Talk About It Tuesday

Are you ready to discuss the Most Dramatic Season Finale Ever And It Must Be True Because Chris Harrison Said He Really Means It This Time?

Desiree and the boys go to Antigua.  Which I thought was pronounced AntiGUA as in AGUA, otherwise known as water in Spanish.  Nope.  It’s pronounced AntiGUH.  Huh.  Who knew?

Before Desiree and the last three remaining guys could actually get to Antigua, we had to spend about the first twelve minutes of the Part 1 Season Finale in rewind.  Ugh.  We KNOW who is who by now.  We know that each guy is “loyal, expressive, sweet,” and whatever else verb  adjective Desiree can come up with.  So that was a big waste of the Most Dramatic Season Finale Ever So We Had To Break It Up Into Two Parts.

Drew was up first.  They drove around Antigua.  They kissed A LOT.  A LOT, A LOT, A LOT.  They kissed in a jeep.  They kissed while dancing.  They kissed under an umbrella.  

{I was trying to come up with some sort of Green Eggs and Ham Kissing Phrase, but I’ve got nothing.}

Rain ruined the bonfire dinner they were supposed to have so they went straight to the Fantasy Suite AND THEN Desiree gave Drew the invitation.  He accepted, of course.  And promptly told her he could marry her right then and there.  BAM.  Take that.  He was ALL IN.  Then they kissed A LOT on a bed.  So let’s all let the camera men leave and close the door, please.  On my imagination, too.   I don’t want to think about any of that.

We moved onto Brooks who was feeling conflicted.  It wasn’t time for his date so we got to see him go home to talk things over with his mother and sister.

He loves his relationship with Desiree, but he doesn’t know if he loves her or not.

I just really needed him to stop talking.  Juststoptalkingalready.  You either love her or you don’t.  If you’re not sure, then you don’t. Done.  Now Brooks owes me $500 for that analysis and I’ll probably never see it.  Oh, and PS, stop thinking so much.  I mean, what is it?  Do you think all that hair is smushing up his brain and that’s why he’s so confused?  Oh, and PPS, don’t go thinking you’re going to be the next bachelor, Brooks.

The next date was with Chris.  They went in a helicopter.  I’m okay with it because it wasn’t overdone this season.  I’m so glad ABC read my letter and adhered to the guidelines.

They ate fruit.

And then they were posed and made to lie down in the sand in just the right spot so that the waves would crash right up on them without drowning them and/or making their hair look bad.  Not very many people can do it and make it look as good as the hubby and me.  So I was impressed.

Later at dinner, Chris and Des discussed whether or not Desiree would move to Seattle for Chris.  Why, yes, she would.  And, believe it or not, he didn’t write a poem about it.  I know.

Chris agreed to the Fantasy Suite.  

Oh man.  I spoke too soon because that’s when the poem came out.  It didn’t rhyme so it felt more like he was reading a script and he needed to work on his fluency.  Just saying.

We moved onto Brooks.  But instead of Brooks running in slow motion across the sand to Desiree, he opened the door to Chris Harrison.  

Were you thinking what I was thinking?  Because I was thinking Brooks was LEAVING.

GASP.  Shock!  Horror!  WHAT?

Has this ever happened?  Has it?  Someone tell me!

Chris Harrison was a good listener.  I felt bad for him because he needed sunglasses.   

Brooks said, “I’ve come to the conclusion that Des is not the love of my life.”

Chris Harrison restated it for him in many different ways, but any way you put it, Brooks was not going to go on a date with Des.  Or go to the fantasy suite.  Or propose.

Let’s be clear.  Brooks IS ready to commit.  But not with Des.

Shaking my head.  I KNEW I didn’t like him.  I KNEW it, but I couldn’t explain it.  I KNEW IT!!   Didn’t I know it?  Right?  I’ve been saying there’s something about him, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.  Do you realize this?  I might be tooting my own horn, but if the train is pulling into the station, well then . . . CHOO CHOO!

Meanwhile, Des tells us (the audience, although I feel as if she is just speaking to me) how much she loved Brooks and that she would say yes right away if he proposed and how it feels so good to be in love . . . you know, just on and on so we are all aware that this next part is going to hurt.

Brooks found her on the beach and started crying.  So Des started crying.   And then he said A LOT of words in order to break up with her.  Des would smile because he made it seem as if he loved her, and then he would take it back in the next sentence, and her smile would wobble.  It was horrible.  HORRIBLE.

Especially because her leg was on top of his THE ENTIRE TIME. Like a pretzel.  I’m telling you, I would have untangled myself after his first sentence or two, and I probably would have walked away or, at the very least, scooted down to the edge of the bench and given him lots of dirty looks.  But I would not have been touching him.  I tend to use my hair as a curtain when I’m upset with the hubby . . . or a garage door, if you will.  CLOSED.  You can talk, but nobody’s home.

She ended up getting a little bit angry because he would try to say something to her and she would say, “No.  Stop!”  So that was good.  Then she told him she loved him and he wanted to know why she hadn’t said it earlier.

Um.  Because SHE’S the bachelorette and she doesn’t have to say it until the final rose ceremony, you stupid idiot.  I mean, seriously, does Brooks think he’s on Temptation Island or something?

There was a lot more talking and crying.  Brooks cried a lot.  He didn’t want to leave her.  He didn’t want to see her cry.  He didn’t know she loved him like that.

Desiree told Brooks that she’s been conflicted through this whole thing because she didn’t want to share her heart.  She wanted to give it to him.  She didn’t want to go on dates with other guys.  She wanted to go on dates with him.  

It was TERRIBLE, I tell you.  He kept saying he was sorry and she kept saying, “STOP SAYING THAT.”  And, “YOU CAN GO.”

He hugged her one last time and she gave him a half-hearted hug and then went off to cry all by herself.  

I felt so sad for her, the poor thing.  She walked to the end of a pier and I’m telling you, I was afraid there for a second.  But she sat down on the end.  Phew.

Brooks cried hard all by himself, too.  He said it was the worst day of his life.

Get over yourself, Brooks.

So now, Desiree has to do to Chris and Drew what Brooks just did to her.  

Oh, the sadness.

What did you guys think??!!  

And, do you think Brooks will stay away?  Or do you think they’ll reconcile?  

Because it would be kind of hard to reconcile with a guy who told you that he’s not in love with you on national television.  Right?  Right? 

It’s sort of like Melissa and Jason Mesnick.  Except Molly took Jason back.  And now they have a baby.  

So what do I know?

I don’t know.

What do YOU know?