Bali type of outfit and I’ve got it all wrong.  

Before the ceremony officially began, Chris asked to see Becca.  Becca talked and talked about Arlington and how she felt and then Chris talked and talked about he felt . . . it was long.  

They rehashed what Chris and Chris Harrison had hashed out.  It was the rehashing of the hashing and it was killing me.  I was kind of getting bored.

Whitney and Kaitlyn were speculating about Chris and Becca’s conversation, and Kaitlyn felt happy that he might possibly be saying goodbye to Becca.  It meant Kaitlyn was going to get to meet his family.  She said she felt guilty for being happy because she knew Becca would be sad, but this was great news for her.

Until . . . Chris walked back in with Becca in tow.

DUN DUN DUN.

Then Kaitlyn and Whitney appeared to both have minor convulsions and trembling and looks of fear and tears on their faces.

Chris gave the first rose to Whitney  (I think he has given her the first rose the last few episodes – I should look it up but I can’t due to the whole Vegas jet lag thing) and he gave the second and last rose to . . . 

BECCA.

!!!!!!!

Kaitlyn looked super confused.  And then she looked all around and up in the air and from side to side . . . it was a different type of reaction.  I think she was trying not to cry and bobbing her head all around was helping with that.

I recently learned that if you’re trying not to cry, you should clear your throat.  It has something to do with something else and you can’t do both at the same time or something.   Try it.

Chris walked Kaitlyn out and apologized to her.  Kaitlyn just listened and choked back tears.  Meanwhile, Whitney and Becca looked on.

Kaitlyn got in the car and said she was humiliated.  She appeared angry that she had let herself be vulnerable because NOW LOOK!  NOW SHE’S HEARTBROKEN. 

I hear ya, Kaitlyn.  I do. 

Chris stayed back and cried his manly cry.

Next week is The Girls Tell All!!  I love The Girls Tell All!  Is it two hours usually?  I can’t wait!!