Oh, people. Before we get started, just have to say . . .
PEOPLE!!!!!
Listen to my day. I’ll make it quick. Really. I will.
I got a new kid.
He doesn’t know how to write his name without looking at his nametag. I know this because I didn’t have a nametag for him. Because I didn’t know he was coming. Because he’s new. And because no one told me. And when I said, “Write your name.”, he looked at me like I was the shortest person he’d ever seen on earth and how in the world could I be the person in charge of running this classroom.
We are getting to know one another.
He doesn’t like me.
That’s okay because I had my doctor appointment today and my doctor likes me. I say this with confidence because one of us had to take our clothes off for the other one. I think that’s a good indication of a close relationship.
Now it’s night time. Tori and Dean and Teen Mom 2 are on the agenda. And possibly another ice cream bar. It’s either that or wine because the doctor didn’t offer me any.
Let’s get down to business.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: I was a bit bored. Were you? I got a good giggle from Paul and all of the air coming out of his body post-colonoscopy. “Oh no . . . ”
There was a lot of wedding. Last week, I said I wasn’t interested. I wasn’t. I did take notice of the fact that Pandora’s cake cost more than her dress. Is this normal? I have no idea. Being the Las Vegas bride and all, I didn’t get married on a tennis court. Just next to a black jack table. Does that count? I was happy that Lisa let Ken walk her down the aisle. I thought she might do that. Pandora seemed . . . well, it just seemed like she was overly concerned with her hair. She looked at her hair way more than she looked at her groom.
I did love Jiggy’s tux. I would like to kidnap him and let him run naked and free over here in my house. Although I think Syd might think he was a stuffed animal and tear him to bits.
What else really happened? One minute we were at a wedding and three weeks later, Russell had died. Was that weird editing to you? And what about Camille’s new stranger-man-with-all-of-those-abs-but-no-face? Perplexing.
Kim is in rehab. All I can say is phew. PHEW!
I did not see previews for a reunion. PLEASE tell me there will be a reunion!! Part one and two, please! Does anyone know??
The Bachelor: Much better in the drama department. I mean, in the first five minutes, we’ve got Kacie B. crying. No. Stop. Don’t do that in the FIRST FIVE MINUTES!!!
Rachel — she got to go in the helicopter. I’m so tired of the helicopter. And the scenic views. And the headphones. I’m just sick of it. We need something else.
Ben and Rachel were awkward. AWKWARD. I could barely watch. Rachel kept doing weird mouth twitches and lip disappearances (come to think of it, we had a lot of mouth things going on) and they had nothing to say to one another. And then after all of that, they agreed they had a vibe and he gave her the rose. WHY? WHAT VIBE? Did ABC tell him he had to keep her? EXPLAIN.
Then it’s group date time. Ben rides in on a horse. Or, actually, the horse jumps into the water without Ben being prepared and he looks a little lot frightened as he holds on for dear life. I cracked up. I may have replayed it a few times. But Lindzi, aka horse girl, loves a man in the saddle so let’s all sing “Home! Home on the Range!”
Courtney kills me. We would not be friends. Nope.
And then she caught a fish. Dang it.
When she is talking to Ben, her itty bitty poopy baby voice makes me want to . . . I want to . . . Oh. It’s just so FAKE!
Don’t forget the drama at the end of the group date with Samantha. My hubs walked in the room right about that time and when he saw Samantha, he said, and I quote, “Holy fake boobs!”
Well, everyone, let her be a lesson to you. Don’t you dare complain about being on group dates. And you’d better not be highly emotional. You can be lowly emotional but that’s it. Go above lowly and you’re out. SEE YA!
Time for Courtney on stage again. Obviously, she was nominated for an Oscar and Ben congratulated her with a rose. Take a bow, Courtney. Charlie Sheen would be proud.
Onto the one on one with Jennifer – the cute little girl from Oklahoma. I like her. I didn’t like their date. Once again, we’re afraid of heights. But while we’re afraid, just to make it interesting, let’s get into our bikinis, too, shall we? And let’s say this again, “If we can conquer this thing, we’ll have trust . . . ” Gross, yuck, disgusting. Please, just be quiet.
And the concert? Please don’t dance. Don’t. Please. Just stop.
I loved that Blakely (the girl crying by the luggage that inspired me to do the same a couple of weeks ago) is now “back in the group” and can DO HAIR. She’s alright in my book if she can take care of my roots. Girl gossip talk. Girl talk in the bathroom. I’m having deja-vu.
Rose Ceremony: Oh my word. Guys, did you hear that Emily is bothered by Courtney? She’s bothered. It bothers her. The whole thing is bothersome. Emily told on Courtney to Ben. Ben thought the telling could lead to her demise. HER DEMISE. Talk about serious. It really bothers Emily. I wonder if Emily has bothersome brothers or brothers who bother her?
As Emily and Courtney talked about each other, both of their mouths twitched and pursed and moved and had a touch of Bewitched in them. Don’t you think?
It’s that time. Ben hands out roses.
There’s only one left. It’s a nail biter.
Alas, Emily survives another day.
We’ve lost poor Monica. I had no idea she liked him. Did you? I’m always so worried about the girls in the limo. Do they have a therapist in there? They certainly don’t have kleenex. At the very least, the limo should be equipped with kleenex! I mean, really. Or me. I could be in the limo. I could listen and wipe away tears and nod my head . . . I could do that.
So that wraps it up.
The Bachelor beat Real Housewives.
But my doctor visit takes the cake.
Which makes me think of ice cream. Please excuse me . . . 🙂
I was bored, too, with RHWOBH!
Jennifer
First Grade Blue Skies
Finally! I wanted to punch Courtney the entire time! And the country concert made me fall in love with Ben just a little. Why does this always happen to me??
HOW did jennifer beat me??? Really, I had insider information!!
I was almost first !!!! I love when the newbies arrive midyear, unannounced….never a good sign…good luck, he will love you soon 🙂
On another note, I had my yearly funtime visit with my dr. who I really like and am so glad to have such a great family dr. Enjoy the rest of your shows !
No wine at the doctor's office?! What kind of a crummy doctor is this?!
Good luck with your new kid!
Buzzing with Ms. B
Lol I was laughing so much 🙂
Good luck with your little. How he can he not love you when we all do?
And I'm laughing at Hadar 🙂
Journey of a Substitute Teacher
*little one!
Yikes, I need to proofread but I was just so excited to be 'almost' first…my dr. visit was just last week and as a tie in to your shows (which I wish I could watch), my dr. called today to talk about my next colonoscopy, more happy thoughts !!
OH MY GOSH, Kristin!!! You kill me!!! I sat at work today seriously thinking, "Oh, it's Tuesday… we're going to have a Bachelor wrap-up today!" and got all excited! I was actually laughing out loud on several occasions. However… you FORGOT to mention MY FAVORITE PART of the whole episode!!!! The last three seconds when Ben says, "We're going to Costa Rica" and Courtney goes, "I was there 2 months ago" and then "Look, my glass is the tallest" OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate her. Anywho.. thanks for the laughs!
Ha! I stopped watching the Bachelor (just didn't have the time) but your recap makes me want to start up again! Don't tell the hubby… he high-five'd me when I took it off the DVR! Thanks for a good giggle before bedtime!
Amanda
I just got a new student, too. She can't write her name either, but she doesn't speak English at all. She's from Haiti and I have NO records at all to show if she has ever attended school. The kids are so funny, they talk to her like she is a puppy.
And The Bachelor is getting serious! Courtney is a nice girl and is never ever mean towards others. However, she WILL verbally assault you.
~Andi
My hubby wants to know…."what is so funny"….I love your Tuesday posts! Did you like how at the end Courtney let everyone know her champagne glass was the highest?
1. Thanks for getting me suckered into watching the Bachelor this season.
2. OMG that Courtney. What is WITH that girl? She's evil. You don't want to hear what I call her while watching here in the privacy of my home. Seriously! Who acts like that?
3. Good luck with the new wee one. It is so rare to get that perfect gem of a kid mid-year. There's a reason for that. But no sense in ruining the joy I get from reading your posts!
As always, thanks for the laughs!
♥ Dragonflies in First ♥
There WILL BE a RHOBH reunion!! I saw the preview fly by as I fast-forwarded the commercials {*love* DVR} 🙂
And yes, for a season finale, it was a bit boring. Bring on the reunion drama!!
A Cupcake for the Teacher
I read that Courtney dated John, the gardener, from Desperate Housewives several seasons back. I don't get that. How did she score a celeb? And he was super cute too.
On another note, are any of these girls really, truly into Ben? He's just not that interesting…
I'm so glad to see that someone else noticed the $9,500 cake. What a waste of money. I hope it tasted better than it looked.
Lauren
justaddclipart.blogspot.com
I love your Tuesday Talk post…highlight of my day. I hope that doesn't seem pathetic. HAHA! I haven't watched RWOBH yet, it is waiting for me in the DVR but now I am not rushing to see it. I can't wait for the reunion. They are the best! Cat fight!
I can't stand Courtney AT ALL! She is cray-cray. Needs medication. Therapy. The whole nine yards! If Ben doesn't get rid of her, Ugh! Did you see the previews for next week? I will have my barf bowl handy. Skinny dipping? Really!! It's probably best I don't have your phone number because the text messaging would be out of control during this. LOL! Have a great week! 🙂
<>< Crystal
OMG let's talk about something important…me. I am having a giant birthday on Feb22nd and I want to do a giveaway to celebrate. I want you to come to my party! Wanna do a freebie or a summary of your take on these shows!!! What do ya think? I am celebrating as oldest teacher in Blog Land! Are you in? Are your parents as funny as you are? How about the hubby?
@Lauren Morse Ya i totally agree with you. @laughinbrunette (Jennifer) LOL!!!
English Lesson Plans
I agree, you need to be in the limo! I don't even watch the show…I think your blogs are probably better than the show anyway! Thanks for the laughs! 😉
I was bored with RHOBH too. The editing was weird. I guess they were trying SO hard not to use his death as a springboard for ratings, that they kind of just swept it under the rug.
Oh getting a new kid. In the middle of the year. YIKES! At my school, it seems that we are never given any warning. The guidance counselor just walks the new kiddo down and does the introduction and leaves. You are left trying to keep a happy face while not letting the panic come through!
Here's my glass is half full thought: Maybe he was really nervous and that is why he didn't write his name?!
I hope today is better!
-Megan
First Grade Magic
I am oh, so excited about the RHOBH reunion. I hope there are like 5 reunion shows. Seems like there could be with all of the drama from this season!!
And BTW: Your comment about your relationship with your doctor and taking off your clothes about made me spit my coffee on the computer! LOL!! Hilarious!
Jodi
Fun In First
Bachelor should be called MOUTH…I have never seen so many mannerisms with people's mouths in my life. Now I am hyper aware of my own mouth. I am pretty sure Courtney is going to go down in flames. I was proud of blakely and her ability to do hair and rebond with the girls. I know I would be a train wreck on a show like that but I hope I could learn from it like she is. Emily and Courtney buh-bye. The squealer never gets picked and neither does the one squealed on!!! 🙂 I died at the end when Courtney said…I was just in Puerto Rick two months ago and my glass is the tallest! classic. bye bye.
Good luck with your newbie! Where do all the new ones come from and why are they all a mess? I am next on my team for a new kid. fingers crossed that they can write their name!!!
Thanks for making me laugh! Jill
I totally knew it! I knew Emily's bewitching nose would make your cut! It soo bothered me too. I'm a Kaci B and a Nicki fan. Nicki alot, Kacie B a little. Those are my 2 favs!!
-Staci
Let's Teach Something
OK – I have never seen the bachelor, but I read the post and ALL 25 comments before mine absolutely laughing. You guys are awesome. Will something like this occur again after American Idol tonight? Please????
– Lisa
a teachers bag of tricks
Jiggy is amazing. I love him, and his little naked bum.
oh that poor child!!!! I HATE getting new kids mid year!!! I had a new one start Monday too! I don't dont know how they ever catch up!
You cracked me up with your doc. visit recap!
Hope your having a great week!
❤ Mor Zrihen from…
A Teacher's Treasure
Teaching Treasures Shop
I think you should be in the limo. You really need to contact them and suggest it! How funny would it be to have you sitting with kleenex and icecream and you could ask them how they're feeling. I'd love to watch it.
do you watch…watch what happens…i think that is the name of Andy's live show.. Lisa was on there and they had a few sneaky previews of the reunion… looks really good. ANYTHING is better than that last episode… total SNOOZE fest over here… I was expecting a huge ordeal… not so much in my opinion and was it just me or did Pandy have a hard time walking in her shoes… it looked like she struggled getting down the aisle… as always you crack me up… have a great week and good luck with your new one… he'll love you soon I am sure 🙂
Long vowels/ short vowels ….blah blah blah. Have I told you my vowel story? I teach second grade and we were reviewing vowel sounds in December with a holiday worksheet. Little Sirena was clearly lost. Gelt was the word. "Sirena, does gelt have a long e sound or a short e sound? Geeeeeeeeeellllt." I say. She looks at me. Says, "geeelllt." ponders a little and then answers "lower case."
love my job!
Have fun with your special new friend. Yes, that is what I call some of my students…special friends. Some of them even have the word extra in front of it…….extra special friend. Ha! I love them all the same though!
Part 1 of RHOBH is Jan. 30 and I think Lisa and Adrienne are fighting!
You know what I thought about Pandora and her gaze focus (or lack of). Her husband is a doll and he had nothing but adoration written all over his face.
Unfortunately, I don't watch The Bachelor. –yikes, did you just hurl a wine glass at me?!– j/k :-)– I have a 13 yr-old daughter and Pretty Little Liars is on our Monday night lineup. And then Dance Moms on Tuesday (OOOH, look for us next Tuesday! We were at that competition and met all of them!).
Bless your new little man. And break out the play do?
your bachelor recaps are the best! you rock my socks!
I had to DVR The Bachelor and just finished watching it tonight. I had to stop reading your post so that I could finish watching the episode and not spoil it for myself! I can always relate to your posts and they always make me laugh! Hope you enjoyed your ice cream!
http://mrsnotmuchtallerthanasecondgrader.blogspot.com/
You are left trying to keep a happy face while not letting the panic come through!
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