Hey people! We went to Chuy’s last night for a girl’s night with Kerry’s friends. SO FUN! It was about a four hour dinner and then we had to watch The Bachelorette. Obviously. I was up until 1:00am. Yes! Me! I am WILD and CRAZY.
I don’t know if this episode was worthy of us staying up so late. But whatever. A wild and crazy girl does not rationalize anything.
This week, Desiree and the boys went to Madeira, a tropical paradise.
The guys walked into their hotel suite, calling Hello! Hello? Hello! I didn’t get it at all – not one of them was talking on the telephone.
Then some girls from Sean’s season showed up, including Catherine. They were there to discuss how cute they all were. The girls. Not the guys.
You look so cute. You’re so cute! Ca-ute!
Then they used binoculars to look at the guys in the pool and they critiqued them and used yearbook captions such as “Most Athletic” and “Best Body” and “Best Eyes”. Then Catherine said something inappropriate and they had to bleep her and blur out her mouth so we couldn’t read her lips. Hmmmmmmm. I wonder what Sean will think of that?
Brooks, aka, Needs to Cut His Hair Boy, got the first one-on-one. They drove up to the top of a mountain on the island THROUGH THE CLOUDS.
In their words, this is how it was: It was cool. This is so cool. This is amazing. This is really pretty. This is incredible.
Des and Brooks decided they’re in between like and love. And then Brooks said, “I am in the clouds trying to figure it out.” And “We’re lost in the clouds.” And Desiree said, “We didn’t just break through the clouds — we had a break through in our relationship.” And they both said, “We’re on Cloud Nine!!!”
BLECK. GAG. Cheesy!!!!!! Brooks is a Hairy Cheeseball. And Desiree needs to come down from out of the clouds and CLEAR HER HEAD.
They went to dinner and Brooks said he was “emotionally behind” Desiree . . . as if HE is the catch and Desiree likes him better than he likes her. Which is just ridiculous. They talked about running and finish lines, but it was not about exercise, it was about love. And, basically, Desiree does not know the difference between adjectives and verbs because she said stepping, skipping, and running were adjectives. Yes! Really!
Who were her elementary teachers? Huh? They are going to want to
slap her silly sit her down for an intervention session STAT. RIT anyone?
The whole thing was really annoying to me. Desiree was so happy because Brooks WANTS Desiree to meet his family. Then fireworks magically appeared and Desiree said KISSING BROOKS was just LIKE FIREWORKS.
I was seriously sick. ILL. I coud not take another second of it. Luckily, the date ended. It was either that or I was going to have to actually get off the couch and locate the remote control.
Chris got the second one-on-one. They went on a boat out to an island. And Chris decided they should write a poem together and put it in a bottle. I feel like this has been done before or something like it . . . I don’t know. It looked like homework to me. I might have said, “Chris, this is too hard. I’m not in the mood. Let’s eat and drink, okay?”
Meanwhile, Kerry blurted out, “I think he’s going to go bald.”
And that, folks, is something for Desiree to take into consideration. They went to dinner later and Chris had to read another poem to Des, in order to tell her he loves her. It was long.
Like, really long.
But it rhymed so his kinder and first grade teachers did a nice job. Let’s all clap for Chris – no RTI necessary.
It ended with an “I love you” and then they kissed and kissed. GAH! I am either getting the flu or this stuff is just out of control gross this season.
Michael had the last one-on-one. They went into town to explore. Finally. Someone that is pretty cute and not so sappy.
Wait. Scratch that. They went on a wild tobaggon ride and Michael compared the wild ride to love.
OH MY GAG REFLEX.
But Michael seems sweet and genuine. He seems very ready to settle down. More mature than Brooks and Chris. They had a private concert with . . . well, not sure who the lady was or what she was singing because it was not in English. I’m sure it was “Why am IIIIIII on cammmmmeraaaa?”
Drew and Zak got the two on one. Desiree had one rose to give out, but that didn’t mean the other guy would be automatically sent home.
Zak and Drew had to race go-carts for a special prize from Des. I was rooting for Drew, but Zak won. Ho hum. Not exactly sure what the special prize was, either. I’m still waiting to find out.
Zak gave Desiree a sketchbook of their time together. He reminded all of us that he was shirtless on day one. No. No no no no no.
Drew just looked cute and smiled a lot. He told Desiree he had fallen in love with her and she whispered “I’ve fallen for you”.
She gave the rose to Drew. And Zak looked CRUSHED. And confused. And then he had to sit there and “Cheers!” with both Des and Drew.
Des had a long talk with Chris Harrison. Blah blah blah. She’s in love. She’s falling in love. RTI must have worked because she referred to stepping, skipping, and running as verbs at the end.
Rose Ceremony: She gave roses to Brooks, Chris, and ZAK!!!
Poor Michael. She sent him home. WAAAA. Michael was gracious and kind and sweet with his departure. It was refreshing. He cried in the car, though. And then he called his mommy. And that is NOT refreshing. That is . . . that is . . . well, it was just . . .
?????? Well, that’s a first. Oh my word.
And can I just say that last week’s preview was a BIG FAT LIE because nothing happened to Drew’s toenail? Or whatever the heck was wrong with Drew in those previews?
And that I must have watched it wrong (not humanly possible) and it must have been previews for the rest of the season . . . not just last night’s episode.
That’s the skinny.
What are your thoughts?
I read that this is the lowest ratings for The Bachelorette in five years. And that it’s not necessarily Desiree’s fault or the guys, but maybe a combination of both.
All I know is that it’s been a little annoying. But I am hanging in there. For all of us. You’re welcome.