Talk About It Tuesday

Well, believe it or not, I survived yesterday.  Otherwise known as Monday.  Also known as Monday After a Three Week Break.  

It was a great day.  I love my class.  My kids were happy to be there, as far as I could tell, and we had a very relaxed, normal day. We lost two lunch boxes, found one in a backpack where it was supposed to be, lost a playground ball, found another one that wasn’t really ours but kept just in case it might have been ours and with the understanding that we would give it back if someone asked for it, and tried to add three numbers together after lunch which was bad timing on my part because we had just had lunch and we should have been watching TV and/or napping.

Anywho, we tried again today and it was much better.  I’m sure we will really get it tomorrow.  Surely, we’ll all be awake by then, right?

Okay!

Let’s Talk About It!

The Bachelor started out in such a weird way to me!  I had to rewind and rewind to see what in the world I missed.  I still don’t know if I actually missed something, but the episode just opened with us supposedly knowing that Claire got the first one-on-one date.

Am I missing something?  Anyone?

Well, either way, it’s true.  Claire got the first one-on-one date.  

Juan Pablo and Claire went to the snow (fake) and went sledding down a hill and ice skating and then (finally) Juan Pablo took his shirt off and they got into the hot tub.

Juan Pablo gave her the rose and seemed to like her.  He kissed her.  And then Claire said, “If this is the beginning of our love story, I can’t wait to see what comes next.”

Well, Claire, I can tell you what comes next.  Have you not seen the show before?

It’s time for the private concert.

Might as well dance barefoot in fake snow while some strange singer watches.  I mean, it’s what every girl hopes for, right?

Next up is another one-on-one date.  This time it’s with Kat.  

They head to a surprise location in –wait for it –a private jet.  Kat says she can get used to being with someone who likes to surprise her.  

Kat?  Hello?  Do you realize that ABC is paying for this date?   

Anywho, they change into clothes and accessories that light up.  They actually glow.

That’s because they’re headed to Utah to run a 5K called the Electric Run.

Kat seemed as happy as could be.  They danced.  They ran.  They were dripping with sweat.

I’m telling you right now — running for no good reason is not a date in my book.  

Just in case you’re not clear, running is a form of exercise.  It is also what you do if someone is chasing you.  I repeat, it is not a date.  Where’s the food?  Where’s the wine?  Huh?  That’s what I would like to know.

Anyways, Kat was a very good sport, they were both amazing dancers, and I hate them.  The End.  

Oh, and she got the rose, of course.  If I had been on that date, I would have passed out after mile marker 1/8, and ended up in the back of an ambulance, and they would have aired the clip of the ambulance driving away on every “Coming Up Next” segment to show how dramatic it all was, and then when they finally showed me on the gurney in the hospital behind the blue curtain, I would have ripped off my oxygen mask and yelled, “What in the heck kind of a date do you call that?  I want my money back!”

Well.   Thank God I’m married is all I can say.

The group date was next.

It was a photo shoot and each lady was paired up with a dog.

Now we’re talking!  It was all for a good cause.

The girls had to wear costumes to coincide with the dog . . . some were happy, some were not, some bonded with their dog, some didn’t . . . 

Two of the girls had to wear cardboard signs.  Little ones.  And that was all.

I thought that was really unfair.  This isn’t Top Model.  It’s The Bachelor.  I mean, come on!    What in the world?  One of the girls, Elise, is a first grade teacher and really didn’t want to be naked.

Uh, no joke.

So she switched costumes with Lucy, a girl who likes to be naked. Elise became a fire hydrant (because that’s attractive) and Lucy got to be naked.  It was sort of a win-win.  Kind of.

The other cardboard wearing girl was Andi.  Juan Pablo talked her off the edge and made her feel more comfortable about it so all three of them just pretty much got naked together.

And that’s not weird at all.

They went to a pool or a hotel or a rooftop or something and had cocktails.

Victoria had several.  Although she claimed to have had not even one glass of champagne.  She wasn’t very . . . classy.  And then she cried and cried and wanted to go home . . . she hadn’t had any one-on-one time with Juan Pablo and she was done.  Done.  Done.  Done.  

She was DONE.

I kind of wanted someone to ask her if she was sure she was done . . . 

Juan Pablo went to find her, and asked her if she would talk to him, and she said, “NO!”  And then she said it again.  “No!”  

She repeats things.

So Juan Pablo told her he would wait for her outside and then he promptly gave a rose to Kelly.  I’m pretty sure Kelly was the girl that looked like a giraffe or a dog with all of the paint on her, but I can’t be sure.

He asked the girls to make sure Victoria got home safely so that he could talk to her the next day.  

The girls loved this.  They ate it up.  Juan Pablo – non judging, gives all the girls a chance, etc.  

Apparently, the producers took Victoria to a hotel to sleep it off.  The next morning, Juan Pablo went to see her.  She apologized, she was embarrassed, she was mortified, and Juan Pablo graciously accepted her apology.  But then . . . he said he had to say goodbye to her.

Yep.

Man.

Whoa.

There you go, young people.  Handle yourselves.

Then it was time for the Cocktail Party.

Sharleen, the opera singer, finally came to her senses and realized she was rude when Juan Pablo gave her the first impression rose.  So she said she was sorry.  

You bet your butt you’re sorry, Sharleen.  Duh.  

Then, Cassandra, mother of Tray, was crying and carrying on.  She missed her son.  Renee, the self-imposed mother of the entire group of girls, was trying to help her and seemed really genuine in that she should stay.  

Juan Pablo had to help another girl calm down.  But he seems to like her so who am I to call her a drama queen?

Oh, maybe I just said that in my head and not out loud.

If was finally time for the Rose Ceremony.  He called Cassandra’s name first – how nice.  How reassuring for her.   

He let Amy, the anchorwoman, and Chantel, the account manager, go.

They were both sweet in their front yard interviews.  I wanted to hug them.

Instead, I just drooled over Juan Pablo.

Next Sunday is a special episode of Bachelor couples . . . that should be good and corny and sickening all at the same time.

And yes, I’ll be watching.

What are your thoughts??  Let’s talk about it!