Talk About It Tuesday

I made it through my first day back at work and it was a really great day and I remembered how much I love my kiddos and how much I love teaching first grade so that was good.

Considering that’s my job. And that’s what I went to college for. And that’s why I’m paying student loans.

Now, as far as the The Bachelor goes, I have to say I was bored with the first half. Just warning you. There was not a whole lot to work with and/or my first day back made me tired and I was not up to par. It was either that or the wine. And the chocolate. I still have left over chocolate. This was not See’s. It was Ghiradelli. Just as yummy and the squares are way bigger, by the way.

Anyways, the episode started by getting right back into it. I mean it. No red carpet this time. No here’s what happened last week and let’s all watch Prince Farming frolic through his cornfields or wheat fields or whatever kind of a crop it is (like it matters, he is shirtless!) . . . Nope. None of that.

The episode opened right up with the girls who were given roses toasting Chris with champagne and then BOOM.

In walked Kimberly, a girl who was not given a rose.

She asked if she could steal him which leads me to believe she has seen the show before, but was just really messed up on her timing.

Chris said yes and she went on and on . . . she cried and talked about how this was her destiny and she felt really strongly about it, etc etc etc. I’m sure Chris was not weirded out about it at all and envisioned a basket case for his future wife. Don’t all men?

Meanwhile the remaining girls who did receive roses debated the entire thing.

Is this allowed?

What is she doing?

Who is she?

There are too many of us as it is.

We have too many numbers.

How many of us are there?

In other words, more math.

Long story longer, Chris kept her.

The other girls cheered and clapped when they were told. Fake, fake, fake. FAKE! But, let’s be real, I would have done the exact same thing.

First Group Date

And, DRAMA, Kimberly (the Basket Case who Chris decided could stay) was invited.

She better not get a rose.

If she gets a rose, I’m going to be so upset.

No way.

Like, no way.

They went to some sort of building to have a pool party.

Which meant Chris had to take his shirt off. (This was after he got ready by throwing on a blue zip up hoodie, zipping it up, then zipping it down, then up a little . . . and finally, zipping it down about half way in order to share his tanned muscly chest. Really. It took him awhile to get dressed.)

After the pool party, Chris took the girls down the street (in their bikinis) so that they could show their country side (and their back sides and other sides to nearby motorists) and have a tractor race in LA.

The tractors were ridiculously slow. I was bored. It was not like Kevin Bacon in Footloose.

Ashley I. won. They talked for about an hour. She felt confident that she would get a rose.

But no . . . Chris told Mackenzie (sweet, curly haired, looks super young) he wanted to take her on a one-on-one for the rest of the day.

Tara (Drunk Girl from Last Week) was practically in tears.

Meanwhile:

Jillian (News Producer, Work Out Girl) must have been naked back at the house because the black rectangular box that covers up inappropriate things on regular TV channels kept covering her up on the front and the back and the side of her bottom area.

Yes, really. I’m not kidding.

Jillian and her sidekick, Megan, snuck over to Chris’ house (which was empty because he was watching bikini-clad girls show their country sides) and had a look around.

Megan put on Chris’ motorcycle helmet and kept banging her head into anything she could find to determine if the helmet was safe. This is important information for later on.

Then there was a Sad Story:

A bachelorette named Julia has a daughter. And the father of her daughter (who was also her husband) committed suicide. Everyone around her was very supportive. You won’t need to know this later on. I’m just being thorough.

Date with Mackenzie (the young, curly haired girl that Chris kept for the rest of the day):
Mackenzie started off by saying that her favorite thing in a guy is . . . wait for it . . . NOSES. And she likes BIG ones.

Because who doesn’t. The better to smell you with.

THEN, because that wasn’t weird enough, she asked him if he believed in aliens.

She told him she hadn’t been on a date in a year . . . no kidding, Mackenzie. No kidding.

Then Mackenzie told him she had a kid and, of course, he was such a gentleman about it.

But I kind of knew from the ~~get-go~~ BIG NOSE that he wasn’t going to keep her.

AND THEN HE DID.

I might have yelled at the TV. I might have scared Murphie.

Because HE CAN’T KEEP EVERYONE! HELLO?! She was weird. And, trust me, I know weird.

And he kissed her, too.

WHAT IN THE WHAT?

Mackenzie went ahead and told all of the girls about how many kisses she got. Because she counted.

One on One:

Megan (HELMET GIRL) got the date card that said she was getting the first real one on one.

And then she proceeded to ask if it meant that was she getting a date, or was she just getting a love note.

It’s safe to say that she hit her head one too many times wearing that helmet of Chris’ and said helmet needs to be recalled.

Public Safety Announcement: Do not wear that helmet if you’re trying to protect your brain. It doesn’t work.

Chris and Megan got on a little plane and headed to Las Vegas where they then got on a helicopter. The helicopter took them to the Grand Canyon.

The music soared.

And I was bored.

B.O.R.E.D.

There was a lot of this:

This is so beautiful.

This is breathtaking.

Wow.

My heart and soul are on the line.

This is crazy.

And then Megan told a really sad story about her dad dying right before she left for L.A.

I can’t take these sad stories.

I’d rather have Megan knocking her head against the wall.

I’m just saying.

And, probably because I was bored, I saw them drinking their wine or champagne and realized they’re sitting on a blanket in the middle of the Grand Canyon (or maybe they were to the left of it or just outside of it or to the right of it) and I thought hey, wait, when I’m drinking wine, I always have to go to the bathroom. Where in the world would I go to the bathroom if I needed to? And I know I would need to. I don’t see a porta-pottie and they’re in a canyon. How does that work?

Anyways, we’ll cut to the chase. Of course Chris gave Megan a rose and they kissed. Chris gives everyone roses and keeps everyone because he is Mr. Nice Guy which might be why I am bored.

I don’t know.

If this is how the rest of the season goes, Talk About It Tuesday will be a piece of cake.

He kept all the women.

He kissed the women.

He decided to be a polygamist

and proposed to them all.

The End.

Group Date Number Two:

The girls took a limo ride in the dark to some dark place where scary things were waiting for them.

I know I would have needed a porta-pottie on this date, too, but even if they had one, I would have peed my pants. Scary monsters were banging on the car and scaring the girls to death and half of them were trying to get on the floor of the limo and they were FUH-REAKING OUT

Stuff like that cracks me up even though it scares me to death, too. I tend to laugh when I’m scared.

Chris saved them and the date was basically Paint Ball against the zombies.

Onion Girl had a hankering for shooting the other girls which freaked everyone out because as one girl put it, Onion Girl shouldn’t be holding a weapon of any kind, including a wet noodle.

I wasn’t bored during this part of the show. I loved it. However, I would have been scared out of mind hunting for zombies in the dark and I would have shot that paint ball gun at anything, including the other girls (which would have been an accident unless I did it accidentally on purpose and you’ll never know until you’re in that situation and on a date with forty other women).

Onion Girl kept killing already dead people. And she was weird. And she kept saying she felt like she was in the Mesa Verde.

Call me dumb, but I have no idea what that meant. But I think I’d like to make it the new catch phrase for when someone is crazy or something is crazy or we have a new task that we have to do at school.

For example, if our principal says that we have to start turning in weekly data for the such-and-such and it should be such-and-such and it’s due on her desk every Monday before 8am, I think we should all say:

I feel like I’m in the Mesa Verde.

Or, if you stub your toe or ate the last Ghiradelli square and you didn’t know it was the last one, you could just scream:

MESA VERDE!

After they killed all the zombies, they popped champagne and Chris did his best to get to know each one.

Onion Girl started seeing angels in the candles. That was totally normal for Onion Girl and no one needed to worry. Until she started to say Boom and Go and then really not saying anything at all to Chris when she got some one on one time.

People, she is bizarre.

Forget the zombies. We’ve got Onion Girl.

Run for your lives! It’s Onion Girl!!!!!!!

Chris had some one-on-one time with a girl named Kaitlyn and they connected and then they kissed.

I am now a fan of Kaitlyn’s just because her commentary about Onion Girl was right on and she could actually write this Talk About It Tuesday post for me. Seriously.

He also reconnected with Britt and got her a little gift. It was a card that said Free Kiss from Chris which was really cute, but it seems as if he went to Staples and made about sixty copies and he’s handing them out to every single girl including women on the crew.

He is not figuring out anything at all in the way of who might become his wife. It is driving me crazy. He has to start getting rid of some people already!

Meanwhile:

Jordan is the new Drunk Girl (or we can call her Drunk Girl #2) and she was tweaking and talking about Jillian’s butt and saying gross things about a weedwhacker. You’ll have to use your imagination because I’m not writing it down here.

But suffice it to say that my ears were bleeding and I was laughing hard (from the shock).

Cocktail Party

Fertility Specialist Squeaky Voice Girl didn’t get a date so she stole him away and had set up her own little date for him in front of the fireplace. She got him some of his favorite whiskey and they drank a little. It was cute.

Then we learned (or were reminded) that Ashley I. is a virgin and has never had a boyfriend. This made Mackenzie extremely jealous because she couldn’t use that because she has a kid.

Okaaaaay.

So during Ashley I.’s one-on-one time with Chris, she showed her belly button ring to Chris and said he could rub it and make a wish. He wished to kiss her. See what I’m saying?

Ugh.

So Ashley I. (aka Virgin) basically sucked his face off. Seriously. It was DIS-GUSTING. All the girls watched. Including me. But I did it for you.

Britt cried about it. Because that’s her boyfriend!

Then a girl named Amber said, “I want to kiss you so hard!” so he did. Then Amber had to go tell everyone.

Seriously. This is what happened on the show.

But Jordan, Drunk Girl Number Two, was still drunk and that upset her so she interrupted someone else’s one-on-one time.

Jordan. Was. A. Train. Wreck.

She wanted to kiss him and told him she wanted to kiss him but then the moment was lost and then she couldn’t kiss him and then she told him everything that I just wrote.

They did not kiss.

Finally. Chris kept one of his coupons!!

Rose Ceremony:

Chris called Juleia’s name (the girl with the sad husband who committed suicide story) but Jillian (News Anchor Work Out Black Rectangular Box Covering Up Her Nether Regions Girl) thought (or hoped) he said Jillian and she started to walk up there, but then she figured out it wasn’t her, and then she slipped on the rug and practically fell down and then she laughed like a hyena.

I watched it three times.

Then Chris did give Jillian a rose.

He also gave Onion Girl a rose. I am not kidding.

CLEARLY ABC HAS ONE OR TWO PICKS EACH WEEK. Otherwise, Chris must have been wearing that helmet and got into an accident that we do not know about.

Girls that did not get a rose:
Some girl that we never got to know and did not interview with the camera.

Drunk Girl Number One – who was not drunk this time, but cried like a baby and said she wished she knew what was wrong so she could fix it, and she’ll get used to rejection one day, and then she just fell apart – I mean she says it will haunt her for the rest of her life.

Drunk Girl Number Two

Kimberly – she cried and said she didn’t understand.

I kind of get why these girls are sad and want to fix what might be wrong because Chris kept Onion Girl! And Mackenzie!

IT IS SO WEIRD.

And I don’t feel like we’re getting to know Chris at all.

It was just a STRANGE show last night. It could just be me, but I don’t know. What did you all think???

Comments

Miss Kindergarten says

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So strange!!!! I hate this season so far! #theyearthebachelorwentdownhill
Kimberley says

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Bizarre. It's lost its edge but I can't stop watching.
Emily - Live This Love says

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I was dying when that girl had him rub her belly button ring. Ewww! I'm at a loss for which was worse; that or her eating his face off. Plus they said on the first night that in this most shocking season ever a virgin goes to the fantasy suite…so I guess she's sticking around for a while. And what is with him keeping the loony girl? I feel offended on behalf of the girls who left and I too would be haunted for the rest of my life if got sent home before her. The girl cannot even form a sentence!
Julie Clark says

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It was VERY weird!! I totally believe now that the show has them keep certain girls for entertainment purposes. There is no other reason he would keep those two weird girls.
Jill Sloothaak says

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I agree. I was excited for Chris, but he is boring me to tears! And the girls he is keeping…..I just don't understand! Some guy would only have to talk to me about aliens one time before I would know that he was not the man for me.

Love these posts!

Jill
ABCs and Polkadots
Catherine N. says

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Thank you for making me belly laugh after a rough day. Love the way you tell it!

Catherine
Strategies for Success says

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What was weird, was that Mackenzie was so scared to tell him that she had a son. However, she was not scared at all to tell him that she might have seen an alien. CRAAAZIEEEE!

Do they not give these girl a mental stability test before they put them on. Or do they pay them to act that way to increase ratings?
Jerica J. Douglas says

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This season is pretty boring to me. Or mabye it's Chris. Chris could be the problem. I'm rooting for Britt or Whitney but I'm pretty sure Chris won't pick them because Mackenzie is still on the show . . . and Onion girl. That's just weird.
Martie says

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I just love your posts!!! Thank you so much for making my day!! MESA VERDE!!!!
Beany says

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I believe he told Jimmy Kimmel that Onion Girl was Cra-Cra. .. might not have been his exact words, but you get the jist. I needed to read this today. . .just wanted a good laugh! Thanks for the updates (I believe I was vegging during my watching time. . it was Monday.)
Rhonda Hafner says

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This made me giggle as I read it! Great writing style! Agree with all parts! Totally think ABC has a part in who stays! Crazy girls to keep people wondering! Could NOT believe the virgin…sure didn't act like one! We will see what next week brings…
Luv My Kinders says

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Ok, so I totally agree I could not believe he kept Mackenzie, after the nose and alien comments. I was like WHAT? The same reaction I had about whack-a-doodle Mackenzie. I agree ABC must have the say on a coupe to keep the drama alive for the ratings. Let me just say, for being a virgin Ashley I. sure doesn't kiss like one, or dress like one. It was gross. I was not surprised about the two drunk girls. I like Brit as well, but with her crying I don't know that she can last. Looking forward to next weeks commentary!

~Laura
Luv My Kinders
Dawn Bright says

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You crack me up! I'm so glad you're still writing about The Bachelor, because we all need a little non-school Mesa Verde, if you know what I mean. And chocolate. But I have to agree completely with the Grand Canyon date – it was borinnnng and I can barely remember it or the girl, or anything they said or did. That doesn't bode well for their relationship! Hahaha! Okayyy, my version of memorable moments don't necessarily have to match up with theirs, but still…. Can't wait to watch it tomorrow and then read what you thought about it on Tuesday!
annie ramos says

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hahaha.. This is the best. I can't wait to start up the Mesa Verde at my school! 🙂

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