I did not go to school today.
I wish I could tell you I was off playing hooky. Or that I was out today because I was at Disneyland’s 24 Hour Leap Day Extravaganza. I wasn’t. My lucky 16 year old niece was, though. And SHE played hooky today so that she could sleep. (She was there until 6:30 this morning. I don’t think I could do that anymore.)
Nope. I was at the dentist. And as far as the procedure goes that I had done, let’s just say, “OUCH” and move on.
My dentist is a family affair. My hubby’s aunt works there — the aunt we go to church with. They take very good care of us. But it is far away from where I live so it is an all day thing. And everyone is in my business. My beezwax. My life. And my ear.
Yes, my ear. Hubby’s aunt starts playing with my ear while my mouth is open and the dentist is inserting instruments that do not belong in there.
Aunt says, “Have you had this mole checked?”
Say what? What? Huh?
I said, “Jwiheihjoihlkehihlk??” Why do people try to talk to you when you have equipment in your mouth, and cotton holding your tongue down? WHY?
Aunt says, “This doesn’t look right. Dr.? What do you think?”
Doctor Dentist looks and says, “You should get that checked right away. And it’s in a sun spot, too.”
Since when do dentists learn about skin cancer in dentistry school?
Next, I see the hygenist. Like I said, all day adventure. Procedure followed by teeth cleaning. And lots of drool. I was pretty.
Aunt says, “Hygenist, what do you think of this?” as she tugs on my ear.
Hygenist says, “Well, she needs to see a periodontist, but she should definitely get that looked at first.” (I need to see a periodontist? NOW WHAT?)
GUH-REAT. I go in for a teeth procedure and come out with skin cancer. People, this is my life. Don’t worry. It’s not catching. Just for me. If you have it, I’ll get it. If it’s hereditary, I’ll inherit it. My sisters and my brother were relieved to find out that having your gall bladder removed was hereditary (mom, aunt, and grandma no longer have theirs). Relieved because I would get my gall bladder taken out for them later on in life. No problem. Got it covered. Kristin will do it.
I leave the dentist’s office, dejected and upset. Waaaa. And all that. Sniffle, sniffle. (Not really. But I have cried leaving the dentist’s before. Once, I was still IN the office, but it wasn’t my hubby’s aunt’s office. They didn’t know me. First time visit. And I cried so hard that they asked me if I wanted a lollipop. True story.)
I start up my car and decide to look in the rearview mirror at this unseemly mole.
??????WHAT THE HECK?????
I have never noticed it before. And it is cause for concern. Oh no. I am dying. Hiccup. It’s been real. I’ll miss you.
Tilt head. Quizzical look. Lean closer.
It disappears. IT DISAPPEARS.
Because, folks, it was HAIR DYE!!!!!!
From my hair appointment yesterday!
Or maybe it was chocolate – you never know with me and those Cadbury mini eggs laying around.
I am going to LIVE! I have a second lease on life! I am going to change the world!
But first, is Jersey Shore on tonight? 🙂
PS I promise to have a poem for you guys by this weekend.