Here’s something funny.
Several people in Vegas (yes, those of us who went are still talking about it) told me that they don’t even watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette, but they love reading my Talk About It Tuesdays.
What? I think that’s what I said. Or, really? And then I said I always think about quitting and they all said I couldn’t.
I don’t get it.
I mean it. I do not get it.
Andi and the last three boys headed to the Dominican Republic for Fantasy Suite Dates.
The first fifteen or twenty minutes of the episode was a recap of the three boys left.
Josh, Chris, and Nick.
She used a lot of adjectives. A LOT. As well as a ton of examples. It was a tad bit exhausting.
And I was a little bit sick of all the kissing.
The first date was with Nick. Again, I had two thoughts.
EW. No. NO!
But then I thought, fine, let’s get this over with. Or actually I sighed about it. Fiiiiinnnnne. Expel air in an exasperated way.
FIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNE.
Andi and Nick got on a helicopter. I was fine with it. It was fine. It hasn’t been overdone this season and I can’t even think if anyone has been on a helicopter this season. Here is what I truly think. This has been the LONGEST season ever. I need it to hurry up and be over so that I can watch Bachelor Pad in Paradise.
Yes, I have issues. We have been over this before.
Anyways, fine.
You’d think I’d have some other adjectives in my repertoire since Andi just listed about nineteen million in her all of her little speeches about the guys but, when it comes to Nick, I can only come up with fine.
They were taken to a private island. Andi described her time with Nick as an Adult Romance Kind of Thing.
Um, I sure hope they’re adults. Otherwise, what they were doing in the ocean was entirely inappropriate and probably illegal, as well.
They talked about Nick’s prior relationships . . . apparently, he has gotten his heart broken a lot. The sad music didn’t affect me at all. Cold as ice, I tell you.
Nick tried to tell Andi how he was feeling (he loves her) but he couldn’t get the words out so instead Andi suggested snorkeling. So they snorkeled.
Later, they had dinner on the island.
And Nick presented her with a book (a fairy tale, to be exact) he’d written because he had some time and . . . according to him, was what any midwestern boy would do if they had some time.
Um . . . I’m gonna say no to that. Uh uh. Not really. I think most midwestern boys would not type up a story and draw pictures or find pictures or whatever he did to make the book. Nope. I imagine midwestern boys doing something midwestern-y like eating at the Cracker Barrel or riding a horse or chewing on some hay or hunting deer or standing in a field with only their jeans and a cowboy hat on.
(Okay, please do not email me and tell me that you are from the midwest and I am so off base and I need to get a grip. I grew up in Oklahoma and Texas – I know what’s what, I am just having a little daydream and that’s all. Getting a grip is pretty much not ever going to happen here.)
Nick then read his story out loud to her and it was basically a fairy tale of their journey . . .
I don’t know. I like the idea of it, but I don’t. It’s cute, but it’s not.
Most likely because Nick did it.
Just saying.
He agreed to go to the Fantasy Suite with her but, first, he had to tell her he loved her so he said A LOT of words while she showed him her pouty face and made pouty noises AND THEN FINALLY he told her.
But it took a long time and then there was so much audible kissing, I wanted to throw up. Smack, smooch, spit, sputter, STOP ALREADY I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE YOU ARE MAKING ME SICK AND I WAS TRYING TO EAT A PEPPERMINT PATTY THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
Oh good grief, seriously, the audible kissing was OVER THE TOP. I am pretty sure you can kiss without making noise.
I will try it and report back at a later date.
Next up: Josh!!! My mad crush.
Josh walked up to Andi and was speaking a little bit of Spanish to her which was so cute, but would have been absolutely annoying if Nick had done it. Keeping it real here, people.
But then, as the date went on, guess what? He actually really speaks Spanish! WOOT WOOT! And then he wanted to dance and he was shaking his bootie even though he wasn’t good at it. That’s how I am. I always want to dance even though I am not good at it. And I am almost positive that if you shake your bootie, it can be classified as dancing, so there you go.
I am the BEST Sitting In My Chair Dancer, by the way.
They played baseball with some local kids which was adorable, of course. Andi loved seeing him around the kids because her biological clock is ticking, don’t ya know. Well, I said that, not her, but I’m pretty sure it is.
Afterwards, they sat on a bench and Josh must have said he loved her about fifty times and Andi looked like she was going to cry . . . it wasn’t even her pouty face. I’m just going out on a limb here and totally reading into things, I’m not an expert, but it looked like she felt relieved and happy about it.
I don’t know, but if I was a gambler (and I’m not, aside from playing the slots at the airport with a $5 bill and walking away with $71, yessiree bob) I’d say she loves Josh back. Because when Nick said he loved her, she was just showing her pouty face and kind of acting like she expected it and it was no big thing. But when Josh said it . . . well, it was a completely different thing. She was teary eyed.
I’d like your thoughts on this. Please chime in.
Later, they had dinner. They talked about what kind of parents they would be and Josh continued to say he loved her, but Andi was worried that he was happy all of the time.
Isn’t that a good thing? Right? What in the world?
He assured her that he could be serious, but that he couldn’t help but be happy around her.
Yes, I melted.
They went to the fantasy suite and fireworks went off.
I mean that literally, not figuratively. Literally, fireworks went off. Get your mind out of the gutters, people.
Now, because I have a mad crush on Josh, I can’t see past his cuteness. I believe every word that comes out of his mouth. If you think he is shady or that we can’t trust him, please leave a comment and tell me why so I can snap out of my stupor. Thank you.
Then Josh told the camera pretty much all of this: I will support her, I will protect her, I will be a loving husband, I will be a loving father, I will make her happy, I love her, I have never felt like this before, I want to propose.
So I basically fell over in a dead faint as if I was living in the Victorian age and my girdle was too tight when, in fact, I was wearing ginormous pajama pants that are entirely too long, and if he is not picked, he’d better be the next bachelor and I’m serious or ABC is getting a strongly worded letter from me and you all can sign it, too, okay? Okay?!
Last was Chris.
Andi took Chris to the countryside of the Dominican to ride horses even though she was nervous around horses.
They are very tall.
Andi and Chris hopped up on the horses and started having a nice little walk with conversation until Andi’s horse started running. Or trotting very fast. She freaked out. Not in a loud embarrassing way or anything (read: I would have started screaming and crying and probably would have fallen off before the horse had a chance to buck or rear or do anything scary) but Chris was there for her and got her to relax.
They talked a lot about his family and his hometown date and how much she loved it all. Then they played that Hide On The Farm game. I still feel like I could win that.
Andi wasn’t sure about Chris and if their connection was deep, close, and real enough . . . it made me worried for Chris.
At dinner that night, they talked about her possible move to Iowa. Chris said he was willing to make sacrifices and that everything was negotiable . . . but Andi didn’t want him to make any concessions in which he left his farm.
And then Andi started getting choked up and told him that she was struggling . . .
Here’s my input. Chris needs to be the next bachelor and ONLY GIRLS THAT WANT TO LIVE OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE ON A FARM AND BE HIS WIFE NEED APPLY.
Then Andi started ugly crying and had a hard time talking because she said she is not where he is in their connection. She doesn’t see herself in Iowa, but also said there was more to it. She said she has more respect for him and didn’t want to lead him on.
Of course, Chris was a true gentleman. Andi was a mess. Her heart and head weren’t matching up . . . it was a disaster. And Chris was just so sweet and kind and wonderful.
HE NEEDS TO BE THE NEXT BACHELOR.
Either Chris or Josh.
NOT NICK.
Are we all clear?!
Chris was sad in the limo . . . but he didn’t bawl like a baby or anything like that or say his life was over or whine and say, “WHY ME?”
He was just as sweet as could be.
Poor guy.
Then we had another Andi Talks To Chris Harrison Segment which is my most unfavorite thing ever next to Nick.
Chris Harrison said, “Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah?”
Andi replied, “Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah.” Pouty face.
Repeat 12 times.
The End.
There was still a rose ceremony because you never know — the guys might not accept the rose.
Yeah, right. Puh-lease.
So guess what?
Nick and Josh each got a rose.
SURPRISE SURPRISE.
Next week: THE GUYS TELL ALL AND I CANNOT WAIT.
I feel like I asked a lot of questions . . . I need you to answer them. Pleaseandthankyou.
๐
First Grade Centers and more says
Thanks for the recap ๐ I didn't get to see it last night. I am with you on the Nick thing, DO NOT like him! I think Chris could be totally be the next Bachelor! I am a Kansas girl, I think there are plenty of Midwestern girls willing to live on a farm in Iowa and ride on his big green tractor!
Julie Clark says
I'm with you, I also have a mad crush on Josh!! I also liked Farmer Chris, but knew it wouldn't work out for the two of them. He'd make a great Bachelor though!
Kristy Pruett says
If I'm not wrong, I think he is. Seems like I saw it somewhere on the internet!! And you know it has to be true if they posted it on the internet!! LOL
Sherrie Nackel says
First of all, I'm from the midwest (WI) and we do not, I repeat, do not have cowboys. LOL! I think you have your geographical areas mixed up, but I did read your disclaimer regarding this so no harm, no foul. I have the same crush on Josh as you and he's been my number one choice since day 1. I agree that Josh or Chris should be the next bachelor, but I am convinced she will choose Josh and get married and have babies. Now the question I have is what does Josh do for a job? I mean former pro BB player cannot be that lucrative as far as salary goes. I am dying to know how he earns a living. That's all.
Patty Rutenbar says
You nailed it in 3 words. "Chris is a Gentleman!" (ok, 4 words!) He handled that way better than anyone ever has. He didn't bawl, he didn't pout, he didn't act angry or ticked off, he was understandably upset and handled just like a man. . . just like a gentleman!
I will scream and throw something if she picks NICK. For the safety of my family and my furniture, I hope she picks Josh.
Patty
Second In Line
Heidi Butkus says
I am sick of this season, TOO! In fact, the TV is on, but I'm barely watching. I'm not even sure I could put a face to each of those guy's names. Sad huh? Get it over with already, and stop all of the sucking-face! Ewwwwww!
Heidi
Rachel Wille says
Have you read Courtney Robertson's book I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends? You should definitely check it out. It does get a bit naughty, but still a really good read and a guilty pleasure. Especially if you like watching the show.
Rachel Vincent says
I'm with you! At this point in the season, just get to the finally! We get it! They love you, you like them, you have to choose! By the way, I know who won!! The information was leaked and my mom reads the spoiler blogs. I won't tell you…unless you really want to know!
Rachel
A Tall Drink of Water
Lovely Nina says
Great recap! I'm rooting for Josh, not a fan of Nick. I didn't really like that Nick didn't get a long with the others. I also felt bad for Chris..he definitely should be the next Bachelor–come on–Andi strung him along all this time, knowing that he lived on a farm!
Well my bet is on Josh–we shall see! I also can't wait of the Bachelor Pad–to see the hottie Marcus of course!
๐
-Lovely Nina
Lovely Nina Designs
klmiller324 says
I love your recap! Nick–gross!!! Josh—precious!!
Tracey says
I have liked Josh from the beginning. As everyone had mentioned, Nick is not a fan of mine and wanted him gone weeks ago.
I'm with you…. this season needs to end and bring on bachelor pad in paradise!
Mrs. Jones says
I sort of expected Andi to get rid of Chris at some point because, let's be honest, I don't see her as Farmer Andi. I DO think Chris should be the next bachelor. That would be interesting. I, too, am wanting to watch the Men Tell All, and I also think this season is taking for.ev.er. As for Josh, I'm not sure if it's the way he smiles or what, but sometimes I have a difficult time taking him seriously… Of the two choices left, though, I think Andi should choose Josh.
Sarah from Mrs. Jones Teaches
Brittani Black says
I agree. You should NOT quit your talk about it Tuesdays! At first Nick didn't get on my nerves so bad, but each week it's worse and worse. I can't stand to hear him talk! I guess Nick meant for the book to be sweet, but it was a little creepy that he would spend that much time making it… I think Andi will pick Josh because you could see it all over her face when he said he loved her.
Mrs. Black's Bees
Alison Rose says
I'm ready for it to be over too….I'm SO scared she is going to pick Nick. She BETTER pick Josh. If not, definitely signing your note you send to ABC.
Alison
Rockin' and Lovin' Learnin'
Jill Sloothaak says
Yes. Andi's connection with Josh is different than her connection with Nick. And, yes, she acted differently when Josh said he loved her than she did when Nick said it. My guess is that she will choose Josh! And then they will get married and won't they have the most beautiful babies???? And Chris will be the next bachelor (please????) and we'll all be happy!!
Jill
ABCs and Polkadots
Jane says
I just found out that Nick went to my high school! He is younger than me, so didn't know him or any of the 10 brothers and sisters. And no, midwest guys do not usually create fairy tale books to summarize relationships. But, oh, boy, his first grade teacher must have done a bang up job on her fairy tale unit to make him want write his own.
Yes – I love Josh, too. Is he too good to be true???
Jane
Learning in the Little Apple
Meghan Schmitt says
Please don't stop your talk about it tuesday. I'm kind of addicted – and I've never even seen a single episode of The Bachelor 'cause I live in Germany. I just love to read your recap (usually Wednesday mornings at 5:45 with a cup of coffee before school) ๐
Meghan
Beany says
You are kidding when you said you were thinking about quitting your Bachelor blog? You wouldn't do that to us, would you. .. and if she picks Nick, then she gets what she gets and she can't complain. . . .and what is up with that face, Chris should have seen it coming when she did her lips in the way she does them (makes me want to smack her, and I don't really do that, but my mom did). She needs Josh to make her "happy" because she does not do sad very well. .. I'll be looking for your recap next week!
Leslie - The Groovy Teacher says
I agree!! With everything you said, but especially with the Chris part. I was so upset when she let him go and I felt it from the moment, during her narrative, when she said "this is a make or break date for Chris and I today." I was like WHAT!? Since when? Yes he totally needs to be the next Bachelor. What a guy!! He is so sweet, never felt sorry for himself, just wanted to go home if she didn't want him there. And yes I also agree, only girls who want to live in the middle of Iowa and be a farmer's wife need apply. Love him. Now, I'm Team Josh. Love your re-tells so much.
Dawn Bright says
I can't wait for tomorrow, either! And then for Tuesday, to read what you thought about it. ๐
Chris will be an awesome Bachelor – I hope he agrees to it, and then I hope the show casts some genuine, lovely girls for him so he doesn't get his heart broken again.
Josh is so darn cute, and I love his arms so much. They seem very cute together.
Nick was cute on this episode too, IMO, like when he was stumbling over his words. He came across as just a regular guy, and I don't mind him! But, there is NO way he did that book, and I took his comment about a midwestern guy with time on his hands, as sarcasm. In fact, the book looked very familiar, so I have a feeling they've had a contestant do one of them before! Those illustrations looked familiar, the story was too perfectly done, so I'm thinking it was completely done by show staff. I doubt Nick could've done those pictures, really! Anyway, she really liked it and got a good laugh out of it.
I've really enjoyed this season, and wouldn't want it to end except for Bachelor Pad in Paradise or whatever it is! That will be "interesting" to watch (in a horrifying way), but at least I'll get to look at Marquel again. ๐