People. Listen up.
I have almost nothing to say about the Beverly Hills Housewives Reunion Part 3.
Almost.
I do have to say that this here junkie still has the shakes.
I was disappointed. I wanted more. More drama. More fights. More tears. More gossip. More, more, more.
As far as Kim goes . . . it’s just sad. I have personal experience in that arena (NO, NO, NO, I’m not a recovering anything so don’t go down that road) but I do know what Kim has put her family through, and it’s just sad. Sad for the family. Thad. Tho Thad.
Thank goodness I’ve got the O.C. Housewives for my weekly fix.
Okay, The Bachelor. Ben. The guy I don’t like at all anymore. Seriously, how did he get picked?
Here we go. Ben took the girls to Belize. All by himself. I believe he paid for the trip and everything. He’s rich, you know. He lives on a vineyard. So he took them to Belize and then he decided to wear a funny looking tank top. It’s probably trendy and all that, but I didn’t like it. Maybe if it had been on Brad Womack . . . or Ryan Gosling . . .
Lindzi gets the first one on one. She is so excited.
I’m not. It’s helicopters and headphones again. Gross.
And it’s jumping off of the helicopter into a big hole in the ocean that Ben seems to know a lot about. So is he memorizing his knowledge or reading it off of cue cards?
I was SO SHOCKED when Lindzi said she was afraid of heights. You’ve got to be kidding me! No way! Surely there aren’t THREE girls on THREE different “let’s get as high as we can and jump off things” dates who are afraid of heights??? Isn’t that interesting? I just can’t believe it.
Ben is very original when he says that there’s nothing they can’t accomplish if they can’t jump off this helicopter into the ocean. I mean, that is one unique statement, don’t you agree? And I don’t know about you and yours, but as for the hubs and me, we have NEVER had to face that kind of ULTIMATE FEAR together. The worst thing must have been that time we were in the grocery store and they had run out of Ben and Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch ice cream. I know!! To this day, I don’t know how we got over it. But we did. We accomplished something on that fateful day. So I totally get where Ben is coming from. But it could never measure up.
They go on to do other things, like put a message in a bottle, and blah, blah, blah. I may have fast forwarded a tad.
Emily gets the next one-on-one date and Courtney is SAD. Ha! Ha! Ha! I mean, that’s too bad. Maybe better luck next time.
I was so happy to see Emily and Ben RIDE BICYCLES. We have a new form of transportation!!!! No headphones required! Just pedal. And don’t get sweaty. Please, Ben. Don’t get sweaty.
They come across a lobster man and he takes them on his boat to go get their own!!!! And Emily is so happy about the spontaneity of it all. Because there’s no way this was already set up, right? Ben was just as surprised so I truly believe this was spur of the moment. Right? I’m sure the cameras weren’t already on the boat or anything like that. Nope.
I love me some lobster. Dee-lish! But I don’t feel the need to catch my own lobster. Much in the same way that I don’t feel the need to catch a cow. Or a chicken. Or even a pig, for that matter.
Ben and Emily kissed A LOT. Insert sound effects here and you get the jist of how the rest of their date went. Bleck.
Courtney continues to whine, whine, whine about her loss of connection with Ben. It’s really unbecoming.
But then, “Snap!” she gets her one on one. “Snap!”
They come across a temple. Again, this is completely out of the blue and was not put in their path on purpose.
Ben decides to tell Courtney that he wants someone weird. With an edge. Maybe he should just date himself????
As they climbed each step, they felt as if they were taking the next step in their relationship. And as they climbed higher, they were leaving all of the hurt behind them. I completely fell for this metaphor. It’s so true!! Haven’t they been together for about 3 weeks or so? I’d need to leave a lot of hurt and bitterness behind me, too, after that long in a relationship.
Courtney then tells the camera that she is high on love. “Snap!” She sums up her love for Ben by pretending to shoot all of the other girls. And then says “Kill Shot!” (which I don’t get. What does that mean? Does it mean what I think it means?). But she doesn’t want to get cocky.
Hmmmmm. Am I the only one worried about this chick?
Courtney tells Ben that she has been nothing but nice to the other girls.
What? Am I getting the girls mixed up again? Isn’t Courtney the one who’s really mean? Who doesn’t forgive? Who pretends to shoot people with her guns made of fingers?
Let’s move on to the group date. Shark diving. Why not? Who would have a fear of sharks?
Oh, Rachel does. Silly girl. Why would she be afraid of sharks? I saw Soul Surfer and Open Water and now every time I swim with sharks, I like to pet them. In fact, I’d like one for a pet. But Rachel is afraid. Like I said, silly girl.
They swim. With sharks. It’s all completely harmless.
UNTIL KACIE B. GETS ATTACKED BY ONE!
Just kidding! Thought I’d put that out there in case someone hasn’t seen it yet. Ha!
Kacie B. gets the rose.
Niki and Kacie B. warn Ben to tread lightly around Courtney.
Does this remind anyone of Jake Pavelko (ewwww – I was never a fan! Never!) and Vienna? No one wanted Jake to pick Vienna and then he did. And look what happened. Did you SEE the Bachelor Pad? Good grief. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Is Ben going to pick Courtney????????!!!!!!!!!!! Say it isn’t so!
At the “cocktail hour” (which wasn’t really a cocktail hour because Ben made up his mind and told Chris Harrison to cancel the cocktails), Courtney is all fun and bubbly and wants everyone to lighten up. She says, “Ben’s not the only guy in the world.”
Correct. Girls, get off this show and go find someone with better hair.
Before the rose ceremony can really get under way, Ben asks to speak to Courtney. The rest of the girls are all a-twitter. “Is he going to give her a rose?” “Do you think she’s going to get a rose?” “Will he?” “Won’t he?”
Niki, in her profound knowledge of rose ceremonies and mathematics, says, “It’s 50/50.”
I thought it was more 60/40 but she set me straight right quick.
Courtney accepted her rose with her baby voice. And then said “See ya. Wouldn’t want to be ya.” Hey! That rhymes!
We have to say goodby to Rachel and Emily. They cry. A lot.
And now we’re off to the hometown dates. 🙂 Can’t wait!!!
PS Did you see Courtney with the tarantula? I guess black widows and tarantulas get along, huh? BOO-YAH!
I have a girl in my class that looks just like Courtney and the way she tries to manipulate I think she will be Courtney when she is an adult..or in her 20's I should say… the adult part is up in the air…with both of them.Ben is a chinless dork and Kaci is too good for him. I'm ready for EMILY and the Bachelorette!
Tammy
Oh you make me laugh! Love it!
Heather
Thank you for posting….I knew what you were going to say….
Well, almost. When I watched it last night I kept wondering what kinds of moans and groans or screams of NOOOOOO! You were yelling at the tv.
I thought her gun sounds of " pew, pew, pew, pew, pew…" were nasty. When Ben finally watches this part he will see how violent and psycho she really is. She needs to take her guns and get out of dodge.
Patty
2ndinline.blogspot.com
Woohoo for RH of OC!! So excited!!!
I love your Tuesday recaps!
Found this somewhere the other day, it's Courtney auto-tuned. Pretty funny 🙂
I appreciate your recap. I can't watch those shows because I am so embarrassed for them. I really feel bad for those poor people.
Tricia
Queen with Class
I always know that I can come straight to your blog when I need a "crack me up". You have way too much energy that inspires me!!
Robynn
BusyBees
I love that you do a recap of these shows. It is hilarious! I used to watch The Bachelor but I couldn't get into it this season. Although, I do still secretly peek at US Weekly magazine as I'm standing in line at the grocery store.
Thanks for sharing! You always make me laugh.
Lyndsey
ayearofmanyfirsts.blogspot.com
I love your Tues Recaps! Thanks for sharing!
Misty @
Think, Wonder, & Teach
Oh, I really needed a good laugh tonight. I don't even watch the bachelor but you make it so great to read about it, I check in every Tuesday. Thanks again
I still hate ben.
he is not even growing on me. at all. it keeps getting worse!
Rachel
Ms. Rachel’s Room
Kristin,
I love your Talk About it Tuesday! Your recaps make me laugh. I don't like Ben either. Can't wait for Emily and the Bachelorette.
I live in Canada, so we are about 3-4 weeks behind in the RH series. I am loving the RHBH! Very sad about Kim. Can't wait for the RHOC to start!
Tarra
http://www.chalkboardchitchat.blogspot.com
OMG…just finished watching the Bachelor as I was reading this and I just about died when you posted "Kacie B. gets attacked"!!TOOO funny!!! Soooo true…how did this ugly, boring man get picked???? Watched The Notebook the other night and YES would love to see Ryan Gossling anyday!! Again, thanks for the entertainment. Makes my week!!
Kristin, Thanks for posting; now I can watch the latest episode of Bachelor for myself. But last week your blog was ten times better than the episode, so maybe I shouldn't bother. However, if you had said "Courtney gets attacked by a shark" I would watch immediately. Bad me!
On another REAL note: Did you see who is going to be on "The Amazing Race"? Say what?!? I thought people only got 15 minutes of fame … why does it go on and on and on for some?
Camille
An Open Door
Ok… so here is the problem.
We WERE allowed to "do" Valentine's Day today unlike you and your strangely captained ship. SO, I may have had a bowl of ice cream today, and then maybe a little candy… and because I was feeling bad about not eating healthy, some dinner.
SO…holding back laughter so the whole house doesn't give me those strange looks the give me EVERY Tuesday while I read your posts actually hurts. My side hurts. It's your fault {and the excess food}.
Kristin, you really should see if you can get involved with the show, if for no other reason than to pick the bachelor. Seriously. Why Ben? Why? For the love of Pete… Why? I huge part of me wants them to pull a Jake and Vienna. Courtney and Ben deserve each other.
Even though you have caused me pain, I loved every stinkin' moment of your post. Thanks, as always, for the laughter. You do realize you are the only entertaining thing about The Bachelor, right?! Oh my…he is SO boring.
❤ Dragonflies in First ❤
Can I just say that I sooo look forward to your show commentary?? We are on exactly the same TiVo list and wavelength, I love it! Haha, and I can't stand Courtney!!!!!!!!
I have to say, my 16 year old has gotten me hooked on the Bachelor this season and all I can do is be grossed out by Ben…what a dweeb! I'm so sad The Bachelor has turned out has turned out this way. Years back, for the 2nd season, my cousin was selected to be one of the five that they showcased prior to picking but lost out to Aaron? and after that…it's been down hill for me.
Let's face it, we all agree Courtney is a whack-job and her poor parents must feel like hiding under a rock. I mean really now, didn't Ben hear as Emily was walking away (duh, probably not because of his killer hairstyle) what the whack-job was saying? I hope Ben is feeling like a complete dweeb-a-roni right about now. Ladies that remain (and I mean the ladies) I'm sorry to tell you, but ABC has picked Ben's future wife for him and wait for it….Courtney!!!!!! After all, he wants someone weird right? Ugh!!!
I seriously think you shold start an entire separate blog devoted to reality TV recaps…you are hilarious….
So I decided to watch the Bachelor after reading some of your posts… I tried to like Ben… nice guy–boring, bad hair–still boring. Weird!!! got that part right. I plan on watching just so I can read your hilarious posts. I wonder if you can replace the host? It would the best show on earth!
I look forward to your 'talk about it tuesday' more than I look forward to watching the bachelor! As soon as I saw the helicopter, I couldn't wait to read what you had to say about that! And the Mayan ruins part where they were so sweaty was just so gross. Those must have been some salty kisses. If anyone else would have said that they weren't sure about taking him home to meet their parents, he would never have given them a rose. Instead, Ben tells Courtney that he likes her because she has a bit of an edge to her and because she is weird. Are they forgetting that this is going to air on national television? Who says that? Someone told me today that Courtney dated an actor from Desperate Housewives. Jessy Metcalf maybe??
I love your recap–you are too funny! Ben is a dork–how can these girls be attracted to him? His hair drives me crazy–and not in a good way. Oh and if Courtney does that thing with her hair one more time I am going "pew,pew,pew" her and go for the "kill shot". OMG she is so crazy! You know ABC is going to keep her around to the end.
I saw a funny clip you might enjoy from Ellen today… she is on the Bachelor! Hope you enjoy! I died laughing!
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2012/02/ellen_is_on_the_bachelor_0215.php
haha! Boyfriend said "oh snap" and I ALMOST KILLED HIM. Also, I died watching that youtube video that auto-tuned Courtney!!!! I think I'm going to go watch it 15 more times!! So, I know you're probably going to hate me after this, but on her one on one date, I actually felt like Courtney liked Ben! I think she's just a BI-OTCH to all the girls and that's what Ben needs to know! Buuuuut, I predict another Jake and Vienna situation. It does make for great TV!
omg, this is so hilarious! ::waves hi!!:: i thought the SAME exact thing when Courtney was playing with the tarantula. LOL!!!!
Yes, she did date Jessy Metclaff. She also dated Adrian Grenier from Entourage (read it in People. ) I also read that she exboyfriends claim that she is needy and clingy. Can you believe it? Didn't get that from the show at all. Lol.
My husband and I decided that we don't like Ben. Any other bachelor show from the past has had conversations with the girls. Dreams, goals, family, interests…. I have not seen one episode where he has a normal conversation with the girls.
I kinda don't want the nice, sweet girls to make it to the end because Ben is not worth it. I think him and Courtney would be the best match. They'll date, get some pictures in People, and break up. They can't last. They are both too weird. And this way none of the other girls will get too heart broken.
Oh my goodness….SO FUNNY!!! Very accurate, I might add:) LOVE it!!!
Thanks for the laugh:)
Sheri
1st GRADE ROCKS!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am dying! I now try to predict what you say in your recap…so we were watching and I was like, "Kristin is so going to tear him up about the tank!"
My two favorite parts of the Bach are now your recaps and the fact that my hubs is finally just admitting to watching it freely, with his iPad in his lap of course!
Hey Girl!
I have been out of it this week as far as blogging, but I did see Bach and I am so over Ben and Courtney. I can't wait for reunion episode when they confront some people on things. Like Ben and his wardrobe.