I hope I won’t disappoint too many of you but I can’t talk about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Part 2. I DID watch it. It’s just that I was doing other things as I watched. So I watched it again. It was on right after they played it the first time. But again, I got caught up in blogs and taco salad and report cards. So even though I watched it twice in a row, I am afraid I did not watch it diligently enough. I have it on Tivo, though, (of course!) and plan on enjoying it more thoroughly this weekend.
So it’s ALL about The Bachelor tonight. Hold onto your
hats computer screens dignity, it’s a bumpy ride!
We start out with one of the girls saying that Ben has taken them to Utah and . . . and . . . and some other places that I forget because I don’t really care about the locations and the oohing and the aahing over how beautiful it is because they say that about every.single.place . . . and now Ben has brought them to Panama. Do they really think Ben is taking them? Don’t they know ABC is doing it? Don’t they?
Kacie B. gets a one-on-one. I like her. I hope she doesn’t mess this up for me. They go in the helicopter. With the headphones. I will say no more. I think you know how I feel about headphones and helicopters.
They go to a deserted island. Ben says it’s a “test of their relationship”. It’s a test to see if they’ll “bond”. All I was thinking as I was biting my nails was “I wonder what the immunity challenge will be.” and “Which tribe will have to send someone to tribal council?”
Somewhere among the fishing and the coconut cracking, I realized this wasn’t Survivor. It had me for a minute . . .
On a side note, did Ben’s abs wash off in the ocean? Along with his tan?
They survive their stay on the island and get to go to dinner in civilization somewhere. I bet it was hard to stay out on that island for an hour. I can’t imagine. The heat. The loneliness. The hunger.
Kacie gets deep and tells Ben she had an eating disorder in highschool. Ben lets his hair do the talking. And it has a meltdown in regards to Kacie’s news. Big time.
We’ve got children and grown ups in loin cloths. I am so happy we have a dress code at school.
Courtney, Courtney, Courtney. Really? REALLY? I mean, what are you supposed to say? Put those away? Can you say it if you say it politely?
She’s added another gesture to her mouth twitching and shoulder shrugging. Now we’ve got boobs bouncing.
Ben in the loin cloth . . . um, is there any way we could get that hat back from last week? Please?
After all the fun with the kids, they get to have their cocktail hour. Poor Jamie. Sort of. But that comes later. But poor Jamie — trying to talk to Ben and there’s Courtney in the background putting on a one man show. WHATEVER. I wasn’t watching. I can tell you that.
Emily made me nervous for a second but she finally had a “normal” conversation with Ben. Which prompted her to apologize to Courtney for prejudging her. And Courtney, being the Courtney that we all know and love to hate, wouldn’t accept her apology. Again, WHATEVER. Does she not know that there are cameras filming this and that Ben will eventually see it?
Did you see what Courtney did when Ben gave the rose to Lynzee? She was not happy. And again, she added a fourth gesture to her movement repertoire! Nose scrunching!!!! So we’ve got mouth twitching, shoulder shrugging, boobs bouncing, and nose scrunching. I’m convinced she doesn’t need to say another word. We will be able to read her body language.
She waited for Ben in her hotel room and he didn’t show. She goes on to tell us that men are very attracted to her in the beginning and show her lots of affection, but then they take her for granted. They disappoint her. Can we please get Dr. Drew on this show? Come on. Courtney, listen. If you try to get a guy with your looks and your body, he will want you for your looks and your body. And then when he gets your looks and your body, he’s probably going to move on. To someone like me. Who has no looks or body but can carry on a conversation in a non-baby voice. Courtney needs a different tactic. And Dr. Drew.
Blakely and Rachel. Ho hum. Two on one. Blakely was emotional, of course. Ben sent her packing. Don’t show him a scrapbook and expect to stay. That’s all I’ve got to say. I was a little embarassed by her crying on his shoulder. It was a bit much.
Okay, the whole Casey S. thing — the previews made it seem as if a loved one had died. Didn’t it? That’s what I thought. I thought she was going to be told terrible news from home.
Instead, she’s in love with someone else. And he won’t marry her. Good grief, mister, wake up.
But I was really upset with Ben during this fiasco. He had NO SYMPATHY for her WHATSOEVER. I thought he was such a jerk. She apologized and said she hoped he wasn’t mad at her, but he wouldn’t let her off the hook. Hello? Ben? Are you sweet at all? She’s crying, she’s upset, she wants someone like YOU (I don’t get it, either) and you’re just concerned because you may have sent other girls home? You have to send girls home. You don’t get to keep them.
Chris Harrison hugged her. Chris wasn’t mad. Chris understood. I like Chris. But he’s married. Otherwise, I’d pick him for the next Bachelor.
Ben pouts on the balconey. Stop. Jason Mesnick already did that. And he cried like no other so you can’t compete. Buck up, already.
Jamie. Oh my word. Oh my. She called the way they were kissing “fancy”. I think Fancy Nancy would beg to differ.
That whole scene was so uncomfortable. I’m shuddering while I think about it. She is NOT going to want to watch this when it airs.
So he sent her home. Of course. Kiss someone. Send them home. That’s what he does.
Next week, we’re onto Belize. Ben is taking them there! Aren’t they lucky? Isn’t Ben the sweetest?
On a scale of one to ten, I have to throw up now.
Hadar at Miss Kindergarten sent this to me in an email yesterday. I cracked up and she said I could post it. 🙂 Enjoy!
(you can pretend the bad word says “Stuff Girls Say on The Bachelor” – that’s what I do)
(you can pretend the bad word says “Stuff Girls Say on The Bachelor” – that’s what I do)
Kelley Cirrito says
Real housewives of O.C. girly!!! I am so excited!!! Woohoo!!!
I thought Ben was pretty short and curt to Kacey, too. However, I'm glad she's gone. She didn't have much of a personality ( that they showed) AND she was friends with Courtney (double whammy!)
Also, I'm pretty sure if I made a scrapbook for some guy after knowing him for about two-three weeks, not only would he break up with me but he'd probably slap a restraining order, too.,
Hope King says
Ohhhhhh….Jamie…Jamie…Jamie!!!! I almost had to change the channel on that one! All I can say is "BLESS HER HEART!" She blew it!!!
Sarah Y says
Oh my goodness. Thank you! Hope King mentioned you in her blog so I decided to jump on over and check it out. Needless to say…you made my night. Thanks for the commentary on the Bachelor. I will never be able to watch this show without coming in to see what you thought of it!
Mrs. Shepherd says
Girl, you make me laugh. Love your post!
Kelli :) says
YES!!!!! I kept checking for your recap and it's HERE!!!!! Love, love, LOVE!!!!
1a. I would have failed the island date. Without a doubt. Even if it was for an hour!
2b. I for sure thought that Casey S. had a famiky tragedy!
3c. He was RUDE to Casey S!
4d. Chris would be such a good Bach!
5e. I was hiding under my couch during the Jamie INCIDENT. I cringed for her when she has to watch this. On TV.
6f. This MIGHT have been the WORST episode ever!
OMGoodness! how did 6 people comment before me? It must have been while i was eating dinner, because i am your #1 stalker…especially on Tuesdays….I want to text you on Mondays during but I never know if I will give something away! Thank you Hadar for the video…(I feel like she is my new friend too)It was TOO FUNNY!!!!
HA – that video gave me a good chuckle. Oh the drama…what would we do without it?!?!
Crisscross Applesauce in First Grade
Kristin, I am laughing so hard! Tonight I will watch this Bachelor episode and I am very worried that it will not be near as good as your post. I am thinking maybe I should skip watching the episode and just read your post two or three more times. Hmmm … big decision! Maybe I will watch AND read it again two more times!
Camille (who does NOT get the Bachelor channel on my tv so I rely on my friend Kristin to keep my up-to-date)
I totally do not watch any reality shows so sadly I usually scroll through your Tuesday updates…. however! I wanted to say that I also substitute "stuff" when I refer to the video that you posted!! I just wanted to share that today!! 🙂
Casey Orr says
LOVE this post. I love how some of the girls acted like they just randomly found this tribe of locals and just decided to all dress in their tribal clothes…So funny. And Casey S…Seriously I did not know who she was until last night! Either way, Ben was a jerk to her! boo.
Hahaha, I love that video!
There's a "^#&* Teachers Say" video floating around too that's kind of funny. But it seems like a middle/high school teacher because phrases like "is it an emergency?" and "we raise our hand when we want a turn to talk" are missing!
Third Grade in the First State
I actually watched last night's episode ….and your comments are perfect, made me laugh….really, where did they find this guy ? Now if you had a running commentary DURING the show, even better !
Mrs. Miller says
Kristin, I am your newest follower and fan! I love your Bachelor comments! I love your humor and I think Ben likes Courtney because their personalities are so alike!
Jamie… oh Jamie… that was soooooo cringe invoking. What on Earth was she thinking? Ben's an A$$ for continuing the charade… he had made up her mind to let her go after the first bit of weirdness. AND wth is with the "FANCY" thing?! Who fancy kisses? Well, apparently Jamie. Sometimes you can blame awkward weird stuff on editing… but not this time.
Ugh.. GAH! Courtney. Just yuck. Ben and her are perfect for each other, though.
ABC mislead with the Casey thing… then Ben proved how NOT worth her time he was. Sweet Chris.. Wonder what he thinks of Ben? Thank goodness Chris was there to step in and be a man. They need a man on that show.
As always, Miss Kristin, you make me smile and giggle out loud so that the rest of my house has to ask me what my issue is. Thanks! =D
❤ Dragonflies in First ❤
Ugh.. *his mind
I REALLY should re-read what I type before I hit "publish".
Patty Rutenbar says
I loved the video…oh so very funny! They must be asking the girls questions, so they are using similar words. I so look forward to reading your blog every day. Thanks for the giggle.
My cable didn't record it because I had too many shows for the same time slot! But I don't even feel like I missed anything once I read your post!
Thanks for the commentary.
Ms. Apples says
I just started blogging but I've been reading your blog for awhile. I'm pretty sure I student taught in your district. Love your Bachelor "recaps" each week! I can't believe I still watch it but laughing about it with others is probably part of it…that and laughing at the people on it!
Reagan Tunstall says
I finally got to read this!!! I didn't get to see B until late last night. What the heck was Ben wearing on Kacie B's survivor date? orange trunks, blue shirt, giant black shoes and yes his old body washed into the ocean. It wasn't a good night for him.
LOVED your post and couldn't agree more with ALL of it. the survivor for an hour, hair issues, courtney, body language, the scene with fancy nancy was absolutely awkward in my living room. The dogs and I had to look away at points. and Hadar's video…oh my goodness.
If I ever get to So. Cal to visit my college buds I MUST see you both!!!
Heidi Butkus says
That was hilarious! Loved the play-by-play, and the video just wrapped it up right! Ugh! That Courtney! I think Ben is just shallow enough to choose her.
Mrs. Poland says
Okay… I never watch TV. I never had time. I saw it once along time ago before I had kids but now nope. HOWEVER, I am hooked on your weekly posts. They crack me up so much so I might have to steal some tv time from hubby and the kiddos and learn to sit still!
I don't watch the Bachelor and never have. But I feel like I do because I read your recaps every Tuesday. So thanks for keeping me in the loop. Loved the video too!
I needed your post because my DVR STOPPED RECORDING?!?!?!?!?! I was in just to the part where Casey S. was about to spill her guts to Ben. Casey walks in… and BAM! END OF SHOW?!?! WHAT?!?!? So, thank you for the update… I always look forward to them, but this time I really needed it! 🙂
Let's Teach Something
Lisa Lizak and Beth Wright says
HAHA 🙂 I totally though Ben's abs and tan washed away too! I was like "What?!?!" So glad to read your post and crack up all over again! Thanks for putting a smile on my face 🙂 Have a great Wednesday 🙂
Made In The Shade In Second Grade
Ms. Rachel says
I keep watching the Bachelor, because, duh, I can't stop.
I REALLY DISLIKE BEN! He is getting more and more unattractive to me each week, I mean, come on!! First he's pale and then he's kind of mean!
I'll continue watching, but I still DONT LIKE HIM!
Ms. Rachel’s Room
Mrs. Ann Greene says
I'm not a bachelor watcher, but I have to say the video at the end if too funny! It almost makes me want to watch.
Thanks for sharing!
You CrAcK me UP!!! I always LOVE coming here for your play by play after The Bachelor. You are right on with every comment! Especially the "Courtney gestures"! Ugghhh LOL
Oh how I needed this post to make me laugh! You could seriously get paid for your writing – it's that funny!
And I think I've noticed that other bloggers are trying to copy your style! Have you noticed how many other bloggers are now doing that 'see through editing?' Honey you should have copyrighted that! Anyway, there are so many talented bloggers out there and I enjoy reading them all. However, none of them come close to yours!
Love your blog!
I love your commentary on the Bachelor! You CRACK ME UP! I too am a reality TV junkie and have taught 1st grade for 10+ years. I just recently found your blog and I love it!
I just literally laughed out loud! That movie is HILARIOUS! Thanks for the laugh!!
Seriously though, who is Jamie?? where did she come from??