Hey people! We went to Chuy’s last night for a girl’s night with Kerry’s friends. SO FUN! It was about a four hour dinner and then we had to watch The Bachelorette. Obviously. I was up until 1:00am. Yes! Me! I am WILD and CRAZY.
I don’t know if this episode was worthy of us staying up so late. But whatever. A wild and crazy girl does not rationalize anything.
This week, Desiree and the boys went to Madeira, a tropical paradise.
The guys walked into their hotel suite, calling Hello! Hello? Hello! I didn’t get it at all – not one of them was talking on the telephone.
Then some girls from Sean’s season showed up, including Catherine. They were there to discuss how cute they all were. The girls. Not the guys.
You look so cute. You’re so cute! Ca-ute!
Then they used binoculars to look at the guys in the pool and they critiqued them and used yearbook captions such as “Most Athletic” and “Best Body” and “Best Eyes”. Then Catherine said something inappropriate and they had to bleep her and blur out her mouth so we couldn’t read her lips. Hmmmmmmm. I wonder what Sean will think of that?
Brooks, aka, Needs to Cut His Hair Boy, got the first one-on-one. They drove up to the top of a mountain on the island THROUGH THE CLOUDS.
In their words, this is how it was: It was cool. This is so cool. This is amazing. This is really pretty. This is incredible.
Des and Brooks decided they’re in between like and love. And then Brooks said, “I am in the clouds trying to figure it out.” And “We’re lost in the clouds.” And Desiree said, “We didn’t just break through the clouds — we had a break through in our relationship.” And they both said, “We’re on Cloud Nine!!!”
BLECK. GAG. Cheesy!!!!!! Brooks is a Hairy Cheeseball. And Desiree needs to come down from out of the clouds and CLEAR HER HEAD.
They went to dinner and Brooks said he was “emotionally behind” Desiree . . . as if HE is the catch and Desiree likes him better than he likes her. Which is just ridiculous. They talked about running and finish lines, but it was not about exercise, it was about love. And, basically, Desiree does not know the difference between adjectives and verbs because she said stepping, skipping, and running were adjectives. Yes! Really!
Who were her elementary teachers? Huh? They are going to want to slap her silly sit her down for an intervention session STAT. RIT anyone?
The whole thing was really annoying to me. Desiree was so happy because Brooks WANTS Desiree to meet his family. Then fireworks magically appeared and Desiree said KISSING BROOKS was just LIKE FIREWORKS.
I was seriously sick. ILL. I coud not take another second of it. Luckily, the date ended. It was either that or I was going to have to actually get off the couch and locate the remote control.
Chris got the second one-on-one. They went on a boat out to an island. And Chris decided they should write a poem together and put it in a bottle. I feel like this has been done before or something like it . . . I don’t know. It looked like homework to me. I might have said, “Chris, this is too hard. I’m not in the mood. Let’s eat and drink, okay?”
Meanwhile, Kerry blurted out, “I think he’s going to go bald.”
And that, folks, is something for Desiree to take into consideration. They went to dinner later and Chris had to read another poem to Des, in order to tell her he loves her. It was long.
Like, really long.
But it rhymed so his kinder and first grade teachers did a nice job. Let’s all clap for Chris – no RTI necessary.
It ended with an “I love you” and then they kissed and kissed. GAH! I am either getting the flu or this stuff is just out of control gross this season.
Michael had the last one-on-one. They went into town to explore. Finally. Someone that is pretty cute and not so sappy.
Wait. Scratch that. They went on a wild tobaggon ride and Michael compared the wild ride to love.
OH MY GAG REFLEX.
But Michael seems sweet and genuine. He seems very ready to settle down. More mature than Brooks and Chris. They had a private concert with . . . well, not sure who the lady was or what she was singing because it was not in English. I’m sure it was “Why am IIIIIII on cammmmmeraaaa?”
Drew and Zak got the two on one. Desiree had one rose to give out, but that didn’t mean the other guy would be automatically sent home.
Zak and Drew had to race go-carts for a special prize from Des. I was rooting for Drew, but Zak won. Ho hum. Not exactly sure what the special prize was, either. I’m still waiting to find out.
Zak gave Desiree a sketchbook of their time together. He reminded all of us that he was shirtless on day one. No. No no no no no.
Drew just looked cute and smiled a lot. He told Desiree he had fallen in love with her and she whispered “I’ve fallen for you”.
She gave the rose to Drew. And Zak looked CRUSHED. And confused. And then he had to sit there and “Cheers!” with both Des and Drew.
Des had a long talk with Chris Harrison. Blah blah blah. She’s in love. She’s falling in love. RTI must have worked because she referred to stepping, skipping, and running as verbs at the end.
Rose Ceremony: She gave roses to Brooks, Chris, and ZAK!!!
Poor Michael. She sent him home. WAAAA. Michael was gracious and kind and sweet with his departure. It was refreshing. He cried in the car, though. And then he called his mommy. And that is NOT refreshing. That is . . . that is . . . well, it was just . . .
?????? Well, that’s a first. Oh my word.
And can I just say that last week’s preview was a BIG FAT LIE because nothing happened to Drew’s toenail? Or whatever the heck was wrong with Drew in those previews?
And that I must have watched it wrong (not humanly possible) and it must have been previews for the rest of the season . . . not just last night’s episode.
WHATEVER.
That’s the skinny.
What are your thoughts?
I read that this is the lowest ratings for The Bachelorette in five years. And that it’s not necessarily Desiree’s fault or the guys, but maybe a combination of both.
All I know is that it’s been a little annoying. But I am hanging in there. For all of us. You’re welcome.
I love how now when I watch the bachelorette I try to predict what you are going to critique in your recap. I totally nailed the adjective/ verb debacle. It's funny what we pick up on as teachers, LOL! But you missed Brooks' Mr. Rogers sweater. (You are probably too young to even know who Mr. Rogers is but he always wore old fashioned cardigans on his show.) Anywho… you were probably just fixated on how much you hate his hair. Thanks for sharing!
Meghan
First Grade Hugs and High Fives
I thought exactly the same thing about last week's previews! At the end of the show I thought to myself "The Teeny Tiny Teacher is going to be so disappointed" (like I was) and you didn't let me down! Where was all that drama? Come on ABC. Don't tease us with drama and then give us mushy stuff! I hope next week is better!
I'm thinking that Brooks thinks he's really pretty. Zac knows he's really pretty and Chris tries to be really pretty thru poetry. I'm not sure that I'd choose any of them. Can you imagine kissing (as in swapping spit) with that many men in one day/night? How would you like to be the 3rd or 4th guy she's kissed that day? Especially when she obviously hasn't brushed or mouthwashed between men? Is it just me?
I absolutely LOVE that you talk about the Bachelorette…I am an avid fan and have watched every single season including Bachelor! I agree this season is umm…annoying haha and I'm not even sure I have a favorite yet and I usually do. They are going to hometowns and it doesn't even seem it. LOVED your RTI comment..that was amazing. I am now a follower and can't wait til your next post!
Emily
Style Closet to Classroom
I love that I always have a place to come "Talk about It" sometimes my husband just isn't enough. Anyway… one thing that was weird about Brooks that I noticed this time around is that he keeps his eyes open a little bit when they kiss. This is not a good sign because it kinda makes it seem like he's not that into it. Then he made the comment that he's emotionally behind and I thought… that it all made sense now. By the way, you didn't talk to much about her chat with Chris Harrison at the end but she told Chris that she was at the finish line??? As in Brook's is the one she loves? I didn't see that coming. Anyway, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for Drew…mostly because that is who I would pick If I was the Bachelorette.
Thanks for always posting. I love your take on it and always look forward to your Tuesday posts.
Brooks needs a haircut so bad! I agree this whole season has been pretty dull. It feels like they pretty much picked normal people so there really isn't much drama. boring.
I think it will be either Drew or Chris.
Thanks for posting.
I was so disappointed by last weeks previews. Everyone was crying and it looked like Des was going to send them home but then when it aired they were all happy in love!
I have lost hope in this season. I really hope they have a better season coming up! What's next? The Bachelor Pad? Oh, and have you seen the magazines about this season in the grocery stores? The front covers are funny! They completely bash the guys.
I have to tell you that when I see you have a new post- I immediately click on that. You CRACK me up every time. THANK YOU FOR THAT. Your synopsis (no RTI for me, thank you!) was SPOT ON- right down to your appropriately timed gag reflexes. I am just waiting for Chris Harrison to make his move on one of these seasons and switch it up a little. Thanks again for the laughs.
Carolyn
Kindergarten: Holding Hands and Sticking Together
Ok I have a confession: I don't want to watch the Bachelorette anymore. I don't like Des. I think the show is boring! I have always been a die-hard fan but this season just isn't doing it for me. You'll have to tell me who she picks in the end!
Megan
Mrs. Wheeler’s First Grade
Mrs. Wheeler TpT
I absolutely LOVE your weekly summary of the Bachelorette. I think the network should pay you because I keep watching just so I can read your post the next day! My daughter and I laugh out loud because you always comment on the same things we did while watching! We both think you are HILARIOUS! Thanks for making us smile!!
~Natalie
Natalies Nook
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Are we not going to talk about the fact that Drew is GAY? G-A-Y? I mean, he's cute as a button and I would really root for him as the Bachelor in a room full of dudes. Dudes though.
I have NEVER watched a single episode of The Bachelor or Bachelorette, but I felt compelled to read this blog post because I was taking a mental break. So funny! Thanks!
This cracked me up. Please continue to blog about this! I am watching because I like the Bachelorette more than the Bachelor – the girls are waaaaay too crazy on Bachelor. I think it's funny how all the men cry on Bachelorette. And I thought I was going to DIE a little on the inside when they kept calling them adjectives. [stabs self in eye with fork] This was a fun read – thank you!
I like Brooks! Can I tell you though, the reason I watch the Bachelorette? It is the ONLY show my 96 year old (and 11 months) grandmother watches on a regular basis. And when someone who has been alive more than three times as many years as you wants to watch a particular TV show, you do it. It's a rule. However, it makes me happy that I know what you are talking about for Talk About It Tuesday.
Amy @ The Littlest Superheroes